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Should you tell someone if they've hurt you?

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Should you tell someone if they've hurt you?

Postby rubyrosexoxo » Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:47 am

Just going to keep this post pretty straight forward. Should you tell someone if they're hurt you? The person in mind said that he didn't want to hurt me after something had happened between us, and he said that we could talk about it after. Moving forward, I had made attempts to reach out to him, and it was basically like talking to a wall, he wasn't giving me much of anything. Eventually he told me what I needed to hear, but that didn't exactly make me feel better, and it took almost a month for him to talk leaving me to feel like I wasn't worth an explanation or worth anything. Since then it's been a little over a month, and I don't think he knows if he hurt me at all. Several times I've said to myself 'I wish he knew how much he hurt me'. No, this would not make a difference in how he's treated me in the past 2 months, and we'll probably never talk again since he's moving away, but I feel like he should know how he made me feel. I don't expect anything from him by telling him this, but I think if he actually didn't want to hurt me and did, he should know why so maybe he can avoid doing this to someone else in the future.

Thoughts? Should I tell him that he hurt me?
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Re: Should you tell someone if they've hurt you?

Postby Candacebanny_99 » Sun Aug 23, 2015 2:28 pm

I think it depends on the severity of the offence and indeed the recipient of it. Guess some people can ignore minor offences but it really is a personality thing.


You can be gentler and say, "I'm sure you didn't mean for it to, but you hurt my feelings." It gives them a chance to go back to their manners and reassure you that this was not their intention. It preserves the good will in your friendship.
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Re: Should you tell someone if they've hurt you?

Postby rubyrosexoxo » Sun Aug 23, 2015 8:59 pm

That's the thing, I don't think there's really anything to preserve. Here's a breakdown: We were friends for about 2 years. About halfway through we started a friends with benefits situation but never talked about it. More than 2 months ago after sleeping together, I asked him what we were doing and he said he couldn't be in a serious relationship because he was moving to a different country. He said we could talk about things more later and then he left my place. I made attempts to talk for a month after that, but he was ignoring my texts on purpose (I could see him on his phone connecting to social media outlets). Eventually I got him to admit that all he was looking for was sex, and I said I appreciated his honesty. At the time, I think I was just relieved that I got an answer out of him, but I never told him the entire time he wouldn't talk to me was hurtful and that I felt like trash. More than that though. And I feel like I should tell him because he said he didn't want to hurt me, and he did. And maybe he'll avoid doing this to someone down the road, or maybe not. Anytime we've communicated since we last saw each other has been because I reached out. If I would've let him walk out that door, I don't think he would have tried to get in contact with me at all, even though he stated previously that we should remain friends. Last time I checked, friends don't ignore each other and make each other feel like crap.
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Re: Should you tell someone if they've hurt you?

Postby Im-pure » Mon Aug 24, 2015 12:50 am

I think hes aware of what he did, and this is one of the reasons why he ignores you. My answer stays the same as in your previous threads, but if you feel you must contact him by all means do it. But dont expect him to change just because you let him know he hurt you. Most likely he will not care.
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Re: Should you tell someone if they've hurt you?

Postby rubyrosexoxo » Mon Aug 24, 2015 1:42 am

Im-pure wrote:I think hes aware of what he did, and this is one of the reasons why he ignores you. My answer stays the same as in your previous threads, but if you feel you must contact him by all means do it. But dont expect him to change just because you let him know he hurt you. Most likely he will not care.


It's harder when you've known someone for awhile and they do this versus someone you just met. I absolutely don't expect things to change, and I don't expect him to care, I just feel like I need to release these feelings that I've been holding in and get rid of them.
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Re: Should you tell someone if they've hurt you?

Postby Im-pure » Mon Aug 24, 2015 1:00 pm

Yes its harder. No one ever said its easy...the releasing feelings is a bit tricky. I totally get that you want to do this for yourself, but if you do it be careful how you phrase it. Try not to get super aggressive and emotional about things cause it will have the opposite effect of what you hoped for.

I would keep it short and to the point. Something like ''i was really hurt when _ happened'' is enough. Dont get dragged into more drama with it cause it will only give him more validation ''shes emotional and crazy''

Just my opinion ofc
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