He cut all contact

The person on whom I have become dependent, to an extreme level, has cut all contact with me. He hasn't spoken to me in months. He has recently changed his number.

I know I will be advised against it, but I am going to go visit him. I can't let go or make any progress (though I have tried) without knowing why this is happening. I am trying not to harass him. I can take a hint. I respect him enough to not cause him harm on purpose, to try to respect his wishes, which clearly mean he doesn't want anything to do with me.

I can work around my dependence, because my love for him can make me respect him enough that I will not continue, after I go to see him to try to clear up this mystery. I have no memory of the time when he stopped talking to me aside from knowing that I felt like I was in a waking dream for some time before and after. I had incidents where I blacked out and talked to people, and was apparently cruel and hurtful. I am terrified that he is a part of this as well. I am afraid I have hurt him without knowing. I don't know why I would say the things I did to the people in my life, but it resulted in losing my family, my job, and my house.

I want to move on, for his sake, by proxy of my dependence... but I cannot viably see myself getting healthy with yet another mystery on my hands and weight on my shoulders.

I want to avoid escalation. I am expecting for this to be difficult and painful, probably for us both, and I have sent him as much warning as I can manage. I don't want to show up to his house. I don't want to make him upset. I don't want his resistance to mean my persistence... but that will be the case, and I am afraid it will escalate. I cannot control him, and I do not want to, but I cannot control myself at time and I don't want to get frantic and scare him.

I am decided on doing this, but I am looking for any advice on keeping myself as calm, sane, understanding, patient, and kind as possible. This is the person I love. Now and forever. I will never let go, but I will do what I must to keep living while loving him, respecting his needs, and treating my wounds as best as possible. I can suffer for him, but I need to do this or it will keep consuming me and my psychological state will continue to deteriorate. I have never been in such a state and so completely alone. I am trying the best I can.

Please help, but do not try to deter me. I am decided on my next move, I just need to think of how to handle myself and the situation for when it all goes wrong. I don't think he's going to be sympathetic to my need for "closure" which is not quite what it will be so much as just a chance to understand something so that I can confront it and deal with it. It's the only way I know how to handle these things.

you can certain do as you say you intend to but i honestly doubt that you'll achieve anything by doing it. i've had numerous people just stop wanting to know me. i've never found out why from any of them. i'll admit that the not knowing is one of the hardest things to cope with, especially if you happen to be the type of person that needs such answers in order to move on with your life. sometimes you just have to accept that it isn't possible to know beyond the fact that the other person doesn't want you in their life anymore.

what i would suggest is that you work with the things that you can find out. these are the only things that will improve your life in any material way. you say that you went through a period of destructive behaviour but don't know why. that's the place you should start your search for answers, because that's where your life started going wrong.

now, as for love, we can all love other people too much if we are too dependent on them. and as such, it isn't really love that we feel for them. it's the fear of them leaving us that we mistake for love. and often that very fear can drive them away. we become obsessive, irrational and even abusive if we feel we might be loosing them. this is a toxic relationship. it's no wonder that they ultimately leave. as such, it's important to recognise what was happening and find out why it was happening if we're ever going to ensure that it doesn't happen again. people build up patterns of behaviour in their lives. it's very difficult to break these patterns without professional help. and that is most of all what i suggest you do for yourself. you should seek professional help in order for you to try to heal whatever problems you have in your life that are causing you to self-destruct.

Hey,

I understand what you are going through, my ex gf did the same thing to me. I am in so much pain. The first time she blocked me I drove to her for a week trying to talk and work stuff out. After a week she finally talked to me. Things were ok after that. Until I lied about something stupid. For 2 months I tried to earn trust back and show her it was a mistake. Just at the end of April she stopped seeing me texting me calling me. I haven't been so hurt ever.
People make mistakes but we need to talk about them not run away from problems thinking they will get better. She is already on a dating site POF. Like this last year and 4 months meant nothing to her. People like that don't deserve people like us. Kind hearted people. We aren't perfect we make mistakes. I never cheated on her or anything like that. She was the one for me. I don't think She will ever understand who I am truly. Otherwise she would have talked to me. But everything turned back to my lie. All this guilt I have. But it takes two people. Not just one.