Our partner

Article "Profile Of A Pedophile" on this site

Paraphilias message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: WichitaLineman

Forum rules
You are entering a forum that contains discussions of a sexual nature, some of which are explicit. The topics discussed may be offensive to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum.

This forum is intended to be a place where people can support each other in finding healing and healthy ways of functioning. Discussions that promote illegal activity will not be tolerated. Please note that this forum is moderated, and people who are found to be using this forum for inappropriate purposes will be banned. Psychforums works hard to ensure that this forum is law abiding. Moderators will report evidence of illegal activity to the police.

Article "Profile Of A Pedophile" on this site

Postby Jarno » Thu May 20, 2004 6:29 pm

The information in the article Profile Of A Pedophile, at http://www.mental-health-matters.com/ar ... ?artID=273 , contains quite a lot of mistakes.


Some of the characteristics of a pedophile mentioned, with my own comments beneath them:


- Often dates or marries women with children that are the age of his preferred victims.

Comment: Why speak about victims? In the same way a heterophile doesn't necessarily make victims, a pedophile doesn't either.

- Rarely forces or coerces a child into sexual contact. Usually through trust and friendship. Physical contact is gradual, from touching, to picking up, to holding on lap, to kissing, etc.

Comment: This suggests that it's all about physical contact. This is not true.

- Are primarily (but not always) male, masculine, better-educated, more religious than average, __in their thirties__, and choose jobs allowing them greater access to children.

Comment: No one does _become_ a pedophile, you are born as such or you're not. So, a pedophile can never be characterized by his age. Someone aged 15 can be a pedophile, someone aged 40 can be a pedophile. There's no age group among whose are the most pedophiles.

- Are usually family men, have no criminal record, and deny that they abuse children, even after caught, convicted, incarcerated, and court-ordered into a sex offender program. The marriage is often troubled by sexual dysfunction, and serves as a smokescreen for the pedophile's true preferences and practices.

Comment: This is all lies. Pedophilia is about love towards children, not about sex. Most pedophiles _never_ have sexual interaction with a child. Also, most pedophiles do not marry.

- A female pedophile usually abuses a child when partnered with an adult male pedophile, and is often herself a victim of chronic sexual abuse.

Comment: A female pedophile does usually not abuse children. Neither does a male pedophile.

- A pedophile can act independently, [...]

Comment: The average pedophile does _not_ act like a child molester.

- A pedophile will not stop on his own, and will not turn himself in, because he does not take responsibility for his behavior and denies that he's doing anything harmful. He will abuse until he's caught.

Comment: A pedophile does not abuse.


Alltogether, the main point of this article is that a pedophile is someone that has sex with children. That's not true. A pedophile is someone that falls in love with children, just the way you fall in love with an adult woman or man. This article is meant as informative, and therefore should be objective.
Jarno
 


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Article "Profile Of A Pedophile" on this site

Postby TheLonelyStranger » Fri May 21, 2004 6:46 am

I could be mistaken, but I thought the criteria for a diagnosis of pedophillia (sp) is they have sex with children. They must reach a certain age for this to apply or if a teen ager then they must have sex with children under a certain age. I don't recall the word love any where associated with the diagnosis but sex was the key word?

If I'm wrong, I'd love to hear it.
The Lonely Stranger
And all I lov'd -- I lov'd alone.

Crisis # 1-800-784-2433
TheLonelyStranger
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 114
Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2003 10:19 pm
Local time: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:04 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby taran » Fri May 21, 2004 7:22 am

Great. Pretty soon they'll say that "having sex with children" is their sexual orientation. Then they'll demand special rights, like access.

Not good.

Pedophilia = a perversion. Pedophiles need extensive psychological help. And jail time if applicable.

Pedophiles are not born. They are made. A few survivors of childhood sexual abuse go on to become adult sexual abusers themselves. And then the cycle continues. Every pedophile was himself abused as a child, though he may deny that it was "abuse."
taran
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 33
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 12:57 am
Local time: Thu Aug 28, 2014 7:04 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby Jarno » Fri May 21, 2004 9:26 pm

taran wrote:Great. Pretty soon they'll say that "having sex with children" is their sexual orientation. Then they'll demand special rights, like access.

Not good.

Pedophilia = a perversion. Pedophiles need extensive psychological help. And jail time if applicable.

Pedophiles are not born. They are made. A few survivors of childhood sexual abuse go on to become adult sexual abusers themselves. And then the cycle continues. Every pedophile was himself abused as a child, though he may deny that it was "abuse."


