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Having Very Strong Feelings For A Little Girl

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Having Very Strong Feelings For A Little Girl

Postby WIldHorse03 » Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:25 am

I'm in love with my 7 year old cousin. I don't mean just a sexual attraction either, I'm actually falling in love with her. I only get to see her a handful of times a year so I miss her a lot and cant stop thinking about her. Not to mention I dream about her at least once a week(nothing sexual). She's incredibly sweet, gorgeous, well mannered, smart, and very very mature for her age. Last time I had to leave her she looked at me with those doe eyes and asked me to pick her up so she could "just give me a hug" but when I did she looked me straight in the eye while tearing up, gave me a kiss on the lips then wrapped her arms around my neck while starting to softly cry and wouldn't let go. That was the single most adorable and heart breaking moment of my life and I can't stop thinking about it. She kinda acts physical towards me sometimes and it makes me wonder if she has a crush on me or what in the world she's doing or thinking. I remember having a crush on my older female cousin when I was around her age so I dont know if thats what it is. Yes granted I didn't understand sex then but I knew that there was some kind of physical relationship between boys and girls and wanted to explore that with her, like seeing her naked etc. My little cousin wants me to be in the room with her when she changes(her mom told her she needed to do that in private one time and she through a fit and slammed her bedroom door.) She'll bend over and arch her back to stick her butt out so I run into it with my crotch when she's walking in front of me then giggles, runs ahead a bit and does it again. And even one night when I was laying with her I noticed she had her hand in her underwear rubbing herself. Is all that normal for little girls to do around older men? I know some of them will rub themselves at night but when I asked her "if she had an itch or what"(I honestly didn't think about what she was doing until right after) she got shy, smiled and said I cant tell you and stopped. What is she doing?!?. Whenever I'm not with her I have sexual thoughts about her like teaching her how to masturbate properly and letting her see my privates and touching them etc but I would never in my life ever touch her or do anything that she wouldn't like or want in anyway. Especially actual intercourse even if she wanted it b/c of the guilt I know I would feel after. But I'm afraid if she ever invites me like asking to see my privates or whatever that I would give in to what she was asking to do. However when I'm there with her, it's usually the last thing on my mind, although I do think about it. I have suicidal thoughts due to realizing that I'll never be able to have a relationship with her(or other little girls) and never being accepted for what I think I really am and wanting what I think I really want. The only thing stopping me from actually killing myself is the thought of the psychological damage I would cause my immediate family (especially my mom who would probably be the one to find me) and the fact that I know my little cousin loves me and would never want me to do that. I need help :(
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Re: Having Very Strong Feelings For A Little Girl

Postby Partridge » Mon Sep 12, 2011 2:14 pm

Hi there and welcome. I recently found myself falling for a girl of 11, although she is already two years into puberty. I'd be wary about interpreting things as sexual. It's possible that her touching herself is a sign of childhood sexuality, but that doesn't mean you should take that as a green light to fulfil your desires. It's also possible it's a sign that she's been exposed to sexual influences (seen some age-inappropriate material or been exposed to abuse), but from memory of my own childhood, siblings and friends, children touching themselves is perfectly normal at around that age. (And because it's normal, that adds weight to the argument not to interpret it as a sign of willingness to engage in anything sexual with her.) If you love her you won't do anything that might hurt her, and will just enjoy the fact that she's part of your life. I'm worried about you saying you have suicidal thoughts. You'll find some very sympathetic people here, so feel free to vent and we'll listen and support.
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Re: Having Very Strong Feelings For A Little Girl

Postby somnaped » Mon Sep 12, 2011 5:02 pm

WildHorse03, you can't imagine the level of sympathy I feel for you. I'd give you a hug if I could. I, too, have been in love with a little girl. Two, in fact. When I was young, I fell in love with a 3 year old, and then later in my life, a 10 year old. I've always found this love harder for me to deal with than the sexual attraction, which I'm sure many would find very strange. It's easy to dissociate yourself from sexual attraction, but love is so much stronger and more pervasive.

When she masturbates in front of you, wanting you to watch her change, etc... immediately discourage her from doing so in simple but firm way. Don't make her feel any shame or make any kind of a big deal about it, but let her know that such things are inappropriate behavior. Immediately change the subject afterward or otherwise divert her attention. Don't think about it at all either while you're still around her. This is for the best... grown men and little girls can not be together in this way, and she can't be receiving mixed signals from you for her sake.

The fact that she's acting in this manner for you must make it incredibly difficult to deal with. If you can handle the intense feelings you have while you're around her, do everything you can to enrich her life in a completely platonic way. Use your love to become a wonderful male role model for her. Play with her, take her to the movies, help her with her homework. If you can use these feelings to improve her life, I say go for it.

If this is too difficult for you to handle, I recommend you distance yourself from her. If you do, these feelings will eventually go away, but it will be very hard to deal with for awhile. If in doubt, distance yourself from her. You love her, and I'm sure wouldn't want to cause her any direct or indirect confusion or anguish.

