Hi all,
I have a problem with my mother that I really don't know how to address. She is very verbally abusive towards me. The thing is, it's only me and I have four other siblings, but for some reason I rub her the wrong way no matter how nice I am to her. My mother has hated me and made no bones about it every since I can remember. I remember as a child I would be sitting down playing with my toys and would just happen to look up and catch her giving me the most coldest stare I have every seen in my life. I have not lived at home since I was 17 yrs, but recently had to move back home due to losing my job at 27 and it has been hell. I have only been living here for three months while I find a job and get back on my feet and the insults started the moment I walked in the door. "Damn, you sure have gotten fat!" "That is all you will ever be is a pretty fat girl"! And so on and so on. She wouldn't even let me have a room on the lower level. I have to take a room in the attic, a unfinished attic. No heat, no electricity and can you say bugs! (These are the biggest bugs I have every seen and I am beyond scared of bugs!) So I go downstairs to make me some coffee and she says to me "You have been eating all day"! Guys, I had just woken up at noon on a Saturday! I know this is not as bad as physical or sexual abuse, but her words really do hurt me because she is my mom and I do love her. I have tried to talk to her and tell her that her words really hurt me and she accuses me of being "sensitive" and have "negative feelings" all the time. I just really want someone that has been in this situation to give me some advice. I have no where else to live, so going somewhere else is out of the question and I think about committing suicide daily. I know i don't have the guts to do it, but with no job in site (despite apply for over 200 from my guess) I don't know how much more I can take. I honestly would really like to know WHY she says these things to me. What did I do to her? Anyway, any advice or just words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. Thank you.