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I don't know how to deal with it.

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I don't know how to deal with it.

Postby Dim » Thu Nov 26, 2015 7:35 pm

First off, I want to preface that I am a gay male. For a while I was questioning until I came to terms with my sexuality. I began considering it at 19, at just a few months shy of when I was going to transition from being a high school senior to a college freshmen.There were all these groups you could sign up for and one of them was Pride, for LGBTQ individuals. And a classmate of mine came out just before graduation, so I thought after that about a whole new world of possibilities being open or whatever. It took me too long to figure it out because it should have been obvious at 15 and I didn't fully accept until I was about 21. But I had a lot going on up until my 21st birthday, mostly happening within my first year at college. Here's the story.

So, I had just began to express interest in some of these groups - one of which was a social fraternity which I wanted to be a part of, and I rushed them the Spring semester. I got in, but met a few bumps along the way. There was this other gay guy who wanted in as well but nobody in the fraternity liked him because they thought he was trouble, and weird. They also liked to make fun of him a lot for whatever reason which never sat right with me.

But it turns out they were right. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and he was trouble like they suspected. He basically invited me to his dorm saying he wanted to befriend me or be friends with me, I forget how he phrased it but both mean the same thing basically. So he wanted to get to know me is what he also said. I was hesitant at first, called another friend of mine (also gay, yes for some reason this matters) and told him I think this guy wants to have sex or something but I could be being paranoid and he only said he wanted to get to know me. So anyway he says go down there but if it gets bad get out ASAP. So I do. We just talk, I'm shocked to find out he has a roommate who's never there because he prefers to live with his parents (then why spend money and room and board? it's stupid) and basically we have sex, but I was a virgin and this point and didn't know what to do and he kept talking about anal and like it was a good idea to initiate the intercourse or whatever. I was feeling weird about it being a virgin but also getting a bad vibe from him. We stopped after a while and then I call my friend I was talking to and I was freaking out and said "I dont know what happened but I dont have a good feeling". It was so long ago that i dont remember but I know it wasn't right and I eventually figured out it was rape.

Then there's 2013's instance. Me and my brother were roommates and he was going through this period of depression I guess or whatever it was, where I would go to bed at a reasonable hour and record myself sleeping because I was trying to see if I had sleep problems or talked in my sleep or whatever, and he would go to sleep super late (like 4am or so) then miss classes because he'd be in bed all day. One night I was recording, I hear him coming into my room, mumbling around first then being loud and saying very disturbing things. I hear the mattress squeaking, the door creaking, and a bunch of moving around. I'm trying to sleep, barely conscious, moaning and groaning, don't know what's going on and he says "Do you want me to stop?" I mumble, "Uh huh" then he asks "why?" then he says something else and groans loud and there is more squeaking and then another door creak, but before that I hear a faint whisper saying I was going to have my pants pulled down. I do remember wearing a shirt and basketball shorts to bed and then waking up in just my underwear which was kind of weird.

So...I don't know. I just want to know, is it possible that my brother raped me? And if he did I'd want to tell my parents but I'm scared they won't believe me because they think he could do no wrong.
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Re: I don't know how to deal with it.

Postby smurf » Sun Dec 06, 2015 5:45 pm

Did you record the latter incident?
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