Our partner

Men falsely accused of rape

Open Discussions About Rape and Sexual Assault.

Moderators: salted lipstick, Ada, Restored

Men falsely accused of rape

Postby r2rr » Fri Jan 22, 2010 11:03 am

Without for a moment wishing to detract from the pain and suffering experienced by rape victims, I would nonetheless like to ask readers to consider the other 'hidden victims' and that is men that are maliciously and falsely accused of rapes they did not commit.
Read these accounts
http://www.harrysnews.com/tgfalselyaccusedofrape.htm
http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=4521
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... z0d1NIXj6C

and worst of all
http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/world/6574 ... e-was-lie/
r2rr
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jan 22, 2010 10:48 am
Local time: Sat Oct 25, 2014 4:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Men falsely accused of rape

Postby healingangel20 » Thu Jan 28, 2010 2:19 pm

Why is this even on this site??
healingangel20
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu Jan 14, 2010 8:12 pm
Local time: Sat Oct 25, 2014 6:14 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Men falsely accused of rape

Postby FrayedEndOfSanity » Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:55 am

I think it's very important to have this information on the board.

- The first link is not the best choice. The website to which it leads may be controversial for some people, and the controversy may overshadow the point.
- It might have been better if the OP had posted the original article, and not the blog:
http://www.salon.com/news/2010/01/17/us ... index.html
- The two articles seem unbiased.

I repeat: I think it's extremely important for this information to be on this forum. There are people who don't realize that women (and men!) sometimes lie about being raped. The effects of these false accusations not only damage the lives of the falsely accused, but also undermine the validity of real cases. Lying about rape is horribly disrespectful to survivors. Additionally, the falsely accused will sometimes express extreme bitterness towards women and may turn into a flat-out misogynist. They may then make their views public (like the person in the first link), which would undermine overall victim credibility even more.

If you're asking your question under the assumption that it has no use here, and that those who need to see it wouldn't come to these forums, I'd like to explain--out of respect for actual victims. If this thread prevents even ONE person from crying wolf about sexual assault, or will provide support to ONE victim of a lie, it will have served its purpose. Additionally, survivors and their family/friends are not the only people who come to these forums. You will get the occasional troll or even liar, as disgusting as that may be. Some are unaware of the damage they cause. (If they're reading this, they do now.)

I don't see a subforum for victims of false accusations. As far as I can see, this thread is in the right place. However, if you disagree with me, please inform me and a mod/admin.

I mean no disrespect to anyone involved. I simply want people who come here to understand the consequences of false accusations, to have a place where they can find support if they are falsely accused, to encourage people to come forward if someone confides that they had lied, and to ALWAYS take the topic seriously.
Do not take my advice before talking to your doctor/counselor/other professional. Depending on where you live, you may be able to find free, confidential care. Most importantly, sometimes your shrink can be wrong. Get a second opinion.
FrayedEndOfSanity
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1678
Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:26 am
Local time: Sat Oct 25, 2014 1:14 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Men falsely accused of rape

Postby SgtMom » Sat Feb 06, 2010 5:13 am

I wish to thank you for the honesty and courage to aknowledge the suffering of those falsely accused of rape.

I am a mother of both genders and have experienced the worst case scenario of both situations.

My daughter had just started her senior year in High school when her best friend was killed in an auto accident. Although I warned her many times of the dangers, she drank heavily at a get together after the funeral, and accepted a ride home with an older guy and several friends. She did not realize he dropped everyone off first. He took her to an isolated road and raped her. She didn't tell for months, fearing I wouldn't allow her to associate with her friends anymore because of the drinking. She finally reported him after he began vandalizing our home, demanding she tell her friends it was consentual. No one believed him, and he was being shunned. The police told her she waited too long to report. I believe it was because his father worked for the city and had friends in law enforcement.

It was only a few months later I got into an argument with my sister in law. I believed she was abusing her children, and threatened to report her. She retaliated by claiming my son raped her daughter years before. My son passed several polygraphs saying he didn't - with highest truthful marks. The child was virginally intact. My sister in law had a history of making false rape accusations against others, but this was shielded. Her daughter claimed a 5 year old neighbor boy raped her at age 4, and was in 'therapy' for years. This was also shielded from court, and my son was convicted based on "He MUST have done it, how could a child that know KNOW such things?"
SgtMom
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 4:58 am
Local time: Fri Oct 24, 2014 11:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Men falsely accused of rape

Postby SgtMom » Sat Feb 06, 2010 5:18 am

It has been over twelve years ago, and my son has suffered every day. He is on a sex offender registry, has lost jobs because of the accusation, and is not allowed to see his baby son. His accuser says she is sorry now, but does not want to get in trouble by recanting. She has asked him to "just let it go".

He would 'just let it go" if he wre allowed to. As he grows older, it becomes more difficult to live with. The laws keep changing, he is harassed by police, shunned by neighbors.

I have been told to just shut up, that talking about false accusations 'hurts' true victims. His older sister is a 'true' victim, and seeing what her brother has been forced to suffer hurts beyond any other pain.

No 'true victim' could possibly be supportive of liars and false accusers. How can they be?

It is WRONG to shame and revictimize false accusation victims into silence to appease 'true victims'. How can ANYONE ask another to suffer such injustice?
SgtMom
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 4:58 am
Local time: Fri Oct 24, 2014 11:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Men falsely accused of rape

Postby FrayedEndOfSanity » Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:39 pm

SgtMom,

Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry that this happened to your children!