If you replace every word 'pedophila' in your text with the word 'child abuse' I totally agree with you.

Sex with children = a perversion. Child abusers need extensive psychological help. And jail time if applicable.

Child abusers are not born. They are made. A few survivors of childhood sexual abuse go on to become adult sexual abusers themselves. And then the cycle continues. Every child abuser was himself abused as a child, though he may deny that it was "abuse."


TheLonelyStranger wrote:I could be mistaken, but I thought the criteria for a diagnosis of pedophillia (sp) is they have sex with children. They must reach a certain age for this to apply or if a teen ager then they must have sex with children under a certain age. I don't recall the word love any where associated with the diagnosis but sex was the key word?

If I'm wrong, I'd love to hear it.


You are wrong. Being a pedophile means falling in love with children. If someone abuses a child, it could be a pedophile, but it's not very likely. Having sex with children is something very different.

Imagine, a boy aged about 12, has some attraction towards other boys about his age. When he grows older, this attraction remains the same. He's about 16 now, and discovers that he really falls in love with boys... but still of that age. He grows older, but the age of the boys he likes remains the same.

Now, I'll tell you, that describes me. I'm 18 years old now, and are attracted to boys aged 4-14. This does - of course - not mean that I would abuse any child. I love them, so should I want to hurt them? Of course not! When I see a boy, all I feel is endearment, respect, and love. So beautiful, so vulnerable, all I want is to protect him, to be friends with him, to make him happy...

Now that's quite different from having sex with children, isn't it? And still I am a pedophile.
Jarno
 

Postby seanetal » Fri May 21, 2004 10:53 pm

Jarno,

As you know I run the website where the article is located. I am not the author of said article and as such have no authority to change it. If you would like me to put you in contact with the author directly please email at seanb@getmentalhelp.com.

You may not know that I am an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I am telling you this because I may be biased despite my attempts otherwise.

The definition of the word Pedophilia is as follows:

American Psychiatric Association:
"recurrent, intense, sexual urges and sexual arousing fantasies of at least six months duration involving sexual activity with a pre-pubescent child."

American Heritage Dictionary:
"The act or fantasy on the part of an adult of engaging in sexual activity with a child or children."

WordNet:
"sexual activity of an adult with a child"

WordIQ:
"the primary sexual attraction toward prepubescent children."

This was the most complete definition I ran across and in my opinion the most accurate.

http://www.wordiq.com/definition/Paedophilia

As you can see depending on the source the definition varies. Since pedophilia is anything from a fantasy of sexual activity with a child to sexual acts with children depending on the source, then a pedophile is anything from a person who fantasizes about sexual acts with a child to a someone who actually commits those acts.

Every definition involved sexual fantasy or activity however so your intimation that pedophiles do not have sexual feelings for children is false according to most major dictionaries and sources.

In the extended definition it is indicated that pedophiles themselves refer to themselves as either boylovers or girllovers, emphasizing the emotional connection instead of the sexual one. In my opinion this is done because they feel shame about the sex acts but not about the love. By saying they love the child they can then justify the sex acts in their own minds.

I hope Jarno that if you are a pedophile either in your definition or in the standard definitions I have offered that you get help. Wehether or not you see it the "love" pedophiles have for children is wrong. You yourself admit that sexual acts with children are wrong, I go one step further.

Having any sort of romantic feelings for a child is wrong. Children are incapable of understanding the emotions involved and can be damaged too easily by misguided adults.

I'd also like to highlight one of Taran's comments:

Pedophiles are not born. They are made. A few survivors of childhood sexual abuse go on to become adult sexual abusers themselves. And then the cycle continues. Every pedophile was himself abused as a child, though he may deny that it was "abuse."


http://www.wordiq.com/definition/Child_sexual_abuse

Not all abusers were abused themseleves. The website menstuff.com states that:

"Ironically, only a small percentage of men abused as boys become pedophiles, said Hunter. However, an overwhelming percentage of pedophiles of either gender were sexually abused as children."

The problem is finding statistics that match. I saw numbers ranging from 30% to 80% of pedophiles that were abused as children.
seanetal
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1968
Joined: Fri Nov 01, 2002 2:55 am
Local time: Thu Aug 28, 2014 12:04 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby TheLonelyStranger » Sat May 22, 2004 5:23 pm

Jarno,

I'm pretty sure I'm not wrong and I will get you the criteria in a bit.

