Help me - I AM a Pedophile

Inkedupniceguy wrote:I have been suffering through the same thoughts and feelings, but have no sources to express myself to without being judged or hated upon, i need like minded people to speak with and help me with my temptations and urges cause honestly they are becoming too much for me to cope with

Hey, i want to let you know that what you are going through can be undone, it can stop. You just have to use every single bit of your will power to do so. By posting on this website asking for help you have already proved that you are more than capable of not acting on these feelings. That you want to change, that you do not want to cause harm to young children. That is more than enough to say that i know you are capable of looking past this and being able to drown your addiction. before i go on i just want to say that i am proud of you, i am proud that you had the courage, that you had the will power to seek help. There is a part of you that is strong than your addiction, and that part has just shown itself.

I would like to first and foremost say that, although it is not overbearing i have had some of these thoughts as well. When i was 8 years old i was molested by an older male who would do the same thing to his younger brother. Fortunately that was not prolonged as he did it right before he moved away. But it scars me still to this day. I never once went to therapy but i indured deep amount of depression and thoughts of suicide. I want to urge you to take this into consideration, do what others have recommended on this forum. Look up cases of the victims of child molestation, of what has happened to those children after what pedophiles did what they did.
if you act upon your desires. That part of you that made you post on here today will forever haunt you. That loving person that inside of you, that has the sense of morality to know that this is wrong, will torture you, will convict you and will hate you. I know this because when i was 8 years old, after being molested i sought out others like me....and as a result i found others. Unfortunately, there is a deep dark past of mine that refuses to go away. That haunts me every time im alone, and there is no physical person i am able to turn to for help. When i was 8 years old, after being molested myself, i later molested a 3 year old that lived in the same neighborhood. I can tell you that as i type this i want to rip myself apart, i want to kill the evil that made me do that so long ago. But i can tell you that the good part of me, that part that convicts me for what i have done, that convicts me for the thoughts i have has been able to keep me from every doing anything of the such since then. I tell you right now, even though i was really young at the time and did not know what i was doing. It tears me apart everyday. And you do not want to have to suffer the way i do. I use the loving person that i am, and the sense of morality that i have developed to keep myself away from children. And it has worked. You are not alone, i sympathize with you. I feel your pain, i feel your addiction. But i can tell you that you are more than strong enough to never act upon your feelings. Right now i want you to take that sense of morality and use it to help better yourself.

i have had plenty of time to learn some things that will help.

1. always try to be around someone your age, play sports, have game nights. Under any circumstance try to find a way so that you do not have to be alone with your urges. Because when you are alone, that is when they echo with deafening noise that trying to ignore it seems impossible.

2. every time a though comes in your mind, seek that loving and good person that i know you are. Seek the sense of morality, think about the consequences of your actions. Think about if you acted upon your desires, how it would scar the child you are doing it too.

3. When you are alone, keep yourself as busy as possible. Clean, play video games, jam to music. But under no circumstance should you touch a computer while you are alone. This is just asking for that part of you that tells you "its just one video", "Just one photo to satisfy my urges". Those thoughts are lies, it will never be just one of anything. It is like stepping into quick sand, you think it wont harm you, but once your in, no matter how hard you struggle. You cant come out of it.

4. Never under any circumstance be alone with a child. If you are having thoughts about a child, sever your ties with them immediately do anything you can to not give into your urges. If you have to, and i mean it. Lie and tell the person you often are around who has a child that you do not want to be around them anymore.

5. This is by far the most difficult of all to get yourself out of. When you have given into your temptation and are looking at child pornography. At this moment, your urges are being satisfied and every bit of you seems to want more. Even the moral part of you that would keep telling you not to seems to have gone away because the satisfaction drowns everything else out. The only way to cope with what you are doing is for that moral being that inside, that good person dissapeared. But there is a way to bring him back, even when you are in the middle of your urges. Its as simple as writing yourself a note. At this moment, the part of you that does not want to give into these desires. Write yourself a letter. A letter that pleads to every part of you that tells yourself exactly why what you are doing is wrong. You know exactly what makes you feel horrible when you are doing what you are doing. Write that down on paper, and put it somewhere you can see it. put it next to the computer, put it on a sticky note and stick it onto the screen. When you are in the middle of temptation or have given into desires, take out that note and read it.. as soon as you finish reading it, read it again, and that voice that tells you what you are doing is wrong will begin to come back. Even when you are have given in to temptation. After a while, the temptation will begin to fade. And though it will be there from time to time, you will be able to have a normal life and be confident that you will never harm or molest a child.

