I have moderate RAD

I'm 17 and my name is Megan. I have RAD also, I read a few threads here and was wondering about the current situation on my issues with poor eye contact. I'm often told by authority, mostly who know I have this disorder to 'look at me' or even 'give me your eyes so I know we're connected' I don't know why I don't like making eye contact with people, especially men that I know. I rarely ever have an issue with females at all. And if I do its being called on. I want to look at people's eyes but something inside says its safer to stare at the floor or an object. My mentor will literally wait until he sees my eyes connect with his before he speaks. My other teacher who is also a male will do the samething. Do a lot of kids have this issue too? Are they all alike? Do they all need to be told to make eye contact?

Hi Megster,

You could try to take a glance at their eyes, and then look away for a few seconds, and then take another glance. You shouldn't look at the floor either, but instead look to the side of the person. Making eye contact is important in conversations, but you don't have to 'stare' at their eyes. When I was younger, I never raised my head at all, and my social skills suffered because I could never talk to anyone. I did not even know my own family, and am only getting to know them now (I'm 27).

I have symptoms of RAD too, but Asperger's Syndrome describes me better. Maybe you can relate to it too.

Kevin

This site has so much to offer for me. Kevin thank you sir. Well people want me to look directly at them. I don't stare at their eyes I just look. And I look away and then I'll keep looking away and that's when I'm called on it because I broke the eye contact. Very few people do this with me, most people don't care. What's aspergers disorder? Did I spell it right LOL. Hey Kevin...go to this site and look at my page. www.supernaturalconnections.com/gifted_child1993 read the blog, MORE ABOUT ME. And then read the other one, LOOK AT ME.

Hey Megsteropliopidous,

Asperger's is a mild form of Autism. Go to the main 'board index' page here and then search for it. I think you might relate to it too. I looked at your webpage too and you have some very interesting interests. I very much like Christian Bale too, by the way, and Robert Downey Jnr. I love this picture too:


I was not able to read your blog as you hasve to sign-up for that (and I hate signing up to too many accounts!).

Kevin

Then I'll cheat for you okay?! And I'm not sure I relate to it though, I wasn't diagnosed.


Do you wanna know why I hate looking at people? Not only does attachment disorder have parts in it but on the outside I don't like to look into peoples eyes because of the topic their discussing and the expressions on their faces when I look at them. The topic their discussing uneases me and makes me nervous so I "automatically" look away. It's like the ground is my sancutary and it's my "safe zone" because the floor doesn't have eyes.

So people usually tell me to look at them, and they may even say to me, "Its okay to look at me" its like a "secret language" telling me to look at the person that they won't hurt me and I can trust them. It isn't easy looking at an individual with attachment disorder and having this thought that I won't be able to trust one even if it's somebody I know. It's very difficult and unless you have this disorder you won't know what it's like. The fear and uneasiness that you feel when looking at somebody.

Some people don't know I have this disorder so they don't say anything but if I were to come across a medium, I wouldn't be able to get out of the excuse, "I have this disorder.." Some tried to give me advice on what to do and how to deal with it but since I am a child with RAD there's no stopping me and letting me off easy. I need to be able to look at people without being afraid.

I'm even afraid of looking at spirits, even Adam. Most of the time I look at people when their not discussing something important without hesitating. It's when something important or simple is discussed is when I break away from your attention and look to the floor.

Here's an example; I was in school in Mr. Milne's classroom and we were ready to leave when Mr. Milne asked the kids to bring their binders with them and if they understood what was expected. Mr. Milne looked at me and said, "What about you Miss Daughtry do you understand?" I shook my head and looked away quickly and looked back at him and then he said, "Hey where is your binder anyway?" I said, "It's in my locker sir." And he kept the eye contact with me and expected me to keep it with him but then he started discussing the importance of me bringing it and being prepared for class. I looked to the floor and as he was speaking he kept saying, "Do you understand Miss Daughtry?" I still looked at the floor. "Miss Daughtry?" no eye contact. "Miss Daughtry?!!" and I looked at him directly in his eyes and he nodded and did this finger to eyes manuver. I laughed and said, "Yes." He wasn't satisfied and gave me his look he gives me and I said, "Yes sir." And he said, "good girl."

The kids didn't think anything of it because they knew I had the issue, even with them but since their young I can get away with it. The bell rang and my friend says, "Megan how come you didn't look at Mr. Milne?" And I said, "Because..because I'm afraid." And she asked, "Of what?" and I looked at her and said, "It's nothing. Nevermind let's get to Schooley's okay?" I didn't want her to know I had this disorder. It's very important I look at people, otherwise I won't beable to trust people and "read" them the way others can.


Fin


Okay here you go!! Lemme know what you think. Can you make eye contact with people now? Would you tell me the samething? "Look at me"

I am not sure what to say. My immediate thought is that your teacher was arrogant in that moment, but maybe I'm thinking this just because of the way you phrased your blog entry. In answer to your question, I have learned now to look into peoples' eyes when I talk to them. You have to take occasional glances at them and not just look to the side or ground the entire time. My natural tendency was to hang my head and never look at anyone - perhaps just as you now do - but that makes the world a scary place

No he wasn't be arrogant at all Kev. And I don't always hang my head, trust me. I will look at people in simple discussions or if we are talking about something not so important. Its when the big discussions come into area that I either look away or look to the floor. I'm guessing you'd be saying "Look at me." throughout the day depending on what the situation is right? Or Mr. Schultz says sometimes "Look at my eyes" you could say that too!