bsl9408 wrote:I'm not going to go too deep into a reply because what you have said is extremely triggering/insulting/hurtful..
physiologically yes the actions are voluntary but NEVER have i had any malicious intent or premeditation that has led me to them..
premeditation is unlikely when a symptom is impulsiveness
all actions are out of desperation
If it was voluntary, I'd just be able to "get over it" and "move on" or "snap out of it" like I've been told so many times before by my so called friends. No mental illness is voluntary- some people may be genetically predisposed to it, but they ultimately end up that way because of their life experiences. It's the result of a combination of chemical imbalances and a traumatic past. Trying to outrun either of them is near on impossible. Having yet another person wanting to tell me that my feelings aren't real or important is incredibly invalidating. Maybe I should be used to that by now.
People might become addicted to self harming, but that's because it's the only way they can find relief from thoughts and feelings too hard to try explain. I honestly don't know how else to express those feelings. I'll admit to having done it for attention before- but only because I didn't know how else to ask for help and how to let those feelings out any other way, or how to let them know just how much pain I was in. I was at a pretty desperate point though.
I don't think I can write anything more on the topic without totally going off the deep end.