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How I feel about it.

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How I feel about it.

Postby Faline » Tue Jul 29, 2014 10:09 pm

Okay so I'm not really sure how to say this without sounding rude but I watched a young lady on youtube (guessing about 20) talk about her experience about being called out in public by somebody she had never met just for being "ugly" and this guy told her he didn't even want to look at her. She also called fat another day by two guys.

My first reaction was angry at these a$$holes and why does this have to happen? but then I got to thinking if she lost weight (she could lose a bit to be honest) got contact lenses, and maybe styled her hair a different way, this would probably happen a lot less. I realize this shouldn't happen at all, and it is their problem not hers, and people aren't here just to look good. I was thinking more from the angle of if you make a video and complain about something you mentioned you get a lot, maybe put the effort in to losing weight. and if you want maybe change your style a bit.

Now this might sound kind of messed up but I also don't have a problem with "thinspiration" I don't like the skeletal grotesque images that are on a few of those videos ,but even with the waif thin girls, if you are an obese teen/adult maybe they should look at a few of those while you work out, come to the realization that you will never look like them because you are built differently at least you can be the best version of yourself, by mostly healthy eating and exercise.

I don't want to get into the whole eating disorder thing, because I've only had disordered eating once, and I was in control the entire time, I only did it because I liked the way it made me look, but as far as the psychological disorder, that clashes with my ocd as looking gaunt ages you.

But what I don't understand is, overweight people (without health issues, causing them to be overweight) complain about it but do nothing. I knew someone who was happy she discovered weight-watchers chocolate, and when looking for advice how to lose weight I suggested sit ups and she was like oh no I can't do that. (she was younger than me) no health problems just didn't like working out. I work out and eat full fat everything, someone gets me a diet anything and I send it back.

So my point is, what does everyone want here? It's a honest question I don't have bdd so I imagine its like an eating disorder, which must be horrible, but I've seen a few people here who don't seem to have it, as in seeing distorted images, being in normal relationships and a moderate amount of people thinking you are attractive.

So my question is, why don't you just take care of the problems? Like find what's unattractive and get it fixed? (people without bdd) If you think you're a bit plump, work out for free in you own home. If you have a flaw save up to get it fixed, I really don't understand why people hang around here and just complain, I know I've vented about being abused by people, but these are things that affected me greatly and made me feel low, and I'm saving up for surgery to fix those problems, I've seen two posts now about two different guys ashamed of their bad skin. If I was a guy I would just wear coverup, People say it makes you skin worse, wash it off at night, and don't listen to them, I don't know anyone who's skin has been made worse by it, if I was a guy that would definitely be my dirty little secret.

If you find my questions please answer them, because I really want to know why a lot of people are here? I'm here because I wanted a support buddy and for someone to help me on my journey, I don't get that vibe from everyone else.
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Re: How I feel about it.

Postby Bovary » Tue Jul 29, 2014 10:42 pm

I'm here because I need to compare my experiences with the ones of other people to help me put things in perspective.Other thing is that sometimes I just wanna vent,let it all out,it makes me feel better.

And I can't fix anything atm,I'm not earning any money for now.If I start earning money I'll probably start saving up for boobs and few things on face.
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Re: How I feel about it.

Postby The Battle Rages On » Tue Jul 29, 2014 11:04 pm

I finally saw a surgeon a couple of years ago. They told me there was nothing they could do for me, and that I looked 'ok', although I think they were an ethical mob with my name in the databases as a BDD sufferer.

Right now, I'm here because I'm bored and lonely, and started some new things in the past year to try and feel/look better, including quitting cigs, regular weights/exercise and gradually improved diet, and seeing a new therapist after about 5 years of not bothering other than staying on my meds (this one does hypnotherapy and relaxation techniques, which I'd not really tried before). I'm also perhaps a bit more accepting these days that I have BDD (as well as just being fugly :P), and I've reached out to a local BDD group who actually meet up with other sufferers. I've never done that, so I'm seriously considering it.

I'm also here because I'm reaching out a bit as my friends and family get too busy with life to give hermit me much in the way of communication/socialising, and a few in recent times have written me off altogether, which is quite sad and scary when you've known and trusted them a long time, and aren't making new ones, or looking like being able to do so.

I do agree with faline that trying to be a bit fitter and healthier can help to feel better about your appearance, and in general, but it can be almost impossible when you're in the depths of BDD/depression/futility/suicidal thoughts etc. Even if you do find the will to try, maintaining positive efforts for life is also very difficult, especially if you're alone. Having a trusted friend to exercise with without others seeing me has helped me big time in the last few months, and I feel incredibly fortunate to still have him as a mate after 20 years or so.
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Re: How I feel about it.

