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Could a bad break-up cause PTSD?

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Could a bad break-up cause PTSD?

Postby reese316 » Sun Jun 12, 2011 3:08 am

A few years ago I had a really bad break up. And this relationship only lasted for 3 months. But I just fell head over heels for this girl, and was just certain that she would be my wife in the future. But things went bad, We were addicted to each other, all we did was hang out with each other. I got too clingy, and scared here off.

It hit me my total surprise like a freight train. It took me at least 6 months to partially get over her.
I still think about her every day, so don't think I totally over it.
What is wrong with me?

It seems like I have a lot more nightmares now then good dreams. I used to dream about her all the time, but when i waked up and realized it was just a dream it depressed me even more.

Sometimes I almost feel like i want to suffer more to prove my love to her or something. Like if i can't have her than i don't want anyone else.

And i made this impulse decision to join navy ocs, and my plan was to use my hatred for her to motivate me to make it thru ocs, but by the time i got there i lost my hatred for her, and did not have any motivation to get thru the program, and I dropped out of the school, and the navy.

I want to murder her one minute, then marry her the next.
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Re: Could a bad break-up cause PTSD?

Postby CrackedGirl » Mon Jun 13, 2011 1:26 pm

It sounds like you really are struggling to get over this relationship. One thing I would suggest is some counselling to get the anger and hurt out. Please try this as it sounds like you are miserable atm. Whether or not this is PTSD I am not sure but it is a sure thing you are hurting and I think counselling would help with that. Good luck

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Re: Could a bad break-up cause PTSD?

Postby carpediem46 » Mon Jun 13, 2011 9:02 pm

I agree with Cracked, it sounds like seeing a professional may help you work your way through this.
To answer your question, I'm not sure if this alone could cause PTSD as even though a break up can hurt A LOT, it's usually a severe traumatic event or series of events that causes PTSD. It does seem like a good sign if you are able to distinguish that these are nightmares and not something that feels like the actual event happening over and over, as though it were real.
Either way, if this is really effecting you I really would advise you see someone, as this seems to be really effecting you
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Re: Could a bad break-up cause PTSD?

Postby Lotty » Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:54 am

I see this post is a few month old now but i just wanted to say that i hope you have sought some form of supprt. I don't know anything about PTSD but from my own experience, i think a bad break up can cause extreme and sustained emotional distress that can be very damaging for a person's mental and physcial health if it is not addressed. I tried to ignore the effects of a rejection and deep hurt through a haze of alcohol and other dysfunctional behaviour for a year and a half which caused me all sorts of problems before i sought any help. I can totally relate to the dreams, the nightmares and the mixed up feelings of longing for someone who has hurt you so terribly badly and at the same time wanting to exact revenge. I'm not saying this is the case with you, but I realised that i delayed seeking help because it was the first step on the road to accepting that I had lost the person i loved so much and having to face the complete shock that they didn't seem to have the same depth of feeling for me and could happily treat me in certain ways that i never expected. If you've been deeply wounded it's only natural to want to lash out, but personally i don't think it's a good plan for anyone to try handling such conflicting feelings on their own. It can be very frightening. Counselling can bring up all sorts of things and isn't exactly a cakewalk in itself, but from my experience it can really help to keep overwhelming and potentially dangerous emotions in check and keep you from doing/saying things that in the long run will only be bad for you. I now see counselling as a way of putting myself first which i've never been good at in life and which led to me having unsatisfactory and damaging relationships in the first place.
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Re: Could a bad break-up cause PTSD?

Postby SoftSteps » Sat Nov 05, 2011 10:19 pm

My guess is that you've come from a background that discouraged dating. Look at this as an early attempt. Lighten up. Seriously.

You gotta play it like whack-a-mole to get it out of your system. Go to an online dating site, say "hi" to a bunch of nice girls, and get comfortable with flirting. Maybe read up on it a little. But seriously. Just go online and do it.

You're not looking for "the one." Watch your emotions. Don't get too attached.

After a few months of practice, you'll decide to find someone. And you'll have the skills necessary to keep her around.

You gotta flush this bad experience from your system. Do it with new experiences. Good experiences.
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Re: Could a bad break-up cause PTSD?

Postby salted lipstick » Tue Nov 08, 2011 3:51 pm

SoftSteps, it's not appropriate to be telling another member to "Lighten up. Seriously". That is a very invalidating and unsupportive way to talk to another member. Please refrain from speaking to other members in that way, this is a support forum and posts must remain supportive in the tone of language used.
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Re: Could a bad break-up cause PTSD?

