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I'm attracted to this girl.....

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I'm attracted to this girl.....

Postby FuzzyBeasley99 » Sun Jan 15, 2012 12:19 am

Hey people! I've got issues and I would like some help. Before I start, I'd like to mention that if you're just going to flame me and say things along the lines of "LOL, gtfo", then please, just press the "back" button and carry on with your day.


About Me

I'm a 17 year old male. I have had no real sexual encounters with anyone during my childhood. I am a bit shy, but I don't think I'm at the point of having social anxiety. I just can't seem to find the strength to start a conversation with people I don't know well (I can carry on a conversation just fine). I don't really talk to girls though (I get nervous when I talk to them); almost all of my friends are guys, except for a couple of girls that I actually consider friends.


The Situation

Every Sunday morning, I volunteer as a teacher's assistant in a classroom with JK students (4 year olds) at my local church. I started volunteering in October of 2011. At first, I didn't really have a favourite student, but then as time passed I started to notice this little girl.

She's just so cute and adorable! And it's not just because she looks really cute, it's also the way she talks, the way she acts, like.....she's just soooo adorable! I'm a very laid back person (never stressed), and she's just like a little version of me. She never really pays attention, always asks questions and is kinda dumb (LOL, she's just developing a little slower than her classmates; examples: she has trouble using scissors to cut things when we do arts and crafts, she almost never finishes anything because she is always distracted by everything around her). Basically, she's just soooo cute!

I think it's generally agreed that it's okay to think little kids are cute, but when you start having feelings for little kids, that's where trouble starts. I started getting feelings for her after a few months of volunteering (a couple weeks ago). This feeling is slightly different than the feeling you get when you have feelings for a girl (like a "proper" girl that you want), and I'm not sure how to describe it. Like, after every class, I just can't wait till next week to be able to work with her again. Sometimes, I get to see her parents when they come and pick her up, and I think about how lucky her parents are to have such a wonderful daughter.


Why do I get feelings like this? Why am I so messed up?
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Re: I'm attracted to this girl.....

Postby Borgesius » Sun Jan 15, 2012 5:04 pm

haha I wouldn't worry too much about folks trolling you around these parts, seems pretty quiet from what I've seen of it.

I guess a big question is, do you typically like girls (or for that matter boys) your own age? If so, I wouldn't worry too much about this. It gets more complicated if you're more into children than adults.

Otherwise, I'd say this is probably a pretty common occurrence, more common than people like to think. Unless you start to feel like you'll have trouble controlling yourself, I'd advise you just to enjoy your time with this girl and not worry too much about it. Crushes are hard to deal with generally, and its compounded when you have one for a kid. Just try and be friends and have fun :)

As to why this happens... nobody's quite sure. It's not clear that there's even a *reason* per se, or that the question is particularly meaningful in the first place. It just kinda... happens. The problem is that most people aren't aware that it can happen to 'normal' people, and child care providers are generally unwilling to address it right off the bat - that when you're working with kids, sometimes you develop feelings for them. And I know personally how scary it is, but try not to worry about it and enjoy the time you have together :p
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Re: I'm attracted to this girl.....

Postby FuzzyBeasley99 » Sun Jan 15, 2012 6:02 pm

Thanks for the response Borgesius! No, I'm not gay, I've never ever liked guys in that way before. I've always liked girls around my age, except for this one incident. Honestly, I feel like I should just stop volunteering because every Sunday I see her and she's always being silly and being the adorable little person that she is, so I can't really get these feelings to go away because after every Sunday these feelings are strong again (these feelings slowly disappear during the week, but it never goes away because on Sundays it gets charged again LOL).
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Re: I'm attracted to this girl.....

Postby Brumble » Sun Jan 15, 2012 6:18 pm

    Hi FuzzyBeasley99. Eh I just saw \ seen this post \ thread what ever there called on the front page or some where, but I wanted to reply. What help's me is just making sure i'm never alone with who ever it is I have those feelings for, like just make sure another adult is around thats what I do, it really does help calm any anxiety just knowing some one else is there and not being alone with the kid, if you cant have an adult around just make sure other kids are around, you know what i mean it just helps. I dunno why people with these issues are soo demonized, besides ignorance. Take care. ^_^
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Re: I'm attracted to this girl.....

