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Was I raped by my husband?

Open Discussions About Rape and Sexual Assault.

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Was I raped by my husband?

Postby ConfusedinMO » Sat Oct 22, 2011 6:55 pm

A couple nights ago, my husband and I were having sex. We were in the doggystyle position. He started playing with my asshole. After a few minutes of this he pulled out and went in analy. I screamed no, started trying to smack him away. He finished and pulled out. I was crying, grabbed my clothes and ran out of the room.

We've had anal sex before. I don't like it but it's something that I'll do every once and awhile because he enjoys it. But theres always been an agreement that it was okay with me. My question is, was this rape?

We haven't really spoken since, just short one word answers. I can't even really look at him without wanting to scream. I can't stop thinking about it. I get up, I take care of the kids and I go to work but the rest of the time I just lay in bed watching tv or wanting to sleep.

What do I do? Am I going to be able to get over this? Is this going to destroy our marriage? I'm too embarrassed to talk to any of my friends because their all "our" friends. I feel alone and stuck in this situation.
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Re: Was I raped by my husband?

Postby CrackedGirl » Sun Oct 23, 2011 8:07 am

You said No and you indicated physically you did not want this so I would say yes this was rape. I am so sorry you went through it and that he behaved in such a despicable way. Partner rape is just as bad as any other type of rape so I am not surprised you are struggling. You should not be made to do something you dont want to. I used to be in a relationship with someone who demanded anal sex and I did it for him - but this is wrong. And the rape was especially wrong. How is your relationship with your husband usually? I ask in order to try and figure out what the best thing is for you to do next.

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Re: Was I raped by my husband?

Postby OllieOleander » Tue Oct 25, 2011 9:08 am

Is this a commonplace occurrance? Is there any chance that there was a miscommunication? Have you been able to express to him how you feel? Has he been respectful and receptive towards your feelings? Has he been able to express how he interpreted the situation? Without knowing the context of your relationship, I would think that talking to him about what happened would help both of you to understand the situation better.
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Re: Was I raped by my husband?

Postby invisable.life » Tue Oct 25, 2011 11:25 pm

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this. I cannot even begin to imagined all the mixed and confused emotions you must be feeling. Before answering this I think it might be a good idea to consult a therepist who specializes in sexual abuse issues. From what I am reading, you said no, tried to push him off, and he "finished" anyway... to me, this is clearly rape.

Again, I am very sorry for the situation you are in and I wish I could fix it. I hope that things work out and you are able to communicate your feelings with your husband about this tramatic event.

Take Care. I wish you peace.
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Re: Was I raped by my husband?

Postby heforgaveme2011 » Fri Nov 04, 2011 2:32 am

I feel sorrow that you had to experience it with a loved one. Hopefully you can talk privately with him or seek together or individual counseling. No means no and the law and even common decency should dictate that. I'm sorry that you are alone at this time. Hopefully. There is family or a hotline.

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Re: Was I raped by my husband?

Postby CrackedGirl » Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:41 am

How are you Confused?

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Re: Was I raped by my husband?

Postby tomboyx » Fri Nov 18, 2011 8:34 am

Edited by Mod
Last edited by CrackedGirl on Fri Nov 18, 2011 8:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Inappropriate and upsetting content
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Re: Was I raped by my husband?

Postby 4dan » Tue Dec 27, 2011 1:17 am

If you had a prior agreement that anal sex was okay with you, then his doing it initially is not rape due to implied consent.

But the second you said 'no' and he continued, I would consider that sexual assault, and rape in common sense of the word (legally it might be called sodomy, not sure).
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Re: Was I raped by my husband?

Postby Meka » Tue Apr 10, 2012 3:55 pm

Hi. This is my first time joining a forum and I saw your post. I hope that you both have talked about your situation by now. I was married for 13 years. It started out as me loving sex with my husband. To make a long story short I wanted more in our marriage than just sex, he didnt see anything wrong with us. I began to refuse to have sex with him, told him I needed intimacy and he had no clue. So instead of meeting my needs he decided his needs were more important and took it anyway. I fought him on several occasions and didnt win. He asked me if I would stop fighting him because he didnt want to feel like he was raping me. I stopped. For 10 years this went on. I'm not saying that I didnt want to have sex at all but when I didnt he had sex with me anyway whether I wanted to or not. This will affect you for the rest of your life if you dont stop this from happening. I am divorced now. I couldnt take it anymore. He used the bible to say that I am not supposed to refuse him, so what was I supposed to do? I am very sensitive to this matter and it still hurts to think about what we could have had if he just would have been more considerate of my feelings. I have been told that I have a very high tolerance by some and from others I was told that this was normal and I should get used to it. I dont know how to think. I was made to believe that it was all my fault so I took me out of the equation so that we all could be happy.
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Re: Was I raped by my husband?

Postby Cassandra1 » Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:25 pm

Hi, this is my first post, I speak spanish so excuse me if my english is unintelligible...

Thanks for your post, my ex-husband did me the same a couple of time and I considered that behavior normal in that time, now I confused but I think that the confussion is better to believe that was normal.

Thanks again.
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