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I'm a Pedophile and I need help

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I'm a Pedophile and I need help

Postby somethinganonymous » Sat Apr 07, 2012 1:33 am

Ever since I was about 15 or 16, I began to notice a distinct attraction to girls as young as 9. As I've grown up the parameters have changed somewhat, and now it's more of a 9-15yr old attraction, and honestly I hate how I feel, I'd love to be normal and have normal sexual views, but I can't seem to turn off the feelings and desires.

It's important to note that I have never touched a child inappropriately, nor have I put myself in an inappropriate situation with a child. Honestly, in person I don't even sense much of an attraction to a child, its when I'm alone that the thoughts creep up on me. It's more about control, power, and oddly...love. It's hard to explain.

It's also important to note that I am a virgin. I'm 27 years old and I'm a virgin. A big part of this, I think, is that I feel like I am completely asexual in person. I have my fantasies, and I masturbate, but when in person with a child or a woman, I feel almost nothing. I have tried so hard to control my thoughts and my feelings, and it's working somewhat, but I think that the control I'm trying to exert over my wants are actually just making me completely numb towards sex and love.

I work 40 hours a week, the rest of my hours are spent at home, happily tucked away in my own world. I don't go out, I don't have friends, I don't have time for anyone but myself. I like this in a way, but I also hate it (abstractly) as I know I could be a good man, I know that I could have friends, I know that I could be happy; but I'm just scared.

I live in constant fear that someone will find out what I'm hiding, they'll finally see me for the horrible person I am, and they'll tell the world and I'll be even more alone than I am now. I hate the thought of my parents finding out what their son has become, what my brother (who has 3 kids of his own) would think of his brother, the pedophile.

I started going to a psychologist two weeks ago, as I have severe anxiety and am extremely overactive (ADHD, never took meds as I have always had a problem with the medications they give for ADHD). I want to know if I can bring up any of these things to him without there being any repercussions. I know they are supposed to keep everything confidential, but I work at a Health Clinic, and we do offer pediatric services, so I don't know if that would be considered "endangering a child" if he didn't tell. I work on the Admin side of things and have almost no contact with any patients.

Anyways, I know at some point people should know, I'm just not ready to tell them yet. I like my psychologist and would tell him everything, but I just don't know how to broach the subject. Also, I'd love to be in a healthy relationship some day, and I'd love to think that at some point maybe I'd be a good dad, but for now I'd just settle for stopping what I'm doing and having rational and logical ideas and fantasies.
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Re: I'm a Pedophile and I need help

Postby janjones » Sat Apr 07, 2012 12:21 pm

That’s a tough situation, but I think you are on the right track. The most important thing is that you have never touched a child inappropriately. Good for you! You also state that you do not put yourself in an inappropriate situation with a child and don't even sense much of an attraction to a child in person. That’s all very good. You seem in control while still acknowledging the problem and having a desire to fix it. It’s what you do in life that really matters, not the thoughts in your head that you never act on.

I understand your concerns about losing your job. It will not help your situation to be unemployed. It doesn’t seem that you are a danger to children at the current time. Your feelings are not getting stronger over time, so, assuming they don’t, there is no hurry to tell your psychologist. You have only been seeing him for 2 weeks. You say you like him and would tell him anything which is great. Hopefully, you will get even more comfortable with him over time and you’ll naturally gain greater clarity about how to approach the topic.

Also, I think you did an excellent job expressing yourself clearly and honestly in your post. When speaking with your psychologist, you obviously don’t have to jump in with both feet and say ‘I’m a pedophile’ like you did in your subject line here. Just mentioning the fact that you are a 27 y.o. virgin should get the ball rolling in the direction of your sexual thoughts.

Good luck to you.
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Re: I'm a Pedophile and I need help

Postby FreeSpeech8 » Sat Apr 07, 2012 3:30 pm

Hi somethinganonymous. If you get along well with your therapist maybe you should approach the subject in a perfectly safe manner. Start by casually talking with him about different sexual orientations, then mention a few fetishes on which you'd like to hear his opinion. Then maybe mention pedophiles in a completely neutral manner and see how he reacts. Even if for some incomprehensible reason he'd guess you are a pedophile due to your inquiries he could never prove it. If he asked if you were one you could always play defensive and say no.

If his opinions on pedophiles are mature and rational (as his profession should require) then consider telling him you are a pedophile. However, if you sense hatred or disgust in his voice when he talks about pedophiles don't tell him.

This is such a powerful subject that you have to be 100% certain telling this won't worsen the situation. I hate how people in need of help have to be so cautious and fearful of getting it... I've heard too many horror stories about pedophiles revealing their sexual preference to their therapist to take this issue seriously and maybe be a bit paranoid about it.
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Re: I'm a Pedophile and I need help

Postby Half a Person » Sun Apr 08, 2012 6:53 am

Hey there!

I just want to echo what FreeSpeech8 wrote. There are way too many horror stories out there about a patient confessing his pedophilia to his therapist, and then the therapist's reacting in a negative manner. You should definitely ease into the conversation and judge whether it would be a good idea to mention it. I think FreeSpeech8 has a sound method: talking about fetishes and paraphilias in general, then casually asking about pedophilia. Even if he becomes suspicious that you're a pedophile, you can always deny it.

Good luck!
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Re: I'm a Pedophile and I need help

Postby LivingSoul » Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:24 am

I'm an elementary school teacher and I talk quite openly about my political positions and also about my thoughts and feelings. Much depends on how we present your thoughts and feelings to others. If I present myself as dangerous, out of control, and sick, people are going to pick up on that suggestion. On the otherhand, if I present myself as deeply caring, deeply in love with kids, in awe at the beauty and sincerity of little girls, and very well educated and informed about children's issues, people will tend to run with that. I'd generally avoid the P word too...
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Re: I'm a Pedophile and I need help

Postby Jeff Smith » Sat Nov 03, 2012 10:57 am

I found your post through Google and I would be very intereseted to hear how things have progressed, or not progressed since you posted this in April. I'm in a very similar situation (I'm 28) and I know it can be very hard to find help.
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Re: I'm a Pedophile and I need help

Postby lucasjohn » Sun May 05, 2013 10:53 pm

I'm also wondering if the OP or anyone still checks this thread. I'd be curious to see how things are going. Send me a PM if you're reading this, would love to chat.
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