Parents being to involved causing chaos in relationship

Hi,
i am not sure if i am posting this in the right thread or not but anyway here it goes.

I am 25 years old with a 23 year old wife and an 18 month old daughter. We have been living in our own place for almost 2 years now and we both have our own jobs supporting ourselves. I am an only child and my wife is 1 of 3 children. My mom and dad are having trouble realizing i am a young adult now with my own family to tend to. My dad has to text me everyday and know all of my business along with my mom. My mom and dad have been divorced for 16 years do to my dad being verbally and physically abusive. My mom has never moved on because her self esteem is shot and my dad still tries to be in her life and she doesnt want it so he keeps trying. He doesnt have any friends so all that leaves is me for him to constantly bother. They constantly complain about not seeing me and the grand baby enough even tho they both see her at least once a week most of the time if not more, sometimes it may be 2 weeks. They always wine and get jealous if we go visit my wifes parents especially if we stay there longer then we would with them. My parents live 15 minutes away and hers lives 1.5 hours away so when we go we tend to stay longer because who wants to go for 30 minutes and drive another 1.5 hours. Her parents put no effort in coming to our place tho so that kind of rubs me the wrong way. Any ways my parents are always wanting to be in our business and wonder what we are doing and always want to talk about how they dont see her enough or me. It is putting a huge amount of stress on me because they are always chomping at the bit and its impossible to keep everyone happy. I am always stressed about this and when my wife says one little thing i dont like i blow a fuse and its usually always about them. I am on the verge of loosing my wife and kid because my family makes it impossible to live our own life. When my wife and i fight the verbally abusive side of the way i was raised tends to come out and i say absolutely horrible things that i do not mean. How do i get my parents off of my back to save my relationship. For heaven sake if my dad text me and i dont text back he gets all hurt thinking im mad at him when i am just trying to spend time with my wife and kid and no matter how much i tell him im not mad he still does it everytime. My life is nothing but turmoil and my wife thinks i choose my parents over her and i dont. This is a loose loose situation because nothing makes any of them happy. No matter how much i talk to them and ask them to please stop being so upset about me being an adult it doesnt work. My wife thinks i dont try hard enough to explain it to them when i do it every week. She doesnt dislike my mom but she doesnt like how she gets so upset when she does see us every week. My dad has done some things in front of her to make her not like them and she doesnt forgive him or trust him because of how he is.... SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE ME SOME INPUT ON WHAT I NEED TO DO.... I plan on trying to attend counseling to try to help but if anyone else has been through this please give me your two cents

As an only child you probably had enough problems with your parents' placing you squarely in the middle of their marital problems and subsequent divorce, all the parental focus is on you and not trying to resolve their own issues. I think your wife understandably has reservations about this constant attention spilling over into your adult lives towards the baby and probably sees that you have a disturbing lack of will power to control your parents. Your wife is actually on the lose-lose end of this situation because she can't control your parents when that's really your job, not hers, and can't control your lack of will power. Your parents (and their issues) are inadvertently driving a wedge between you and your wife, and it's up to you to take control. This is YOUR family, not theirs to make.

Both you and your wife will have to agree on what constitutes too much grandparent interference and meddling in your lives and set up strong boundaries. Those boundaries can be however you define them, ignore their daily phone calls, or agree on what constitutes a visit-- be it once a week or once a month, etc.-- or whether the visits need to be monitored by you or your wife (father's erratic behavior may warrant this), moving to a more distant location, whatever limits make both of you comfortable in enforcing. The sooner you start now on curbing your parents' influence, the better for both you and your marriage.