Can I ever have children?

As a pedophile I worry about having a family. I'm not trying to do that anytime soon (I'm in my early 20's) but I would like to know if it would be safe for me to ever start a family of my own. I've seen some evidence on here that people do, but it just makes me very nervous. It almost seems like I'd be gambling my child's happiness on the strength of my inner-resolve. If that makes any sense.

I see friends of mine settling down and having babies (which seems odd, but that's a separate topic) and I want to congratulate them, but I withdraw because I don't want to run the risk of somehow triggering. I also worry that if they found out what some of my desires were they would feel somehow tainted.

I'd like to be a father someday, being able to teach my kid how to navigate this crazy world. Watching them become their own person. I think childhood is kinda magical, corny as it sounds to say so. But I'm afraid of my own desires. Thoughts? Advice?

Ild either say suck it up and build the resolve or dont have kids. people are only as strong as their will. So you need a strong will. If your resolve waivers then dont have kids until you keep it strong. though if you love the woman who gave birth to it i think that that makes all the difference.

How do I know when I'm strong enough?

Edit:

though if you love the woman who gave birth to it i think that that makes all the difference.

Has that been your experience?

Well I am not a parent either as I am 21. However in my experience whilst I have fantasizes about young family members in the past when I am actually near them or in contact with them they revert to being young family members and I imagine the feeling of parenthood would exaggerate that further and being a parent overrides sexual feelings and nullifies them. It tends to only be around strangers kids or distant friends and relations that I start letting desire slip in. Although I just never feel as aroused around real kids cos I have good self control.

But as has been this is a very subjective view and its up to the individual. I will certainly have a family one day as there's nothing I want more. Although as a gay man the trick of 'loving the mother' may be difficult :p The important factor is loving the child, and how any parent can not love their child is beyond me.

I don't think you should accept anyone's answer but your own, although asking their advice and experiences is of course always helpful. Thus my personal slant on it. Ultimately if in doubt, don't. Because like you say you'd be gambling with a child's wellbeing and that will NEVER stack up against your own desires to have a family, no matter how strong they are. I know that whilst I lapse into dirty day dreams and fantasies I will never act on it so I feel comfortable to start a family when I reach that age.

This is also an area that helps to have honesty with your partner. For example my bf of 5 years knows everything about my sexuality, he is one my key support figures and one of the questions I will ask him is if he thinks I can be trusted and unless both of us agree that I either won't have any fantasies about my own kids or that I can be trusted with self-control then my family line will end (I am an only child and grandchild )

Hope that helps, although you got ages to think about it (unless you are straight/bi and don't use condoms :p in which case, start using condoms :p)

I have talked to a few dads that are pedophiles and they seem to be better dads that nons because they know the effect that child sexual abuse could have on there children and some have said that they have felt nothing remotely sexual towards there own children, so perhaps that would happen to you. I have heard various view points from pedophiles that have children and all are different.

If you have to ask it, then probably not.

Would you have a sexual relationship with your child (yes/no)
If no: have children
If yes: proceed to next question
Is child sex objectively bad (yes/no)
no: have kids
Yes: don't have kids


that is all

Hi AC,

I'm in the same situation right now, and it seems like every day my view on the matter switches. For one, I feel like there would be a huge absence in my life if I were never to get married or have kids. Creativity and the arts are a big part of my life, and kids just seem to have a natural genius of imagination and perspective, so I only wish that I could spend time in the presence of such an idea-making machine, because I think it would help me to think differently about the world. On the other hand, I've had some bad experiences in my life with adults, and the idea of marrying one fills me with a slight sense of dread. Also, I'm simply not as attracted to the typical adult physique.

I feel like I have a good deal of self-control, especially over sexual urges (I feel less secure about controlling my emotional desires), so for me, that doesn't seem like it would become an issue. I'd think that just because I'm attracted to young girls doesn't mean that I would be attracted to my own children. Typical guys are attracted to women, but you don't see them chasing their sister or mother (with the exception of Oedipus ). However, from what I've heard, most child sexual abuse is in fact committed by a close relative of the child, so maybe my reasoning doesn't apply here.

In a way, I'd rather not bring someone else into the world, because life for me has been something of a burden.

Sent you a PM.

markspringer100 wrote:I will certainly have a family one day as there's nothing I want more. Although as a gay man the trick of 'loving the mother' may be difficult :p The important factor is loving the child, and how any parent can not love their child is beyond me.

Yes that would complicate things a bit. This point about loving the child is a good thing to bear in mind. Knowing that acting on those desires would be harmful, and being unwilling to intentionally harm someone I love, I could control any desires I might feel, right?

markspringer100 wrote:Ultimately if in doubt, don't. Because like you say you'd be gambling with a child's wellbeing and that will NEVER stack up against your own desires to have a family, no matter how strong they are.

I feel under control, at worst I may be a little creepy at times, but I worry about slipping back into denial. So I guess I'm not ready at this time. I suppose it's like being in love insofar as you just know if your ready to have a family.

I definitely would want to have a discussion with my partner before hand.

markspringer100 wrote:Hope that helps, although you got ages to think about it (unless you are straight/bi and don't use condoms :p in which case, start using condoms :p)

Solid advice. I use condoms. They are a great invention, though not 100% effective. I'm certainly not in any rush.

markspringer100 wrote:I know that whilst I lapse into dirty day dreams and fantasies I will never act on it so I feel comfortable to start a family when I reach that age.

Glad to hear it!

-- Sat Aug 11, 2012 6:40 pm --

AlanCL wrote:I have talked to a few dads that are pedophiles and they seem to be better dads that nons because they know the effect that child sexual abuse could have on there children and some have said that they have felt nothing remotely sexual towards there own children, so perhaps that would happen to you. I have heard various view points from pedophiles that have children and all are different.

Interesting. I worry about it partly because of statistics on offenders, but I wonder how many non-offenders there are out there raising happy families. If there were accurate statistics on that (are there?) would the picture change?