Time Alone After Breakup? Or quickly date again.

So I found an amazing woman that I'd like to date. She recently got out of an abusive relationship.

My psychoanalyst says don't date her for a year. However, the papers below seem to imply that it's beneficial to move forward. What's the consensus on the forum?


http://paa2006.princeton.edu/papers/61125

http://spr.sagepub.com/content/early/20 ... 14525086v1

Hello Jon17,

My thought is to listen to the psychoanalyst. If someone has been in an abusive relationship, it can take a lot of time for that person to "heal." Abuse is something that affects everyone differently. It is highly personal. It is also highly painful emotionally.

If you were to approach this woman too soon, chances are she may distance herself. She has already been betrayed by someone she cared about, someone she trusted. It can take a long time to regain the ability to trust.

One of the common things that many people can do when exiting an abusive situation is to shut down emotionally. They are in pain, and do not want to feel that again. They can become "avoidant" of being vulnerable, of engaging in intimacy, of feeling exposed.

Many will just not be ready for another commitment so soon. And chances are this may frustrate you a bit. You may be loving, caring, empathetic and all of the above, but she may just not be responsive to all of that and would not like the "pressure" that she would feel.

I think start out as friends. Let her know you have feelings for her and/or interest in her. And always, be honest with her. The last thing she needs is games, or dishonesty. Then let her give you clues when she may be ready for more. Patience, I think would be the best approach.

Good luck!