Are you a member of the North American Man/Boy Love Association? AKA NAMBLA
Last edited by TheLonelyStranger on Sat May 22, 2004 5:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The Lonely Stranger
And all I lov'd -- I lov'd alone.

Crisis # 1-800-784-2433
TheLonelyStranger
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 114
Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2003 10:19 pm
Local time: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:04 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby TheLonelyStranger » Sat May 22, 2004 5:34 pm

Jarno,

Okay you said I was wrong but you didn't back it up with facts. I'd be interesting in knowing where you got your defination of a pedophile. Here is what the medical profession says and it was exactly as I thought:

Diagnostic criteria for 302.2 Pedophilia
(cautionary statement)
These criteria are obsolete! Current criteria.
A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving sexual activity with a prepubescent child or children (generally age 13 years or younger).

B. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

C. The person is at least age 16 years and at least 5 years older than the child or children in Criterion A.
Note: Do not include an individual in late adolescence involved in an ongoing sexual relationship with a 12- or 13-year-old.

Specify if:

Sexually Attracted to Males
Sexually Attracted to Females
Sexually Attracted to Both

Specify if:

Limited to Incest

Specify type:

Exclusive Type (attracted only to children)
Nonexclusive Type

Reprinted with permission from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth Edition. Copyright 1994 American Psychiatric Association
The Lonely Stranger
And all I lov'd -- I lov'd alone.

Crisis # 1-800-784-2433
TheLonelyStranger
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 114
Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2003 10:19 pm
Local time: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:04 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby taran » Sun May 23, 2004 7:45 am

It is impossible for an adult to "fall in love with a child." A child is not capable of reciprocating emotional bonding and intimacy of that type. To love, you must give yourself to another person. A child is incapable of that.

Even if an adult thinks he has fallen in love with a child, the child has not fallen in love with an adult. The child is manipulated into not resisting. The sexual use of children does horrible damage to them in later life. It is damage that can be mostly repaired, but the scar will always be there. Many or most survivors never get the help they need, and their lives suffer greatly as a result.

It is not okay. If someone is having a "relationship" with a child, first, stop it. Cut off all contact, if possible. Second, seek professional help. Regardless of your past, you need professional counseling. Third, treatment options do exist. Ask the counseler about them.
taran
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 33
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 12:57 am
Local time: Thu Aug 28, 2014 7:04 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby MSBLUE » Mon May 24, 2004 7:29 am

Definition of parahoilias,

Any of a group of psychosexual disorders characterized by sexual fantasies, feelings, or activities involving a nonhuman object, a nonconsenting partner such as a child, or pain or humiliation of oneself or one's partner. Also called sexual deviation.


From my experience as a victim of a pedophile , it is a crime, and I was damaged. As I did not consent. Nor would any child unless coerced, threated, manipulated, as the article suggested in it's wording. Children are trusting, and should not be taken advantage of because of this. Any adult having feelings for children other than a nurturing and loving way, should stay away from children.

There is no normal reason for an adult to have romantic feelings for a child. And all of the content is that website is true from my own experience as a victim of child abuse and coercion from a pedophile. :cry:

I am not moderator in this forum, and wouldn't want to be.
Image
User avatar
MSBLUE
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1807
Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2003 5:19 pm
Local time: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:04 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby TheLonelyStranger » Tue May 25, 2004 3:01 pm

Taren, you are really confusing. :) I'm glad to see you say it's not okay. Of course an adult could fall in love iwth a child or could think they have. I would think an adult that is in love with a child is probably confused about related feelings and what love is. BUt it is impossible to fall in love with someone that does not love you. Seems I've done that. :( But that's a side issue.

Sex is really about acceptance, when someone says yes to sex it's the ultimate in acceptance, it says you're good enough fo rme. I really don't think it is so much about the physical sensations as it is the emtional. We really don't need another person to achieve the physical aspects, at least for most of us. It would seem to me a person that loves children in the way you speak may need to be accepted by children for some reason. It could very well be for some that they have such a problem with rejection, they prey on those that are easily manipulated. It could be what so many others of us are having the main issue with, just expresed in a different way. Where mental issues are not organically caused it seems that self esteem is very often at the core of what's going on.

Sure wish I knew how to fix mine.
The Lonely Stranger
And all I lov'd -- I lov'd alone.

Crisis # 1-800-784-2433
TheLonelyStranger
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 114
Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2003 10:19 pm
Local time: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:04 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Paraphilias Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 113 guests

cron