My World, Trapped In Yours

My World, Trapped In Yours

Lying in bed awake awaiting sleep as some thoughts come to mind...

After being diagnosed bipolar four years ago I was told very matter of factly that people with my condition have a much higher chance of committing suicide, especially among those choosing not to take medication like myself. The synopsis that there was something wrong with me greatly agitated me. I chose not to take medication in hopeful belief of my own sanity.

Because mainstream psychology labeled me with having irrational tendencies, it would therefore be sensible for me to go about thinking with caution in light of my condition; I might think myself into doing something completely irrational otherwise. I slowly began to think in this way, as a detached entity of sorts, constantly reasoning how a normal person might reason, react, and ultimately act during situations of social significance.

It is extremely awkward thinking in this way, as a man apart from himself. How is it that I am even capable of thinking rationally, if it isn’t in my supposed nature? Choosing not to take medication while also rejecting my natural way of thinking due to some lurking suspicion that I might be crazy I now see was counterintuitive in that each have the same end affect: to alter who I am.

Because of principle and self preference I chose not to alter my mental and physiological state with medication. Instead, the persistence of real life expectations drove me on some less conscious level to pacify and assimilate myself in personality, opinion, and point of view, just as was initially prescribed.

It is difficult simply being yourself when you know your ideas are not widely appreciated. It is difficult accepting yourself when others don’t and convince you that you shouldn’t either. And it’s enraging to see how you denied yourself on behalf of those same people.

I realize with ever more clarity how unhealthy the degradation of humanity has become. It is tragic how far down a path towards destruction we have let our world go, socially, morally, physically...

A place where war is deterred by the threat of total nuclear annihilation.
A place where pollution is not only tolerated, but its severity downplayed.
A place where imperialism is masked, tolerated, and accepted.
A place where civilians in the hundreds of thousands die in the name of liberation.
A place where giving second chances is just plain stupid.
A place where laws are held in higher importance than right and wrong.
A place where you word means nothing.
A place where we abort our children after having been given the privilege of being born.
A place where taking advantage of others is just good business.
A place where CEOs must be legally obligated to use bail out money intended for their company instead of literally bailing out.
A place where we complain about cafeteria food because starving people never have to put up with it.
A place where millions of people live in online video games because the people they know in real life suck that much.

In summary, I’m perfectly fine with being irrational if being rational means blindly adhering to modern western values. Sometimes it feels like I was born in a hell of egotist narcissistic nationalists, where people actually complain about movies like Avatar because they can’t stand the honest truth. We’re not always the good guys.

Note: I’m not anti-American, but I do think a good portion of people leading our country are.

*applauds* not exactly poetry in a classic form, but philosofical in its own right and more than welcome here, let me continue by saying I wholeheartedly agree, on everything you say apart from the abortion law *smiles* those reasons are personal, so I wont bother you with them while I am praizing you for saying it like it is *nods* not only politically but also personally, I myself was diagnosed with BPD 7 years ago, so you can safely assume I am atleast 7 years old *grins* and I know what its like to wonder what "normal" people do in certain situations, contemplating if and how you should respond to other people in sometimes unforgiving circumstances, anyway thank you for allowing us to share in your visions, I could talk for hours bout things like this, but I dont enjoy a monologue very much, so I will leave you to yours *nods*