Hi Bert
Welcome to the Relationship Forum (if your first time).
I sympathize to some degree with what you have expressed. It seems we are in a particularly difficult time in Western History in which unhealthy narcissism is on the increase, and young women now seem to be as vulnerable as young men to such unhealthy, grandiose self-schemas. A narcissistic woman, just like her male counterpart, behaves like an overgrown spoiled child: cold, unhappy, never satisfied, demanding, and thus unable to truly love herself.
However, I note that arranged marriages are largely a thing of the past, and women, psychologically healthy or otherwise, do have the right to choose whomever they want to go out with or have a relationship with - just like men do.
So first of all, we men all have to accept this universal right of choice in dating and relationships. We must try to go out with women who are attractive to us, and in the process suffer a lot of rejection. There simply is no other way, unless, as you noted, you are rich, and in this case the problems don't seem to disappear, they only get more intense.
I know you have probably heard this before, but people who are attractive by the standards of the mass media often aren't always so attractive inside, being more at risk to narcissistic or histrionic traits or even personality disorders. Here is a revealing post by one of our members from the Histrionic Personality Disorder/HPD forum:
I had posed this question:
"Now it seems like we worship it..a beautiful woman is often unconditionally admired by everyone - is this a gift and/or a curse for her?"
The response by the female member who said she was HPD, and who had worked as a stripper:
It's a curse & here's why:
Physical beauty (along with the right kinda Histrionic flare) can get you many things in life, and they all come way to easy. The way physical beauty can attract someone is one thing, but add the manipulation and attitude that goes along with it and you've a recipe for disaster. You can damn near anything you want, any time you want if you know how to use that look and attidue to your 'benefit' along with the rights sources to manipulate. You know you are able to get what you want from 'this guy' or the next with ease. You work the guy you're with to give what you want, and he usually does because he knows that a beautiful girl like you will just find someone else to give it to her if he doesn't. So the fear of loosing you, coupled with the need to keep you happy, makes men cave to your every wish and whim.
How is that a 'bad' thing?
Well... As someone who made her living on her looks and manipulated men for money as a profession, I can tell you CLEARLY & HONESTLY what happens and why it's a bd thing!
Things come too easy because of the looks/attitude combo- correct?
There's not much effort in that manipulation, other juggling 'BFs' (a man who gives you stuff is NOT a real BF, and is commonly referred to as a 'fish' in manipulation realationships) and keeping them seperate from one and other; while making sure they all feel special, attended to and needed. So you develope GREAT skill at using your looks and assets to gain you everything you want and need in life. There's no need for more! You don't need to work, you don't need an education, there's always more money coming so you don't need to save anything (lots of fish in that bottomless barrel for the beautiful) and all you really DO need is a fresh stylish wardrobe, a tight little body, a pretty smile and some fake interest in your guys & you're all SET!
Pretty easy- huh?
But that's just it, it's TOO easy and you don't go to school, you don't save your money, you don't get job experince, and many other important social development aspects that 'real girls' (what strippers call non stripper girls) in the real world get.
You think you're ahead, because you have everything you want and need in the moment, but you're actually WAY BEHIND the game here! Because when the gravey train ends (and it WILL END- youth is beauty, beauty is youth & youth only lasts while you're young) you've got nothing to fall back on.
- You don't have any money.
- You don't have any real job expereince or education.
- You're severly lacking in social skills and how to build and keep a healthy relationship.
- You' can't depend on your looks anymore, and you've got nothing else to fall back on.
You've wasted your youth and a big portion of your life on chassing something that was meaningless and ultimately got you nothing in the end!
All you know how to do is manipulate men and use them to your advantage. While you can continue to do this when you're on the worng side of 30, the money you get after you reach the 'Big 3-0' is only 1/2 of once you got, add ten years 1/2 it again, and so on...
So yes, it IS a curse, and the more you use it to your 'advantage' the more it hurts you in the end...
Ironically, attractive people even make bad decisions that are physically unhealthy to themselves. For example, women who pursue an extreme program or beauty, wearing stilletoes and high heels can do physical damage to the muscles in their legs and ankles. Or they might be bulemic or anorexic, damaging themselves with excessive exposure to stomach acid, or low nutrient levels, etc.
Although we all have to take responsibility for the choices we make in life, in my opinion a lot of this is due to our nearly constant exposure to mass media, the advertising industry, and the elusive, unrealistic, and ultimately damaging images they barrage us with. So forget the mass media and it's images: remember that their one rather ordinary purpose in life is to sell a product and make money, and if deception is required, they will do it.
Instead of TV and popular culture,
believe this:
-your life and everyone else's is an invaluable gift.
-you and I and everyone else should accept, and love and respect their true selves.
-you and I have problems to solve in life, but so does everyone (including attractive women and men -
I find it curious that people who seem to 'have it all' will still be unsatisfied, or even manufacture their own problems. If you watch some of the better rehab shows, which, besides any ensationalism, still serve as a good reality check to mass media values (i.e., like Dr. Drew Pinsky's), you will get an idea of what I am talking about.
Besides what you said in your post, I don't know any more details, but I know myself, and sometimes I have wanted what I couldn't have, which is always a recipe for misery. Instead, if you are more prudent in what you desire, it doesn't disappoint you when you don't get it. And sometimes, a kind of transcendence occurs when you are prudent; something is released in you and/or the woman you desire, and ironically you end up getting what you wanted; to go our with her, etc. And sometimes when you do finally get to know her, you see that you were chasing an illusion, a fantasy in your mind that was either suggested by her, or it was just an illusion entirely of your own manufacture. Hmm?
Having said the above, if you feel that you have particular challenges in your appearance you might want to consult a beautician for men, or a medical doctor that does cosmetic surgery. Boys/men that had unusual features often were able to feel more at ease with themselves after what are often simple procedures. Like I said I don't know your details, but that is one possible solution.
But ultimately I hope you realize as I have that it is foolish nihilism to invest all your resources and attention in your appearance, while neglecting one's physical, intellectual, moral, ethical, and spiritual dimensions. That holds for both women, and men.
Best health and peace
orion