Callalily wrote:I always thought this was ridiculous, and that people shouldn't hide their feelings, so if I felt attracted to someone I was really transparent about it. Unfortunately, every time I've approached a man in this way, I've been rejected. So either I'm really unattractive, men really do want to make the first move, or both.
Are you sure they consciously rejected you, as opposed to simply their brain being at a wrong place at a wrong time?
I remember few years ago I was spending enormous amount of time on dating websites as well as obsessing why don't girls at my church approach me. Then after that I would need to catch up on my homework. And then finally, at 2 AM, I would go home to sleep. On my way home I would go to grocery store. Then some random girl would try to talk to me. But she was "an obstacle" on my way of getting home to eat that food I was buying and rolling into bed. So I was brushing her off -- right at the exact time when I was obsessing why don't girls at the church approach me, yet somehow my mind never put HER in the category of "girls". The biggest irony is that I generalized "girls at the church" to "all girls" so I was thinking "I wish any girl in the planet could approach me yet all the girls in the planet conspired not to". Well, the girl in the grocery store certainly fits a category of "one of the girls in the planet". So why didn't it ever occurred to me that SHE approached me? Well it just didn't.
However, there is a solution: the solution would be for that girl at the grocery store to be a bit more explicit. Instead of asking me how is your day, she should have said "hey, remember those girls at the church that don't talk to you? Well I think they are shallow and I feel bad for you. Now, unlike them, I like you and in fact maybe I even want to date you. Lets hang around and see where it goes" If she were to say it this way, then I would totally run for the opportunity. But unfortunately she was a bit less explicit, all she was doing was just asking me how my day was.
Then the time came when she said, to one of her friends, "I am in love with that guy" and she asked her "which one" and she said "the one that comes in here, never talks". Well, that was the FIRST time I EVER paid attention to her, since that was the first time the thought was put into my head. But you see this was pretty ambiguous: on the one hand "that guy" MIGHT mean "the guy standing in the room" (which would be me) but on the other hand it might also mean some guy they were talking earlier about (well I didn't hear them talk about anyone but perhaps she refers to what they talked about 10 minutes before I walked in)? And if I take her answer to "which one", on the one hand "comes in here never talks" would describe me (I am the only one that doesn't talk, due to my Asperger), but on the other hand, if it was really me, she would have said "the one right here" but she didn't. So could it be some twin of mine who also doesn't talk that she is in love with? Now, I was afraid to simply ask if she meant me: in case she didn't, I would feel like a fool for asking. So I was forced to pretend not to hear it. She didn't try to talk to me at any of the future times so it forever remained a mystery.
Several years later I realized that that woman was interested and I actually tried my best to ask people around to help me find her. Unfortunately it was all futile since I never asked what her name was back at the time.
Anyway, back to what you are saying. Could it be that the reason you were "rejected" is simply that men don't read signals as easily as women do? So you THOUGHT you asked them out, but you really didn't (either it was not strong enough for them to notice at all, as happened with that girl at the beginning, or strong enough for them to notice, but ambiguous enough for them to remain unsure if they are reading you correctly, as happened with that girl at the end)? And then you THOUGHT they rejected you while actually they were going on about their own lives (in case they didn't notice things) or were waiting for you to make stronger statement (in case they were suspecting you asked them out but weren't sure if you did)?
I'm so, so scared of rejection. I feel like a turtle hiding in its shell. I feel really unattractive and unworthy, and having it confirmed by someone else would just break my head apart I think. 
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