Thank you for speaking out. I can't even express how important it is to have the input of someone who has seen the horrors of both sides.

--Frayed
Do not take my advice before talking to your doctor/counselor/other professional. Depending on where you live, you may be able to find free, confidential care. Most importantly, sometimes your shrink can be wrong. Get a second opinion.
FrayedEndOfSanity
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1678
Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:26 am
Local time: Sat Oct 25, 2014 1:14 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Men falsely accused of rape

Postby SgtMom » Sun Feb 07, 2010 10:20 am

When he failed the forced confession 'disclosure' polygraphs admitting the crime, he had to wear an ankle monitor as punishment for 'not cooperating'. After the tree years, he was the first juvenile recommended prison for failure to comply. His probation officer intervened or he would have gone to prison for 6 years because he could not successfully prove himself a rapist.

The 'therapy' consisted of a group of accused boys his age, and was confrontational. They threatened to remove him from our home to a group home of rapists to 'break down his denial'. When he asked the therapist how his victim could still be a virgin after multiple rapes she replied "You must have a small dick".

He was not allowed to attend church or associate with the dozens of people who supported his innocence, since they 'aided in his denial'. My husband had a heart attack after attending one of the sessions - it was like watching your child being ripped to shreds in a pit bull arena. They told my son it was HIS fault for being a criminal. I was the 'mother in denial', and they recommended the prison sentence because he had not "taken responsibility for the crime by making his mother believe in his guilt.

I was forced to claim I now believed in his guilt before the Judge, or he would be in prison to this day.

Thank you for listening. I have been viciously attacked by 'victims advocates' for speaking up about this in the past.
SgtMom
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 4:58 am
Local time: Fri Oct 24, 2014 11:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Men falsely accused of rape

Postby SgtMom » Sun Feb 07, 2010 10:37 am

As my son was handcuffed and taken to jail, my daughter sobbed in the court room "Why did they believe everything SHE said and nothing *I* said?"

In the next years she lost a relationship with a man who feared his ex wife would not allow him to see his child because her brother was a sex offender. His youngest brother, only 9 at the time, was forced to attend a private school in a nearby town after a 'concerned mom' began spreading rumours his brother was a sex offender. He was the hockey team captain, and she wanted HER son to have that position. Both siblings suffered depression not only over the way their brother was being punished, but the back lash it caused them.

Our neighbors, a lovely young couple, lost a great deal of money on the sale of their house because it was next door to a sex offender.
SgtMom
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 4:58 am
Local time: Fri Oct 24, 2014 11:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Men falsely accused of rape

Postby FrayedEndOfSanity » Sun Feb 07, 2010 10:52 am

God...It sounds like something out of a horror film.

The misguided people you encountered sicken me. I'm all for victim's rights, but ... not like this.

You and your family have got to be incredibly strong to survive such adversity.

Out of respect, I'm doing my best to keep my responses short and my emotions under control.

If I could send you a guardian angel with a law degree to exonerate your son, I would.

I wish I could think of a way, other than supporting this thread, to raise awareness and discourage people from crying wolf--but at the same time encourage victims to seek help quickly--and also to continue encouraging people to take sexual assault seriously, but without becoming witch hunters. It's such a fine line, and it must be walked so delicately. That's why I'm so thankful for your coming forward.

--Frayed
Do not take my advice before talking to your doctor/counselor/other professional. Depending on where you live, you may be able to find free, confidential care. Most importantly, sometimes your shrink can be wrong. Get a second opinion.
FrayedEndOfSanity
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1678
Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2009 6:26 am
Local time: Sat Oct 25, 2014 1:14 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Men falsely accused of rape

Postby SgtMom » Sun Feb 07, 2010 6:47 pm

The boy who raped my daughter threatened her by saying his father had contacts with Law Enforcement and would get her in trouble for making a false accusation. She had the officer reassure her several times he could not prosecute her if she 'lost' the case.

That threat truly IS a problem I have brought up with men's rights groups, who responded with anger. They say men wouldn't use that threat against a woman, but I know for sure they can and do.

Rapist and false accusers(a female version of rape) of either gender are criminals who will use anything to get away with their crime.

My personal feelings are that BOTH the accused and accuser take polygraphs. My daughter BEGGED the investigator to be polygraphed - she was telling the truth and wanted justice. He laughed at her, saying 'victims' were NEVER polygraphed...

I know it's 'traumatic' but no more 'traumatic' for the falsely accused to take one. Falsely accused people take them all the time. My son was literally scared out of his wits to take one. The evening before his was scheduled he watched a TV program about how many innocent men fail polygraphs. He was clawing at the door, trying to escape when the polygrapher (one WE paid for, not law enforcement) when he gently told my son " If you are innocent, don't be afraid. If you are guilty, don't take the test." He took the test and passed with a score of 2 = 100 is deceptive.

The court ordered polygrapher told me my son was the "most dangerous criminal he's ever seen" after he passed polygraphs saying he didn't do it. He was 'in denial', "The Next Ted Bundy".
Last edited by SgtMom on Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
SgtMom
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 4:58 am
Local time: Fri Oct 24, 2014 11:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Rape and Sexual Assault




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests

cron