Postby sam23 » Wed Jul 30, 2014 5:12 am

Faline wrote:So my question is, why don't you just take care of the problems? Like find what's unattractive and get it fixed? (people without bdd) If you think you're a bit plump, work out for free in you own home. If you have a flaw save up to get it fixed, I really don't understand why people hang around here and just complain, I know I've vented about being abused by people, but these are things that affected me greatly and made me feel low, and I'm saving up for surgery to fix those problems, I've seen two posts now about two different guys ashamed of their bad skin. If I was a guy I would just wear coverup, People say it makes you skin worse, wash it off at night, and don't listen to them, I don't know anyone who's skin has been made worse by it, if I was a guy that would definitely be my dirty little secret.

If you find my questions please answer them, because I really want to know why a lot of people are here? I'm here because I wanted a support buddy and for someone to help me on my journey, I don't get that vibe from everyone else.


I went to a few and the technology didn't exist back them to fix it and even now it wouldn't fix the deficit.. If you have bad facial bone structure you're screwed . A nose
is pretty simple and a larger chin no problem.
They all agreed with me and saw the problem but there was no real solution . One guy had the nerve to tell me to grow my hair long to try and conceal it. That cost me $150 for the consultation.
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Re: How I feel about it.

Postby baby peach » Wed Jul 30, 2014 5:54 am

most people with bdd who get plastic surgery end up feeling just as bad or even worse about themselves post-op. some even become suicidal because the changes they see really mess with their head. just read any plastic surgery experience thread in this very forum, most are extremely negative. if "just losing weight" or "just getting surgery" was the answer it probably wouldn't be a mental disorder. if doing either of those things completely fixes what you think is your bdd, you probably never had bdd in the first place. maybe for some people getting surgery would help, but bdd runs extremely deep and if it's untreated (by mental help) it will just keep resurfacing. from what i've read, getting surgery tends to just heighten the ocd tendencies and makes a person more obsessed. i personally still want to go through with having surgery, but i'm merely looking to improve my appearance as much as i can without having unrealistic expectations. my symptoms are not as severe as others here. another thing to consider is that not a lot of people can even afford surgery. most procedures are very expensive and unless you're loaded with money, it takes time to save up. some people are in situations where it's impossible to save money. so what are they supposed to do?
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Re: How I feel about it.

Postby Faline » Wed Jul 30, 2014 10:24 am

Like I said I don't believe anybody with the disorder should be having surgery, this will only complicate things further.

I can't explain it, just the last few weeks of posts I don't really understand, like now Bovary you want things done to your face?? First it was just your boobs.

There's other people as well who have gotten worse, I don't get it, I haven't changed what type of surgeries I want to my face, I need my lips done too, but I will never get them done, as I have never seen one person with those done, who looks good. So that's my compromise.

I think firebird when I first came here you seemed quite confident about your looks, you just wanted to be a bit better looking, now you think you're ugly? Forgive me if I'm being too personal, I just don't understand what's happening.
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Re: How I feel about it.

Postby sam23 » Wed Jul 30, 2014 4:21 pm

Everyone can find problems with their appearance regardless of
how beautiful they may be . I would say the majority
of people are insecure about their appearance on a daily basis but
don't let it bother their daily lives. Unfortunately our culture has become
increasingly obsessed with beauty and as such you are judged as
a person for it .Why wouldn't it make people a little crazy?
Couple that with OCD for your appearance and that's what you get
on here with many people. Extreme ups and downs are the norm.
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Re: How I feel about it.

Postby sam23 » Wed Jul 30, 2014 4:50 pm

Faline what are you going to get fixed ?
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Re: How I feel about it.

Postby Faline » Wed Jul 30, 2014 7:28 pm

I'm going to get a Rhinoplasty and a chin augmentation (the kind where they file it down) In a perfect world I'd get botox in my lips and my eyes pulled further apart as well, but that would make me look plastic, so after the surgeries of my choosing, I'll see how I feel, I doubt I'll be able to afford more surgery anyway, the cost of everything else is already wiping me out, but I do plan on getting botox in my face or having my skin lasered instead of the botox.

I will never get botox in my lips though, I need it, but its not worth it, I have never seen a decent job.
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Re: How I feel about it.

Postby sam23 » Wed Jul 30, 2014 8:28 pm

Faline wrote:I'm going to get a Rhinoplasty and a chin augmentation (the kind where they file it down) In a perfect world I'd get botox in my lips and my eyes pulled further apart as well, but that would make me look plastic, so after the surgeries of my choosing, I'll see how I feel, I doubt I'll be able to afford more surgery anyway, the cost of everything else is already wiping me out, but I do plan on getting botox in my face or having my skin lasered instead of the botox.



There is no way to get yuur eyes pulled apart anyways. That would entail major surgery and huge risk from a cranio-facial surgeon.They woudn't do that on a healthy person.Botox in your lips?
Do you mean fillers?
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