I'm pretty sure that I have PTSD. I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship when I was in high school. It was the first time I had sex and fell in love. I suppressed all of my emotions afterward and never sought out help. I ruled out PTSD for over four years now and ignored any symptoms. I'm at the point where I can't ignore it anymore. Whenever I have something that triggers past emotions I have an anxiety attack or am launched into a numb state. I can usually take control and get myself out of it, but it takes a little while. It lasts longer if there is alcohol involved.
I have a really great boyfriend right now and we are both falling for each other. Even though I feel so comfortable with him, it's so difficult for me to orgasm. It has been impossible with other guys, but I usually faked it. I don't fake it with him because I want it to be real. Although he is so patient, I know it's frustrating when I don't get off. It's not that I don't enjoy it. It feels great and I am aroused the entire time. I get some type of mental block and tense up when I feel like I am about to cum. I only orgasmed twice and once was with alcohol. I told him about my past, but not in depth. I am really nervous to tell him that I might have PTSD.
I've been letting my guard down with him which is one of the things that makes be susceptible to flashbacks and a release of negative uncomfortable emotions still built up from my past. There is no reason for me to be unhappy because everything in my life is going so well.
This is the first time I'm admitting that I might have PTSD. It's going to be even harder to tell my boyfriend, friends and family. I know it's only going to get worse if I don't get help. I am posting this on here to ask if anyone has any advice or knows of good sources of information. It has taken years to finally admit it to myself so I have no idea how I am supposed to tell someone else. I appreciate any help anyone can give me.