Whatever you do, don't kill yourself. We have been dealt a rough hand in this life, but we can overcome the confusion, pain, guilt, and heartache that we all experience when we fall in love with a little girl. I am living proof of that. I felt exactly the same way you did when I was younger, but I had a great support system and have gone on to live a perfectly normal, happy, and fulfilling life. You will get past this, I believe in you.
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Re: Having Very Strong Feelings For A Little Girl

Postby Blben » Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:10 pm

That is one of the hardest things for me as a pedophile is having a crush on a child. Its rather a lonely feeling when you are attracted to children and can't express how you really feel towards them even if its simply just hugging them and kissing them. You may not even be a pedophile and have these feelings. You want to care for them so much, yet you have to stay away to avoid doing anything that you will regret.
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Re: Having Very Strong Feelings For A Little Girl

Postby WIldHorse03 » Mon Sep 19, 2011 1:02 am

What confuses me is that whenever I'm with her sexual feelings are the LAST thing on my mind. When she was asleep next to me once I thought "I could probably touch her and not wake her up" but I just didn't care to and was like why what's the point? I honestly didn't care. But then when I go sleep in my bed or come home away from her I have fantasies about that stuff(WHY?!?) So in a weird way I think being with her is actually better for me. I don't know what it is but I'm happier around little girls more than with anyone else. And whenever I'm at a store or something and see an adorable little girl I cant help but smile and want to watch them. They're honest and always happy(usually and when they're not it's EASILY fixable), they haven't been exposed to the world and asshole people so they always accept you for who you are, and are generally easy to please. Not to mention the fact that when they laugh, smile, or give me those doe eyes it melts my heart and I love that. Whenever I'm with them, it's like nothing else in the world matters. I'm not thinking about being an adult and all the BS we have to deal with like paying bills, going to work everyday for that asshole of a boss etc. I'm just there for them and making them happy means everything to me. But then when I have to leave and come back to my life it sucks. I get depressed when I'm bored and I'm always thinking about how much I miss them and wishing I could be with them or at least be close enough that I could visit at least once a week. I want to be able to tell my cousin how much I love her and think about her when I'm gone. Like ask her "how much do you love me, show me with your arms" and then when she holds her arms out do mine and say "see I love you this much more and think about you everyday. I even dream about seeing you a lot" Do you think that's detrimental or harmful in any way?

By the way, thanks for you support everyone.*accepts hug from somnaped* The reason I came here was to be able to talk about these feelings since I don't trust anyone in my life with my feelings. I'm thinking about seeking professional help but feel that I cant ask due to not having my own income at the moment and I don't want to ask my parents to pay for therapy(just because I don't want to be a financial burden to them and also for fear of them finding out why I need help) I also am afraid that the psychologist will make me feel like I'm a bad person for being this way and that having genuine feelings for a child is evil and that they can "fix" me. Kind of like those "we can fix being gay" places. I want someone who understands that being this way is ok but help me deal with my feelings and self control.
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Re: Having Very Strong Feelings For A Little Girl

Postby Alevi » Thu Sep 22, 2011 11:48 am

WIldHorse03 wrote:I want someone who understands that being this way is ok but help me deal with my feelings and self control.


I think that you need to accept something too, and that is that you should set limits for what is acceptable behaviour on her part.

And communicate those limits, so that she can understand them and can accept that she shouldn't behave in ways which will make you misunderstand.
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Re: Having Very Strong Feelings For A Little Girl

Postby GinaSmith » Thu Sep 22, 2011 1:13 pm

Alevi wrote:
WIldHorse03 wrote:I want someone who understands that being this way is ok but help me deal with my feelings and self control.


I think that you need to accept something too, and that is that you should set limits for what is acceptable behaviour on her part.

And communicate those limits, so that she can understand them and can accept that she shouldn't behave in ways which will make you misunderstand.


I second that, but of course it should be done without making her feel like she's done something wrong. We shouldn't give children a complex for something they don't understand, something that is after all our 'issue'. It's possible to plant a tremendous degree of guilt in children's minds that may be damaging - which is, of course, abuse in itself. Not saying you would, and I know Alevi would attach this caveat as well.
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Re: Having Very Strong Feelings For A Little Girl

Postby Alevi » Thu Sep 22, 2011 7:46 pm

Thinking a bit further about this, it occurs to me that the issue here is primarily that you are confused and I am sorry to say, not mature enough to handle having inappropriate or conflicting feelings.

Ideally, you would be able to accept yourself and your own feelings, without letting that prevent you from communicating what borders must be enforced in a given relationship.
But, it seems you are confused, and that this little girl picks up on that and reacts by testing your borders to try and figure out what they are and how you think and feel, by seeing how you react.
Kids are experimental like that, they enjoy testing things to try and make sense of the world, without there necessarily being any kind of deeper or more involved motivation other than: "He acts funny when I do that, let me do it some more and see what happens and what he says".

So again, you have to establish some proper limits.
For example, when she bends over in preparation for you to bump into her butt, simply tell her that it embarrasses you and you would like her to stop doing that because it's kind of like getting old. Or something, use your own words and be clear. Kids both need and appreciate instructions.

Now of course we guys here accept you and your feelings, that quite goes without saying - IMHO same as being gentle with her when you tell her not to masturbate in your presence - but you really do need to act the adult that you are, because if you don't, you risk causing her to act in a way that in turn makes you totally misinterpret her body-language and non-verbal communication.

I think this part is extremely important for you to understand if you are going to have a safe, stable, and constructive relationship with her: If you expect, or want, or accept, her behaving in a way that excites or stimulates you, then there is a real risk of her picking up on that and acting accordingly.

So you need to sort out whatever your confusion about your attraction is, what its limits are, how you are going to handle it and so on.

We'll be here for you and willing to listen if you wish to expand upon that (but could you please use some more paragraphs because the wall-O'-text kind of makes my eyes glaze over).
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