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Sexually attracted to my dad

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Sexually attracted to my dad

Postby lilipad » Tue Jun 07, 2011 4:11 pm

I'm a teenage girl, and I've been closer to my dad than most girls for as long as I can remember. My mum passed away when I was 2 so its just been us two since then. We've always spent more time together and have a much closer relationship than most girls. When I was 12 I started feeling more than mere daughterly love and now I've come to accept than I'm full on sexually attracted to him. I realise that nothing could or would ever come of this, not only because he would never do anything sexual to me, but I wouldn't want to because I know that in the long term it would ruin our special relationship, and I value that over anything else in the world.

This is bothering me because I just can't stop thinking about him sexually. We used to sleep in the same bed (we don't anymore because he feels I'm too old for this now) and I would rub my body against him, I've also watched him in the shower and whenever we're in close physical contact for a period of time (like snuggled up watching TV on the couch or in bed) I get aroused and have to leave as I fear he may notice a damp spot, sometimes I leave simply because I'm so horny I have to masturbate. More than once I've gone into his room whilst he's sleeping and pulled off the covers to have a look.. and the occasional feel. I've been tempted to 'taste' as well but have managed to stop myself. Either way acting on this is a horrible idea.

I love him (in an inappropriate way) for the same reasons anybody would normally love their partner. He's an amazing guy, the sweetest I know. Not to mention he's gorgeous (those abs *drool*) and well... let's just say certain body parts are disproportionately large. But I also love him in a daughterly way and that's what's important. I can't act on this because it would ruin that relationship if he reciprocated my feelings (which I do not think he would) and make things really awkward between us if he did not.

How can I manage this? Do you think it's just a phase? Whyyyy oh why do I feel like this :(
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Re: Sexually attracted to my dad

Postby GinaSmith » Tue Jun 07, 2011 8:50 pm

Hi Lilipad,

Sorry to hear you're experiencing some turmoil. For what it's worth I think you've expressed some very mature insights. Your relationship with your dad is, in a non-sexual sense, already very intimate and you should relish the fact that you are the most important person in his life. I suspect he will love you unconditionally, but that's not an invitation to open up to him or come onto him. At the end of the day, I suspect this will pass in time. It's hard to say how long that will take, but don't forget your father-daughter relationship with him will outlast this.

Don't feel guilty. This forum is full of people feeling guilty about their sexual attractions. You can't be reproached for your feelings, but you can be mature about how you act on them.

I think you'll be just fine in the long run. Is the rest of your life OK? At times like these maybe trying to focus on other aspects of your life would help.

It would help to know how old you are of course. I'm giving very general advice, but in reality advice should differ significantly depending on whether you're 13, 15 or 19.

Best of luck! :)
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Re: Sexually attracted to my dad

Postby lilipad » Tue Jun 07, 2011 9:57 pm

GinaSmith wrote:Hi Lilipad,

Sorry to hear you're experiencing some turmoil. For what it's worth I think you've expressed some very mature insights. Your relationship with your dad is, in a non-sexual sense, already very intimate and you should relish the fact that you are the most important person in his life. I suspect he will love you unconditionally, but that's not an invitation to open up to him or come onto him. At the end of the day, I suspect this will pass in time. It's hard to say how long that will take, but don't forget your father-daughter relationship with him will outlast this.

Don't feel guilty. This forum is full of people feeling guilty about their sexual attractions. You can't be reproached for your feelings, but you can be mature about how you act on them.

I think you'll be just fine in the long run. Is the rest of your life OK? At times like these maybe trying to focus on other aspects of your life would help.

It would help to know how old you are of course. I'm giving very general advice, but in reality advice should differ significantly depending on whether you're 13, 15 or 19.

Best of luck! :)

I originally had my age in the post but it was changed to "teenage" by a moderator so I'm guessing I'm not allowed to say :S
Edit: Yeah I got a message from a moderator, I can't tell you my age :\ I'm young, in the lower half of my teen years :)
I really hope it passes. Yes, the rest of my life is okay. I guess I could try to focus on school or my social life or something :)
To add to the OP: I've also never been interested in anybody else. I've never had crushes or relationships whereas all my friends have, they think I'm weird and have even jokingly accused me of being a lesbian for never showing any interest in boys.
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Re: Sexually attracted to my dad

Postby Platypus » Wed Jun 08, 2011 5:13 am

Welcome Lilipad,

It must've been hard growing-up without your mum. :(

How did your dad respond when you used to rub your body against him in bed? I think he should have told you to stop and explained that it was inappropriate behaviour.

