Is this sexual assault

Living with fiancee so this morning we start to get amorous, she is initiating as much as me. I give her some oral action and she is clearly in pleasure moaning and writhing, we alternate between penetration and my giving her oral. She is obviously close to orgasming when I am giving her oral then she says stop, and then pushes my head away. I keep going for a couple of seconds before stopping....is this abuse?

When we talk she wanted me inside her not giving her oral. She has control issues and doesnt want to lose any control.

Now feel distraught that i didnt stop instantly. She is now feeling worse because I am distraught.

It sounds like you did cross her boundaries, but I think the definition has to be left between the pair of you really... I would honour what she says in this case. It is very important not to push your guilt / distraught feelings onto her and make this all about you though.

I think it might be worth you read this just in case, though:
http://www.phillyspissed.net/sites/default/files/what%20to%20do%20when%20someone%20tells%20you.pdf

It's a zine called 'What to Do When Someone Tells you that you violated their boundaries, made them feel uncomfortable, or committed assault'.

Obviously in terms of a legal definition it depends upon where you live - my understanding is that some states and countries would define that as assault, others not. It seems as though it is not a legal matter though, which is why I think you need to defer to her judgement.

"She is now feeling worse because I am distraught" is very important though. While I relate, it is not really fair to make her feel worse because of your guilt over what you have done, even though I am sure this not your intention. This is easier said than done, however.

Hope this helps somewhat. Sorry I haven't really provided a definite answer. I don't think people can really speak on your fiancee's behalf in this case.

-- Mon Jan 05, 2015 4:58 pm --

I also think this should probably be moved to the remorse sub-forum

No I don't think that is abuse. She just didn't feel like getting more oral..

Legga wrote:No I don't think that is abuse. She just didn't feel like getting more oral..

Yeh but she voiced this and pushed his head away and he continued, which is why it was abuse. I think perhaps it could be possible for the relationship to be repaired, but I think we have to be careful about framing any non-consensual sexual behaviour as not abusive, even if the act seems comparatively less hideous / monstrous than other acts we can image. Like, I don't think the OP is a monster and I'm glad he stopped shortly after, but I still think what he did was wrong TBH.

-- Mon Jan 26, 2015 11:58 am --

EDIT: Just realised I assumed the OP was male, when they may well be female. Apologies!