Postby B1g_Ben » Tue Dec 06, 2011 3:00 am

Your post caught my eye as that's EXACTLY how I am feeling now and have been for almost 4 months since my gf of 3yrs and 9 months left me over the phone with nonsense reasons! I've since learned through my own hard work, diligent research and doing a lot of "putting the pieces together" that she was and definitely did cheat on me and I'm very certain has undiagnosed Borderline personality disorder. some of the literature I've read on BPD compare it exactly to going off to war and then coming back and having PTSD. They even say it's actually much worse as it happens in your own home, slowly but surely and you can't escape it unless you leave them - which can be hell too - or they leave you which is again hell as they leave you confused, bewildered as they blame you for everything under the sun for the relationship being bad and them leaving, alone, in severe shock, etc... Like her and me used to talk and/or text every almost every single day and then BAM one day she calls me up and I haven't heard a single word from her since despite my efforts and sending her a very heartfelt, honest, caring letter 1 month later. Yes I completely agree that a bad break-up and/or a bad relationship can cause PTSD!!! PM me if you want to talk with more specifics
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Re: Could a bad break-up cause PTSD?

Postby reese316 » Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:45 am

yea, bigben, my life has turned into a roller coaster ride. one day, i might be thinking that this girl really likes me, and i have something going.
then the bottom falls out, and i realize that noting is going to happen, and i am alone again.

i just started dating a new girl, and things are going great. But that scares me.

I know i am going to do something to screw it up, and i will be hurt more in the end.


if that happens, i might just snap, and really loose it.

In the end Newton is always right... What goes up, must come down.
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Re: Could a bad break-up cause PTSD?

Postby B1g_Ben » Mon Dec 26, 2011 4:36 am

Reese316 did you read up on borderline personality disorder?? Whenever I read about a relationship being a "roller coaster ride" I automatically jump to thinking maybe someone with borderline personality disorder or histrionic personality disorder is involved! That's exactly how you could describe my past relationship - a roller coaster ride - as I never knew whether I was going to have a gf from day-to-day once she had split me black in her mind. I look back and realize how abnormal she was with her ludicrous thinking of how things should be with us and ironically everything was in her favour! I should do more of this, less of that, do more, fight harder for her, etc... yet she neglected to mention how she was doing NOTHING for us and never, ever, fought for me and us! The craziness of everything and the intense ups and downs literally left me spinning and in intense shock for months after The Phone Call where she ended almost 4 years worth of what I thought was love, trust, companionship, friends, acquaintances, etc... for seemingly NO reason! I'm certain I still have the remnants of PTSD despite all of the therapy, reading and talking I've done about this messed up situation. Like you I'm also terrified of dating again and I have ZERO trust in women - except for my Mom - and am afraid of giving myself to a new girl and getting my heart crushed through no fault of my own. I'm afraid of her cheating on me and lying to me when I confront her like my ex did. My guard will never be fully down again like it was with my ex as I have no way of knowing the next girl isn't another snake in the grass waiting to infect me with her poison and then leave me when I need her most! I mean 3 years and 9 month is a long time and out of that time I'd say over 3 years were seemingly perfect. So how do you know whether a girl is really "the one" or trustworthy with your heart? From my own experience time isn't a reliable enough indicator. People's words and gestures aren't reliable either. I suppose actions are the best predictor of future behaviour but I'd add the caveat that you kind of have to know what you're looking for and also looking to see what is not there too. In my own situation for instance I had NOOOOOOO idea about BPD or HPD until 3 months after that phone call. It was a solid 2.5 months after that phone call before I put the pieces together to know that she did and probably was with another guy too, cheating on me! Finding this all out long after the fact only added insult to injury as 1 month after The Call I sent her a very detailed apology letter for whatever it was that really bothered her about me and made her leave. I said countless times how I pictured us spending our lives together, how much I loved her with all my heart and soul, all the little things about her I'm missing, how proud I was of her for her accomplishments I was around to witness, etc... Then a solid 2 months or so AFTER sending that I realize it had nothing to do with me and EVERYTHING TO DO with her as she cheated on me and couldn't be around me or my family anymore because of the intense guilt!! I should've known as the writing was on the wall but I didn't see it as I trusted her with my life and was blinded by my love. The shell shock I felt after that call was like I just witnessed the most horrific torture imaginable. She screamed at me on the phone for the entire time - after she told me "we weren't meant to be together" - about everything I had done wrong, wasn't doing just right or should have been doing better HAHA!! All the things, in hindsight, made absolutely no sense, were illogical and basically the ramblings of a cheating, mentally ill woman who didn't want to look after me after my shoulder surgery...

My two main pieces of advice for you Reese316 are to never fully trust another woman until you're 99.99% positive she's safe and with that being said to try and forget about the ex, the nightmare, what she said, did, didn't do, etc... and start fresh with the new girl. Don't ever forget what lessons you learned the hard way in this past relationship but don't burden the new girl with your heartache from the last one. It's incredibly tough to do and believe me I'm attempting to do the same stuff I"m advocating for you to do so I know what it's like. All the best my friend and just remember onward and upward! Forget about the negativity and trash from your past, it'll do you NO favours!!
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Re: Could a bad break-up cause PTSD?

Postby reese316 » Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:32 am

A lot of times I have the mentality of a closer in baseball. Something bad happens and i just forget about it and move on.

i give up a homerun, so what, that already happened, and now i need to pitch to the next guy.

But that can be bad too, because i never learn from my mistakes. I just forget my mistakes, and repeat them the next time.
I need to find middle ground there.


It sounds like you got too attached to her, and she was abusing that. That is one of my biggest problems too.
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