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Why do rape victims feel ashamed for the animalistic actions

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Why do rape victims feel ashamed for the animalistic actions

Postby MizzCatharine » Tue Dec 02, 2008 2:00 am

of someone else?



I try to be sooooooooooooooo logical about things and when I *think* about rape and shame..i think its stupid. Why should we feel ashamed for a perverted @$$munche$ actions?

its just not logical

wouldnt it be nice to put the blame and the shame where it belongs? on the beast who did it?
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Postby jasmin » Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:53 pm

You're right, it makes no sense and the blame belongs with the one who did it. I guess shame comes with having your body and identity violated, though.
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Postby scarred_cutter » Mon Dec 08, 2008 6:50 am

a lot of people feel "dirty" and guilty afterwards, and see it as a sign of their weakness and often think, "why didn't i fight just a little bit harder" or "if only i'd called out one more time, he might not have gotten away with it" etc.

which causes us to feel ashamed. it's terrible!
"But i know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't, and how you hurt yourself on the outside...to try to kill the thing on the inside." -Winona Ryder [Girl Interrupted]

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Postby HurtingMadly » Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:47 am

Because he made me come. Because when I'm alone and it is dark and alone I wish he was back and he would hurt me again, and this time finish me, no 12 stiches in my skull but finished because I wouldn't feel this because no matter how I try to think about this and rationalize this every time I try and understand what happens I know he wins and I lose

Because it's been 12 years and I still can't get away from this
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Postby scarred_cutter » Wed Dec 10, 2008 9:47 am

hey hurtingmadly, welcome

so sorry that happened to you, that's a horrible event that no one should ever have to go through.

even though your body reacted towards him, it ISN'T your fault! most people who are raped, their bodies will react with some form of "pleasure" eg. lubrication etc. because your body doesn't know. your mind knows that you don't want this to happen, but your body is just functioning. it doesn't know that this isn't welcomed so it reacts as "normal"

if you didn't have this kind of bodily reaction, you wouldn't be normal. you'd be a robot because human bodies are sensitive to touch, whether it's wanted or not, and will react accordingly

please don't feel guilty about that. i know it's easier said than done, but it wasn't your fault
"But i know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't, and how you hurt yourself on the outside...to try to kill the thing on the inside." -Winona Ryder [Girl Interrupted]

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Postby Incorrigible » Wed Dec 10, 2008 10:28 am

Regarding the body responses, I heard something about that a long time ago. I don't recall exactly how it works, but I think it has to do with your basic survival instinct. I think it has to do with the sympathetic nervous system activating certain functions in an effort to end the situation as soon as possible. Scarred is right about it being a normal bodily response and it isn't your fault.
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Postby MizzCatharine » Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:47 pm

scarred_cutter wrote:
even though your body reacted towards him, it ISN'T your fault! most people who are raped, their bodies will react with some form of "pleasure" eg. lubrication etc. because your body doesn't know. your mind knows that you don't want this to happen, but your body is just functioning. it doesn't know that this isn't welcomed so it reacts as "normal"

if you didn't have this kind of bodily reaction, you wouldn't be normal. you'd be a robot


amen
I lucked out..I was unconscious..so i dont feel the shame for my bodies reaction(i dont know what it was)....but i still feel shame..for some stupid reason
MIND
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It don't MATTER
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Postby MizzCatharine » Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:51 pm

HurtingMadly wrote:Because he made me come. Because when I'm alone and it is dark and alone I wish he was back and he would hurt me again, and this time finish me, no 12 stiches in my skull but finished because I wouldn't feel this because no matter how I try to think about this and rationalize this every time I try and understand what happens I know he wins and I lose

Because it's been 12 years and I still can't get away from this


I'm sorry you're in such pain..it hasnt even been a year for me. I hope i can forget about this
Have u thought about getting therapy lately? it might help. Personally, I prefer psychiatrists..though theyre known for using medicines to treat their patients, that isnt always the case. What I prefer about them is that psychiatry is an actual science..and theyre usually quite logical..psychologists on the other hand...i dunno..its a soft science...they vary too much for me..and u dont wanna get me started on social workers LOL

books/knowledge on the subject can also be comforting. Here's a list of books and flicks on the subject...ignore the flicks though, theyre a bit out there..but a great list of books that you might find helpful:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/richpub/syltgu ... lt_title_1

i wish u the best
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Postby violetdawn » Fri Dec 26, 2008 4:45 am

i've been raped twice, the first time by a stranger and i was ###$ on drugs so i barely remember it. the last time was last july by an x boyfriend. i have such weird feelings about it cos i know i didn't want it to happen but i did respond physically and i walked right into the situation like an idiot. i didn't trust my instincts. i haven't yet told my shrink cos i don't want to talk about it. i just don't know how to feel about it. it makes me feel very small. numb.

i don't think that's good.
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Postby jasmin » Fri Dec 26, 2008 7:46 am

((((((((((violetdawn)))))))))) You didn't want it to happen and you are not responsible for their actions. You can't be to blame when something happened against your will.
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