Is BPD 'Voluntary'? ***TRIGGER WARNING***

[lilyfairy]

I'm not going to go too deep into a reply because what you have said is extremely triggering/insulting/hurtful..

but..

physiologically yes the actions are voluntary but NEVER have i had any malicious intent or premeditation that has led me to them..

premeditation is unlikely when a symptom is impulsiveness

all actions are out of desperation

This exactly.

If it was voluntary, I'd just be able to "get over it" and "move on" or "snap out of it" like I've been told so many times before by my so called friends. No mental illness is voluntary- some people may be genetically predisposed to it, but they ultimately end up that way because of their life experiences. It's the result of a combination of chemical imbalances and a traumatic past. Trying to outrun either of them is near on impossible. Having yet another person wanting to tell me that my feelings aren't real or important is incredibly invalidating. Maybe I should be used to that by now.

People might become addicted to self harming, but that's because it's the only way they can find relief from thoughts and feelings too hard to try explain. I honestly don't know how else to express those feelings. I'll admit to having done it for attention before- but only because I didn't know how else to ask for help and how to let those feelings out any other way, or how to let them know just how much pain I was in. I was at a pretty desperate point though.

I don't think I can write anything more on the topic without totally going off the deep end.

[distortedgirl]

I want to know what "voluntary" means. Nobody force me to do a certain thing, so I could say all of my actions are "voulntary".

[MissAli]

As a BPD who has had family issues of my own, as my parents would like to bear no responsibility on my outcome with this disorder, I also find that it is very triggering.

Many parents do not want to face the fact that abuse in the home, or by relatives, is where a lot of this stems.

Do you feel that there have been problems in the home that maybe you could attend family therapy with your daughter to help them be resolved? I think this would be a good first step to understanding the disorder and its roots...

My best to you <3

AMP

[JohnnyBlaze]

I think, rather than calling my actions (that qualify as BPD symptoms) voluntary, the more accurate term would be to call them reactive. Years of conditioning have taught us to be the way we are.

When someone pushes you from behind, your first action is usually to use your arms to cushion your fall. Technically, that's voluntary. If you really wanted to, you could kiss concrete, but very few do - they extend their arms. We're the same way. We've learned how to deal with certain things in the way we do, so it is second nature to is, but not quite involuntary.

As to how we became the way we are, it may be voluntary by someone, but usually not ourselves. Many members here were abused in various manners, and the reactions they now have are the way they learned to protect themselves.

[Lily82]

Wow, such a triggering post!

I'm sorry to all the pwBPD on here who have to read this. Nobody on here should have to justify their disorder in this way, please don't think you have to! Having a parent talking about their kids' self-harm like that is very upsetting to see.

Miss_understood, BPD is created from trauma, nobody is born with this disorder. There is no such thing as a disorder that causes someone to be manipulative, self-harm etc. These BEHAVIOURS come from survival skills we learned growing up in an abusive household.

I know it's easy to blame this 'disorder', but it's a form of PTSD. Please look at your family, and look into 'Schema therapy' for your daughter.

It's your daughter who should be looking for answers as to why she behaves that way, she would be very welcome here.

[JohnnyBlaze]

Lily, there already is a trigger warning on it. Anyone choosing to open the link and read the thread does so of their own volition, knowing that it may set them off. I know that some people are attracted to triggers as a form of self-injury, but we can only do so much; people must take responsibility for what they read, when properly warned.

[Lily82]

Lily, there already is a trigger warning on it. Anyone choosing to open the link and read the thread does so of their own volition, knowing that it may set them off. I know that some people are attracted to triggers as a form of self-injury, but we can only do so much; people must take responsibility for what they read, when properly warned.

Yeah, of course. This wasn't aimed at the site. I know you can only do so much.

I'm ok with it, it's just sad to see, you know? And I guess I clicked onto it not knowing what I would see. It could have been from a pwBPD, which would have been entirely different. I didn't realise it would be from a parent.

[Immy]

I almost wish my actions were voluntary. At least then I'd have an excuse for what I do; be it anger, lashing out, turning totally volitile, and so forth.

I did some things a few weeks ago which cost me my closest friendships. Why did I do it? I would freaking LOVE to know. I would really love to go back in time, knowing what I know now, and NOT become the monster which destroys 3 years of socializing and trying to make good with people for once in my life.

Voluntary? Tell me that I actively volunteered to completely frighten and alienate the few people who actually tried to spend time with me.

Really.

Can you say that?

[MissAli]

As I have gotten a lot of feedback from this thread from our BPD members, I believe it would be better suited for the Parenting forum.

If there are any questions regarding moving this post, please PM me.

I think its best for all involved, and with our members in mind,


<3


AMP

[Tempest88]

I believe that certain aspects of BPD are voluntary ... but not everyone is the same so I can only speak for my daughter with regards my thinking. The manipulation and the lies are voluntary and premeditated, so these are aspects of BPD that CAN be changed and are therefore voluntary.

We all have choices... we act on these choices of our own free will. People with Personality Disorders are Disordered... which does effect the choices they make.

Your daughter very well may be lying and manipulating and maybe it's premeditated and yes, it's her choice... but her BPD influences the choices she makes. That's how her brain is working. Her actions are voluntary but her Disorder which influences them was not voluntary.