All of these things have worked for me. So i know they will work for you. i will come back to this website a couple more times today, and the next few days. You are not alone. there is a difference between us, and that is when i was 8 years old i acted upon a urge that i did not know what existed. And it hurts everyday to live with what i have done. But there is a way out of it. I vowed to myself that i will never touch/molest/look/think about a child in a wrong way again, and it has changed my life for the better. When i said that their was no physical person to help at the time, i meant it. But i want to let you know that i did have someone who helped me. It was God, and God has led me here today to help you. You are loved, i love you and i am telling you that you are more than capable of winning this fight. Your post asking for help proves it.

http://www.upworthy.com/this-19-year-ol ... ?c=reccon1

Although i must be completely honest, i have never personally looked at child pornography. my main addiction has been to gay porn. I wanted to share that with you because even though it does not haunt me in that way. My problem was the fact that i was having gay thoughts.... i realized after reading that it may have seemed that i struggled with exactly what you were going through but i was trying to modify what worked for me. I struggled with being gay and as a christian it really affected me. Although i believe what i went through when i was younger was a phase due to the fact that i was molested as a child. As i have gotten older my interest in other men have been kept around my age, i hope for you that it is just a phase. As my sexual addiction, and attraction to other men was when i was younger.

Okay, so here's the thing, if you're still reading this:

I was a pedophile from the age of 15 to 22 (I'm 23 now, I got rid of it about 6 and a half months ago). I did not have any victims, just the attraction, which is over now. So you heard me, it's curable, and it doesn't take much time.

First things first, let me clarify some terms I use. There is the ego. By that, I don't mean confidence, but the part of your mind that cares about how others see you. And that is what you need to kill, cuz it's connected to pedophilia (not 100% sure why). Look at the children, they do all kinds of things without caring about how they look, That's how we basically are. So do what you like, don't care about how others see you, and the pedophilic attraction might ease. In fact, along with focusing on that, I also reviewed a part of my past, when the guy who helped me with this same issue have also talked about:

When I was a child (in school), I was always an outcast, so my ego was very strong. I tried desperately to be 'cool', even to the point where I was almost like a "lap dog", meaning that I was all for just being accepted. And then it got to sexual things, I thought; I believed that I needed to be dirty, kinky with my peers, I believed that I had to be sexually attracted to girls of my age (note that this was still in elementary school, when I way less than 10 years old), I thought had to find them 'hot', so I faked it all the way, faked the emotion, everything.

So you need to dig into your past, if you have experienced something like this. Focus on these to things. I wish you the best.

For starters, I don't believe the OP is 17. It sounds like he's trying to write as if he wants people to believe that he is 17. The post reminds me of those guys who post as pedophile women to lure men in for fun. That aside, coming from a true pedophile who is only into boys, I can say that no one on here is qualified to help a pedophile let alone a 17yo pedophile. I think most of you mean well but you do not care enough to consider the consequences of your advice. No again, the OP is not a 17yo boy but an older guy pretending to be a 17yo boy. Let's say this fake 17yo boy goes to his guidance counselor and discloses that he is a pedo. In reality, that guidance counselor (who is more used to dealing with kids who don't give a $#%^ about school and girl drama and not something as complicated as pedophilia) is going to report him to his parents, the authorities and the school admin because they are required by law and need to cover their ass.

jmorgan wrote:For starters, I don't believe the OP is 17

Well, this was written in 2009, so he's 22 now XD.

Reading over threads like this one, paying special attention to the administrator and moderator comments in it, led me to believe this forum was just one more bastion of intolerance and hate.

I don't know what changed or who died in the intervening years, but it's a pity it didn't happen sooner so that all the people who had to deal with the old board culture could've gotten actual help and support when they came here.

Gwenvar wrote:

jmorgan wrote:For starters, I don't believe the OP is 17

Well, this was written in 2009, so he's 22 now XD.

I was commenting about the first post which was written in 2009. And the OP identified themselves as being female.

After reading many of the replies I have come to some conclusions. Some have stated that its okay as long as you don't act on it. From what I gathered they meant as long as you don't meet them and aren't aggressive then no harm done. I would like to point out that even talking with a minor and flirting in any form can change the way they think. This is not referring specifically to the original post but in general. Its a very frustrating topic for everyone. Many don't want to harm anyone at all and are good down to earth people who don't know enough about their condition, about themselves, or where to seek help/assistance.

I digress to where can you go if you think you have this issue (pedophelia). Is there any place you can go without be put in handcuffs and sanctioned off from society? What if you were wrong about the original self diagnosis, but forced to register? Is there anything that protects them legally from hazing and discrimination? If you do find an establishment are you only admitted after you have gone past the fantasies and acted upon it?

YRR wrote:I don't know what changed or who died in the intervening years, but it's a pity it didn't happen sooner so that all the people who had to deal with the old board culture could've gotten actual help and support when they came here

What happened is "jasmin" is no longer the moderator of this index.