You say "acting on this is a horrible idea", and yet you say you are pulling the covers off him and occasionally feeling him. You are already acting on your attraction, and you need to stop.

I am worried that you father is allowing and encouraging your attraction to him. This is really unhealthy for you.

I really think you need to talk to a therapist about this. Is there somebody you can talk to? Do you have a school counsellor you can see?
No diagnosis, lots of opinions, and a bunch of issues that I haven't quite figured out.
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Re: Sexually attracted to my dad

Postby Alevi » Wed Jun 08, 2011 6:59 am

lilipad wrote:To add to the OP: I've also never been interested in anybody else. I've never had crushes or relationships whereas all my friends have, they think I'm weird and have even jokingly accused me of being a lesbian for never showing any interest in boys.


Lol, well, I don't know what kind of advice would help you, given that I've never been a teenage girl.

What I am imagining, though, is that maybe trying to redirect your sexual attraction would help?
There's probably a sports team or such in connection with your school, perhaps you could go watch them play a game or two?
I don't know, I'm just thinking maybe you would be surprised at enjoying looking at them.

Also your dad hasn't given you permission to neither look nor feel, so you shouldn't do that.
I'm not angry, and I don't mean to chastise you, but given that you have admitted that you recognize that that is wrong, I think it would be best for your own self-image that you stopped.

Overall though, I think this is probably just a phase.
And that it will pass.
Don't worry too much, having been teens, everybody has experienced being horny as hell, so this too will come to pass.
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Re: Sexually attracted to my dad

Postby lilipad » Wed Jun 08, 2011 9:06 am

Platypus wrote:Welcome Lilipad,

It must've been hard growing-up without your mum. :(

How did your dad respond when you used to rub your body against him in bed? I think he should have told you to stop and explained that it was inappropriate behaviour.

He was asleep when I did that so he wasn't aware I was doing it.

You say "acting on this is a horrible idea", and yet you say you are pulling the covers off him and occasionally feeling him. You are already acting on your attraction, and you need to stop.

Yeah I know, I will.
I am worried that you father is allowing and encouraging your attraction to him. This is really unhealthy for you.

I really think you need to talk to a therapist about this. Is there somebody you can talk to? Do you have a school counsellor you can see?

He has never been awake when I've done anything inappropriate with him. He's certainly not encouraging or allowing it.
I don't know if I have a school counsellor, I'll try to find out.
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Re: Sexually attracted to my dad

Postby GinaSmith » Wed Jun 08, 2011 9:53 am

lilipad wrote:
Platypus wrote:Welcome Lilipad,

It must've been hard growing-up without your mum. :(

How did your dad respond when you used to rub your body against him in bed? I think he should have told you to stop and explained that it was inappropriate behaviour.

He was asleep when I did that so he wasn't aware I was doing it.


It's hard to conceive of a situation in which a man would not be aware of being touched in this way, even if asleep. I would wake up if someone pulled back the covers and touched me.

In any case, I mentioned that my advice would change depending on your age. If you'd been of legal age (which may be the case, depending on the country you live in) I'd say get out there and get laid. There's no better way to take your mind off someone else than a good old-fashioned dose of bump in the night. But if you're not of legal age, I'd go with Alevi's suggestion. Make some more male friends and hang around with them, or hang around with existing male friends. Chemistry is spontaneous - your hormones are obviously in full flow, so it's unlikely you won't start to find yourself attracted to other boys if you're more exposed to them.
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Re: Sexually attracted to my dad

Postby colepath » Wed Jun 08, 2011 11:37 am

I think its all due to harmon changes, You must have any boyfriend. And don't think bad for your father to save your relation because he might not think same for you.
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Re: Sexually attracted to my dad

Postby Alevi » Wed Jun 08, 2011 1:29 pm

lilipad wrote:We used to sleep in the same bed...


This is the one thing (apart from 'taste') that dings like a hammer on my troll-"dar".

Whereabouts in the world do little girls sleep together with their daddies?
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Re: Sexually attracted to my dad

Postby lilipad » Mon Jun 13, 2011 7:55 pm

I've been hanging out with other boys more, it seems to have helped, although I'm usually attracted to older men I've actually found myself interested in some of them. The only problem is their hormones are going crazy too, I don't really appreciate some of their comments and advances >.< But oh well.
Thanks for the help :) Could always use more advice if anyone has any to give.

Yeah, it's weird that I slept with him, it's also weird that I'm attracted to him, it's also weird that some people are attracted to children, fire etc.
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