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PTSD Blackouts: Hurting my BF, need ALL help and advice

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PTSD Blackouts: Hurting my BF, need ALL help and advice

Postby AngelPets » Fri Aug 09, 2013 5:44 am

Hey Everyone!

This is my first post here, I'm looking to meet other who are suffering with PTSD like myself and see if we can all share advice and tips on overcoming and dealing with it.

I have a question that I REALLY need some help with.

First just a little background. I've had more events in my life happen to me to cause my diagnosed PTSD than I can count. I'm a 27 year old female. I was first molested for years by my uncle when I was 8, 2 men broke into my house and raped me, I was drugged at a bar and raped, I got into a car accident during winter and was stuck under my flipped over car for hours all alone, got beaten up by my first boyfriend causing my nose and 6 teeth to break, I had a man I was seeing shoot himself in the head right infront of me, my only grandmother who was the strongest and bravest woman in the world died in my arms... The list goes on. Lets just say, I haven't had an easy life. I've seen more therapist and doctors than I can count as well. Most can't handle my case, say its to "extreme"

I met a man about 2 year ago (Mike) and I was doing abit better when we first started dating. I was able to keep my demons and fears hidden because he was such a sweet guy. Like this man was the only person I loved more than myself. We moved in together and that's kinda when the sh*t hit the fan. I got ill and had to take medical leave (Unrelated to my PTSD) and he lost his high paying job due to me (I won't go into details)

Anyways to the point. We've been living together about 8 months and almost since we moved in together my PTSD just started to become unbearable.
What happens to me is when something reminds me of a past trauma or anything like that happens, I blackout. Now during my blackouts, I've said some of the most horrible things in the world to Mike. Things like "I'm going to kill you" "I'm going to take your house and leave you on the street" "I never really loved you" etc... Just mean and evil things.
The thing is I have NO recollection at all of me saying these things to him. Only when I'm confronted by him or I ask him if something's bothering him will he tell me what I said.
Needless to say our relationship has taken a serious nose dive. Our once perfect union has turned into him just hating me. He says he hates his life, wants me to leave, and even says he'll never forget the things I've said to him.
I understand why he feels this way, I just don't know what I can do!

We agreed to give it to the end of the month to really try "make it work"
I love this man more than anything and I'm willing to do anything to prove to him this, I just don't know how. I've told him I don't remember saying these things, I'm sorry, I don't mean them... But he just can't forget what I've told him.

Does anyone have ANY idea or tips on how to save a relationship? I subjected couples therapy, but we hardly have any money for that and live paycheck to paycheck.

How can I truly prove that I don't remember these things and not only help myself but help him?
Because I've really hurt him and it hurts me more knowing I hurt a loved one.

I thank you all for reading and accept all advice, tips, or even exercises we can do to strengthen our once strong relationship.

Thanks,

Marissa
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Re: PTSD Blackouts: Hurting my BF, need ALL help and advice

Postby jaus tail » Sat Aug 10, 2013 11:24 am

i've realized that the problems that i have, it is not my friend's responsibility. it's like if i have some physical ailment, i'll go to a doctor or bone specialist to heal me. but my friend's wont be able to give me the right advice. it's not fair on them. so i dont expect them to read about my mental challenge or other problems i am facing.

i do get very alone at times and feel like calling my friend and crying but it's not their fault plus they wont understand. i mean they werent the one who caused my condition/depression.

how to save relationship..i dont have much idea but communication helps. also i dont try to force my friendship on anyone. if it's there, it's there. if not, then so be it. i put in a few efforts to make friends but after that, i dont bother.

we need to be our own friend. you're relation was strong once, it can be strong again. tell him about your challenge and say that you'll work through your challenge.

take care
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Re: PTSD Blackouts: Hurting my BF, need ALL help and advice

Postby AngelPets » Sat Aug 10, 2013 6:57 pm

jaus tail wrote:i've realized that the problems that i have, it is not my friend's responsibility. it's like if i have some physical ailment, i'll go to a doctor or bone specialist to heal me. but my friend's wont be able to give me the right advice. it's not fair on them. so i dont expect them to read about my mental challenge or other problems i am facing.

i do get very alone at times and feel like calling my friend and crying but it's not their fault plus they wont understand. i mean they werent the one who caused my condition/depression.

how to save relationship..i dont have much idea but communication helps. also i dont try to force my friendship on anyone. if it's there, it's there. if not, then so be it. i put in a few efforts to make friends but after that, i dont bother.

we need to be our own friend. you're relation was strong once, it can be strong again. tell him about your challenge and say that you'll work through your challenge.

take care



You DID read what I wrote didn't you? How does this help me?
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Re: PTSD Blackouts: Hurting my BF, need ALL help and advice

Postby TGFSmith » Sat Aug 10, 2013 7:19 pm

I have blackouts, too, as part of my dissociation. We couldn't read your post because of the triggers, but is there a chance you seriously dissociate, or "space-out" too? I would maybe look into dissociative amnesia to start.

-Jeff
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"I think, therefore I am."
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Re: PTSD Blackouts: Hurting my BF, need ALL help and advice

Postby OMNICELL » Mon Aug 12, 2013 5:19 am

Concerning the blackouts; You carry the message, not the person. You can have him call a therapist and ask about dissociative disorder and related CPTSD problems.

If he does not accept the message, its then your decision do stay or leave!
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Re: PTSD Blackouts: Hurting my BF, need ALL help and advice

Postby Ada » Sun Aug 18, 2013 7:32 pm

I don't think tips or exercises are going to help here. This isn't a couples' crisis. You're having serious problems which are terrible for you to go through. And almost as hard on your boyfriend. To stand any chance of saving the relationship, I think you need to save yourself first.

If you're in the US, this post has some ideas for ways to access free or low-cost counselling and support. Focusing on the blackouts and finding ways to prevent them being triggered or mitigate their severity would seem like it will help both of you. It might also help if your boyfriend were able to talk to a counsellor of his own to help him work through the issues that are coming up here.

Finally, I wasn't sure from what you said whether you'd told your boyfriend about any of your personal history before you moved in together. Or now, even. That is where honest communication will come in. If he knows that he can trust you to be open with him. Then it's easier to believe you when you describe the blackout arguments as not being how you really feel. If you're not comfortable with being honest with him, then I think it will be difficult to get past that for both of you.
We think too much and feel too little.
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