PLEASE HELP ME! EVERYONE THINKS I AM CRAZY!

Dear All,

Nancy Thomas is a WHACK job. I am a RAD Survivor and I can tell you right now, her books are total crap. In fact, we are in the process of reviewing one of her latest books. As a RAD survivor I tell all parents to stay away from her tripe and potentially dangerous books.

As for the poster, I totally understand your situation. RAD Therapy itself is almost prohibitively expensive, not to mention RTC's. Keep in mind a few things.

- My RTC cost my parents and the state almost 200,000 dollars for a year and 8 months.
- There is a tremendous amount of debate if RAD is "Real". ( I know )
- There is proof that no one "therapy" will treat R.A.D. it's a combination of them and it
isn't even guaranteed that they will even work on a R.A.D. patient.

Keep the faith and stay the course. I know your road is long and hard. If anyone knows, as a RAD survivor, I do.

Michael
http://www.rad-online.org

I read all these posts and how strong people's opinions are about Attachment Therapy and even the diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder. I guess I can say we are one of the lucky ones. I took in my niece 4 years ago who had been abused from day one. She has been neglected, physically injured due to this neglect, emotionally abused, and sexually abused. About 1 1/2 years ago she was diagnosed with RAD, ODD, PTSD, and depression. The diagnosis came about from a suicide attempt when she was 10 years old. I never heard of RAD but bought books, lots of books. I bought one of Nancy Thomas' books and couldn't read past the first few pages. It sounded so cruel. I thought "She isn't like these kids. She isn't THIS bad." She had been seeing a therapist but I had the hospital refer me to someone who works with kids with RAD. The therapist was with the hospital. That someone told me there was no solution and she really couldn't do anything, but was very empathetic to my desperate situation. As my niece continued to get worse and started attacking me, hurting our pets, I decided to re-read the books I had bought. She ended up in the hospital again. She threatened to kill herself but it was more like "If you get near me I'm going to kill myself" versus what happened the first time. She was acting like a wild squirrel that accidentally got trapped inside the house. She wanted to kill her birth mother - had made primitive plans to do so - which kept her in the hospital for a longer period of time. Anyway, at this point I found two wonderful Attachment Therapists. They have saved her life. They never inflicted pain, yelled at her or anything. They were direct but very caring. I say that past tense, we still see them weekly. We started with a two week intensive program. I would say it probably took 3 months before I saw any improvements. But they came, and then went, and came back stronger, and left again.. It's a roller coaster ride but every time she lets go of trying to be her own boss (different then independent thought) she is calmer, happier and capable of making good decisions and handling the daily tasks of being a kid. When she wants to call the shots, she is more anxious, makes very poor decisions, and can't handle the simplest of tasks.
The one thing that I learned is that therapy for a child with RAD is in the home, not at the therapists office. The ATs do more for me than they help my niece. They are there to reinforce what I am doing, but most importantly, they are my support. Because parenting a child with RAD is one of the hardest things in the world. I've also learned that not everyone can do it. I honestly have no idea how I've done it. I don't consider myself a strong person but I'm strong enough I guess. My strength is in my commitment and love for my unique, beautiful, funny as hell, intelligent niece. I don't run my house like a military camp. And I implemented most of the things in Nancy Thomas' book. Her ATs give out the book (I already had mine). When I read it again I saw it from a different perspective. It wasn't cruel, it was a wake up call to my niece. I didn't read in there that I was to treat her subhuman - but to have consequences. I never yell or punish my niece. She hasn't been grounded in over a year. Not that she hasn't done things to warrant grounding in a traditional parenting environment. I give her choices. Her choices have consequences, positive or negative. She has decided she likes the ones that have positive consequences. I don't reward her either - we don't do allowances (I've tried it several ways and it always backfired) but we plan fun outings, and I surprise her with special treats or gifts.
I could go on about all the good and bad things we have experiences in more detail - but I guess my point is, we can argue about ATs and I agree that I have seen and read about some horrific things that I hope still don't happen, but at least used to happen - but there are a community of ATs that are developing their methods and finding out what works and setting standards of practice. Whether it works or doesn't work is based on a bunch of different things. But I think to place that burden solely on the shoulders of the AT isn't realistic. Like someone said, every situation/patient is different and needs different treatment plans. For us, AT was the absolutely right direction - but I do think the works is in the home.

OMG I can so understand what you are going through my husband is making me sick with stuff like she does'nt act like that for other people you and her just clash half the time I feel like I'm crazy and know one understands but the truth of the matter is these kids are manipulators and will destroy you if they can. remember your not alone and your not crazy!!!!!!!!!!!! Dawn

Have you parented a child dxd with RAD? Do you know the pain and frustration that a RAD child causes his/her parents?

I know that there are different types of therapy known to help children with RAD. I personally raised 2 children with RAD and used Nancy Thomas' methods. I have a very attached 17 yo daughter now.

What you quote from Nancy Thomas has most certainly been taken out of context. She is most definitely not abusive! She obviously has a much more loving heart than someone who is so critical!

BUT, why trash her? If her methods work for some children you should praise her! And there are many, many success stories related to NT. If you would rather follow other methods, that's fine. We all need to to whatever we can to help these children. Just as each child is an individual, they each have individual needs.