messedup wrote:Monday the 15th, was my birthday. I woke up sick. Great start to my b-day. I thought my husband was going to lay down with me and put me back to sleep like he has many times when I've been sick or tired. Instead, he raped me. I started crying, bawling really. He said something like "Tell me you don't want this." I screamed and cried "No I don't." He then looked at me and said "Oh $#%^. I'm sorry." But he didn't stop. He just finished. I cried the entire time he was on me. I cried most of the day.
I've known my husband for 12 years and we've been married for 7. He has never ever hit me, never verbally abused me, never emotionally abused me. He's been a great husband and father.
I asked him why he did this. He says he doesn't know why. He's called and set up counseling. I've got some really messed up feelings right now. I don't want to leave him. But I'm scared.
I know this sounds messed up, but, what I really want is for my husband to hold me as tight as he can without touching me. How do I start to heal from this?
TheOtherLight wrote:Am I correct to infer that he's never done this before?
From what you wrote, he seems to feel remorse for his actions. Go with the counseling and see what comes from it. You should give him a chance to change before any "drastic" action is taken.
How have you been doing since this happened?
messedup wrote:Today I feel like $#%^. I really hate the way I feel. I can't eat. Every time I try I feel like puking. Stupid little things that my husband does, that never bothered me before, are just pissing me off to no end today. I haven't said any thing to him. I want to. But I wonder if I'm over reacting. Maybe he's under reacting. I just want him to hurt inside as bad as I do. Maybe he does and I don't see it. I wonder why I care what he's feeling. Sometimes I wonder why I care at all.
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