Our partner

Trigger, flashbacks/nightmares

Open Discussions About Rape and Sexual Assault.

Moderators: salted lipstick, Ada, Restored

Trigger, flashbacks/nightmares

Postby PaleShadow » Wed Aug 23, 2006 9:34 pm

My flashbacks and nightmares are becoming increasingly worse. They had lessened for a month or so...but now they are back in full force. I have nightmares 3-5 times a week....and flashbacks happen when someone (even a male co-worker whom I have known for months) brushes his hand across my lower back in passing...or a guy tries to hug me... and I even got a flashback when I tried to put on chapstick! I feel like I am going crazy... Why are they coming back? My therapist said it's probably because I went off my meds. Maybe she is right...but even when I was on them, I had nightmares 2 or 3 times a week...the nightmares are of my first rape, and the flashbacks are mostly of the first and sometimes of my second sexual assault encounter. The first rape was two years ago...and, although it was violent, I really feel that I should be over it by now....at least over the nightmares and the flashbacks. My second encounter was just a few months ago....(5 months or so)....and it wasn't at all violent... I merely froze when he starting touching me in ways that I didn't like. I didn't know how to say no...I was too scared. he knew what I had been through, and I told him that I couldn't be involved with anyone like that. And then he did it anyway... and it caused the biggest flashback of my life....and after he was done having sex with me I just cried and cried and cried. For hours. And then I was physically sick.

But..why...after all this time are the flashbacks still coming? Why won't the nightmares leave me alone? They're driving me to cut. I hate them. They scare me. I don't like reliving those moments. I don't like feeling his weight coming down on me....his rough and cold hands all over my skin...the alcohol in his breath(we had both had a beer, but neither of us were drunk...)...the rocks jutting in my back...

*shudders* I need these images to leave me forever. Why are they still here? Why?
Psalm 63:7... "Because You are my strength, I sing in the shadow of Your wings."
PaleShadow
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 9:18 pm
Local time: Mon Dec 22, 2014 8:06 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

nightmares

Postby LHauger » Wed Aug 23, 2006 10:32 pm

There may be still some repressed memories that you have not yet talked about. Either that or maybe, you need to talka bout just what triggers you to your therapist. Have you told her about the chapstick, and the male co-workers? She might give you tips on how to calm your nerves down a tad.

May I ask if you think about your day, and what caused a memory before you go to bed? Because that might be effecting your dreams. Sometimes before I sleep I think about my abuse I went through....then I have a hard time falling alseep and wake up with a nighmare.
Im not sure exactly whats causing your flashbacks if they were before getting better. But maybe its more deep rooted. Maybe the day the evnts took place are coming near?
Certain scents, gestures, will almost always cause a memory. Is there anything at all that you can think of that makes you happy?
When I have a male co-worker, or evn a female that tries to hug me, I back away. They already know not to "touch" me, not even on the back. I have not told them why, but they should see it bothers.

Maybe if these flashbacks at work dont stop...is there anyway you can ask the people to not communicate by touching?
Build me up.....knock me down...watch me fall laugh at my bleeding spirit
LHauger
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 151
Joined: Tue May 30, 2006 6:43 am
Local time: Mon Dec 22, 2014 12:06 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby PaleShadow » Wed Aug 23, 2006 10:38 pm

I might have to ask them not to...I mean...I've discussed it with two of them...told them that it just makes me very uncomfortable... But I don't know. I don't want them to treat me like an outcast..you know?

And I have discussed the flashbacks with my therapist. And she wanted me to talk more about them and the nightmares...but I couldn't.

And sometimes at night I do think about it before going to sleep. I don't know, maybe that's why I have nightmares.

*sigh*
Psalm 63:7... "Because You are my strength, I sing in the shadow of Your wings."
PaleShadow
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 9:18 pm
Local time: Mon Dec 22, 2014 8:06 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby Butterfly Faerie » Wed Aug 23, 2006 11:12 pm

I know how hard it is paleshadow. I dealt with terrible triggers and flashbacks (body memories) .... Do you have any coping methods that you can use to ground yourself?

Also what I've always had to constantly do when this happens is to remind myself where I am, that I am safe, that they can't hurt me anymore etc etc etc....


I can't recall if you ever mentioned talking to anyone abuse your past or not... are you seeing anyone?
Butterfly Faerie
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 9239
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 2004 3:25 pm
Local time: Mon Dec 22, 2014 8:06 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby PaleShadow » Thu Aug 24, 2006 12:48 am

I am seeing a therapist who've I have been seeing for a little over a year now.

I don't really have any coping methods...except trying to talk myself down...and...cutting.
Psalm 63:7... "Because You are my strength, I sing in the shadow of Your wings."
PaleShadow
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 9:18 pm
Local time: Mon Dec 22, 2014 8:06 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Rape and Sexual Assault




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests

cron