Postby FuzzyBeasley99 » Sun Jan 15, 2012 9:40 pm

Jason Raub wrote:
    Hi FuzzyBeasley99. Eh I just saw \ seen this post \ thread what ever there called on the front page or some where, but I wanted to reply. What help's me is just making sure i'm never alone with who ever it is I have those feelings for, like just make sure another adult is around thats what I do, it really does help calm any anxiety just knowing some one else is there and not being alone with the kid, if you cant have an adult around just make sure other kids are around, you know what i mean it just helps. I dunno why people with these issues are soo demonized, besides ignorance. Take care. ^_^


Oh umm.......I'm not sexually attracted to her (actually, this never even crossed my mind until just now). There's like 30 people in the room at any given time anyways, so yeah......
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Re: I'm attracted to this girl.....

Postby Brumble » Sun Jan 15, 2012 11:40 pm

FuzzyBeasley99 wrote:Oh umm.......I'm not sexually attracted to her (actually, this never even crossed my mind until just now). There's like 30 people in the room at any given time anyways, so yeah......
    Paraphilia (in Greek para παρά = beside and -philia φιλία = friendship, meaning love) is a biomedical term used to describe sexual arousal to objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of normative stimulation and that maycause distress or serious problems for the paraphiliac or persons associated with him or her. - wikipedia
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Re: I'm attracted to this girl.....

Postby Borgesius » Mon Jan 16, 2012 2:37 am

FuzzyBeasley99 wrote:Oh umm.......I'm not sexually attracted to her (actually, this never even crossed my mind until just now). There's like 30 people in the room at any given time anyways, so yeah......


Oh wow, uh, you really just think she's cute? Sorry there's lots of pedophiles around here (*cough cough*) so when you say 'I'm attracted to this 4 year old' I kinda think, you're attracted to that 4 year old. lmao. I'm not even sure I understand what the problem is then, it seems like you enjoy this child's company and like spending time around her. Is that weird? Cause if it is then I've got even more $#%^ to be baselessly ashamed of than I thought...

Sorry, I don't mean to be a dick, I'm literally not seeing what's so alarming.
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Re: I'm attracted to this girl.....

Postby FuzzyBeasley99 » Mon Jan 16, 2012 5:11 am

Yea, I have absolutely no sexual desires for this girl. BUT, I know I'm still a messed up kid because I have feelings for her. These feelings are really strong after each class, but then they slowly fade away until the next class. After that class, these feelings are strong again and I just keep thinking about her, like a never ending cycle. Like, honestly I think about her every day (not like every single second, but it crosses my mind at least once or twice a day and I just can't wait until next Sunday), so I mean, this is just weird and abnormal. I don't know bout you but I still got issues.
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Re: I'm attracted to this girl.....

Postby handsupforglory » Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:07 pm

Hello, i'm new here and i just wanna say that i think that those feelings are more than normal. I have a friend who babysits another family's children who also attend my church. She and i have watched these kids on weekends many times, she thinks of one of the girls like one of her own children while i (figured i'd blurt it out while i was here) find one of the older girls, who just turned six, sexually attractive. I would outright refuse to watch this girl if i were alone in fear of what i'd do. My point is, if you don't, exuse me for being so blunt, want to have intercourse with her, the feelings are just standard human emotions.
Don't be afraid to embrace those feelings as you may become a strong mentor for this child.
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Re: I'm attracted to this girl.....

Postby LivingSoul » Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:45 am

FuzzyBeasley99 wrote:I think it's generally agreed that it's okay to think little kids are cute, but when you start having feelings for little kids, that's where trouble starts.

Sounds to me like you're not willing to recognize her humanity. You're trying to write her off as just a cute face like she's a puppy dog or something: she's a living breathing human, of course you're going to have feeling for her after spending so much wonderful time together -- and she has feelings too!
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