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KingPing wrote:Hello,
thank you for your answer. Yes I do understand what you say. As a narcissist I often do things in order to try out my limits. I am very sarcastic and try to annoy people or offend them slightly. I camouflage this as my kind of humor - but in reality I just want to test the limits. What do you think. How do people see me in such a situation. Do they think that I am rude - or do they take this as part of my personality. Or other: What effect does it have, if I constantly offend people in a smart way? I have the feeling that this makes me special and different in some way - in their eyes. Male friends hurt each other verbally as a way of expressing their friendship - they say: Uhh you smell like $#%^. And that is funny. But does this work with women too - in some more elaboratet way of couse?!
KingPing wrote:Hi Miss cw,
nobody ever slapped me in the face because of a narc rage. People have left the room though. Or shouted back at me. I am not really abusive though. My words can hurt people obviously - but in such moments it is not really my intention to hurt. I rather have to say things that are bothering me or that have angered me. I think I say them in a harsh way then.
I do know why people react in the way they do as well. It is just like having a (verbal) fight with more intensity to it. Sometimes I say things that I better would not say. But I cant prevent myself from saying it. Sometimes I do know that it would be better to stop talking - but I cant.
I feel ashamed afterwards - and sometimes (depending on the person) I show it. And I try to improve the situation and reach out again after the situation has calmed down. It really depends on the person. If that person is important to me - I try to improve it. If that person is not important for me - well then it could be the last words spoken between us.
Does that answer your question?
Vilified Phoenix wrote:KingPing wrote:Hi Miss cw,
nobody ever slapped me in the face because of a narc rage. People have left the room though. Or shouted back at me. I am not really abusive though. My words can hurt people obviously - but in such moments it is not really my intention to hurt. I rather have to say things that are bothering me or that have angered me. I think I say them in a harsh way then.
I do know why people react in the way they do as well. It is just like having a (verbal) fight with more intensity to it. Sometimes I say things that I better would not say. But I cant prevent myself from saying it. Sometimes I do know that it would be better to stop talking - but I cant.
I feel ashamed afterwards - and sometimes (depending on the person) I show it. And I try to improve the situation and reach out again after the situation has calmed down. It really depends on the person. If that person is important to me - I try to improve it. If that person is not important for me - well then it could be the last words spoken between us.
Does that answer your question?
fits my experience... but in my experience, it wasn't just a little "harsher" but rather things other people well, wouldn't stoop to... just saw one recently and I tore her argument up and she didnt expect that... as I'd always calmly sat and said nothjing for 3 months watching this woman. Anyway, she had no argument yet was posing a big "compassionate hero" post I call it, narc version of concern troll and a bit more clever and hidden... anyway so her arguments trashed-and she reiterates by not defending it once, but instead goes not just for the LOWEST fallacy-ad hom, but so low you dont see people go it was so low. attacked my kids, etc... but we had a non close relationship, so her file on me was pretty weak... anyway that alone exposed a pretty big red flag to everyone, and she left the group in shame. My point is-I've seen people go after kids maybe 3 times in my years on the internet... but it was a narc's first choice of below the belt-to go as low as they could. That's a narc rage, and they DO many irrational things during a narc rage, some of them last a while-withno ST, instead doing bad things, that even they regret later (and then later on do again lol). Like filing divorce in the wrong state thinking "punishment" when it just cost us about $20k, and 3/4 of that to her... that's not efficient, or a win for her.. that's a loss for her-if there must be a winner on that deal, it would be me by narc logic-i came out $10k further ahead, or less behind... so that narc rage didn't add up... but normally more calculating, but when in a narc rage... seems they could last easily a couple weeks if really awful-and frightening things happen during those periods.
But the interesting thing to me-is I agree, such nastiness, is usually saved for someone in or near discard and thus typically INTENDED to be final words as you said. But I don't really understand the people that seem to have no DRAW on their NPD. I mean she had the power as far as spark or whatever... for most of it, but I had much more sexual control for likely closer to the last 4 years , it seemed. But she was always very indecisive from candy bar purchases to me... and as long as I said nothing nasty in response to a narc rage, she'd pull the "nothing strange happened that i recall, how's your day? whatcha cookin?" type of crap... and even if i said nasty narc injury stuff back... she'd still usually be the first to intiate , but frankly she bluffed so much I stopped taking some of it serious.
Likewise, no matter how bad the injury, I feel like I could call her up from a jail she put me in (and she tried so many times... see-scary narc rage games lol) and get "us" back in 15 minutes. I never would now, but I have many times, and usually took much, much less. We definitely had a weird connection that at least sexually was mutually and really I held that power a bit more, at least during the discard and after (for example, after her big discard, within a week or two we did have phone sex several times and FB sex several times and most of these initiated by her (except the first -that's me reconnecting) not long after that I stopped feeling good about myself sleeping with her and rather the opposite, and cut her off-and then real clarity began, and somewhere in there I found NPD and began to have my answers - and not for closure, again I cut it off, but for the crazy questions, like as a co-parent, i had hundreds about her treatment of our children, esp. while fighting-those kinda questions, or "wtf did happen with her family?" etc... and in all cases, I found where I had relied on her for info-it was a lie and usually a nasty one that exploited me...
But I see all these people with no suggestion of any draw on their NPD, like totally powerless-maybe it's a superpower i have from being ubermessedup myself-every bad side can be flipped to a good side (unless you define bad as good... But my experience was I could open her door for reinitation as easily as I could to be discarded... like I could turn both knobs, but discard would naturally turn without me regardless lol of course. As even if you get back to idealization... it's a much quicker cycle, instead of a year it lasts a month, two if youre lucky, devaluation 2-3, and a much nastier discard each time... so superpower or not-clearly until i had enough, a degree of masochism... what else could it be on my end? Denial? Superblind Dependency? I dont know, but it's a problem I'ma address before i get close to anything again. And I do pity the next men in her lineup... she learned most of her tricks while with me (i was her first)... so what I got as my worst, is like likely her baseline now, and i bet dudes get falsely put in jail and $#%^ like that. And I wonder how typical that is as I don't see ours was quite the model in relationship, just in her attributes. She even diagnosed herself as such and thought I was BPD (I agree i lean that way, but not "very high" etc. on any test yet, but high enough to go see dx) and even played concerned ie "oh my, do i have a flaw??" but she hooked herself up with a very feminist shrink (more than willing to put the blame on me and labels too before asking one question of me or even listening to she and I for 1 minute, and went to a session and this lady is not PD trained, comes out, says "I don't have it." Which at the time, I accepted... about 3 years before I had my own reasons to research and she was right.... like she wrote these descriptions herself.
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