Were you sexually abused also?

I am intersted in hearing from people who have paraphilias AND were sexually abused.

I wanna get into the nuts and bolts of this. Please share your story, what occurred (do not be graphic), at what age, your current orientation and your current or past paraphilia.

I was sexually abused badly (I know all abuse is bad but this was very bad). Psychological and other abuse was also done in the setting of a religious compound so there were some cult like things going on. It was from the age of about 3 to seven and a half. I am gay. I don't have a paraphilias like paedophilia or necrophilia but I do have some sexual interests and likes which are not vanilla.

Cracked

Not that I am aware of. If I was at any point then I certainly don't remember it, and I do realise that sometimes we can block things out completely as if they never happened.

The only thing I could honestly say is when I had gay encounters with a couple of boys when I was young then maybe I felt slightly used as in they never did anything for me in return and pretended like it never happened and was a secret. But I don't feel like I felt like that at the time or even now.

Does not really help with your quest but thought it was worth sharing.

I think that this question has to be considered in the light of the definition of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse isn't necessarily physical, or even illegal. It often results from the ignorance of one's own parents.

I am reasonably sure that I was never sexually abused in a physical/sexual sense, nor physically abused for that matter. But a psychologist that I was seeing several years ago characterized my parents' complete lack of sexual education for me and for my sister as a form of psychological abuse. I guess I shouldn't say that they never taught us about sex, but what they did teach was sex-negative in the extreme. I once asked my mother how babies got out of their mothers' bodies, and she lied to me, saying the "tummy just opens up and the baby comes out." My father's frequent refrain was that sex was beautiful, but only if you happened to be married. There was no room in his universe for sex outside of marriage.

As a result of this type of abuse, I came of age in an atmosphere of fear and ignorance about sex. I was more than ready for the "lessons" taught by other boys, and by the time I was 12 I had masturbated another boy, enjoyed frequent masturbation participated in urination "games," begun cross-dressing, started using menstrual pads as sex toys, witnessed anal sex, and begun tentative then firm steps into coprophilia. As you might imagine, I also suffered huge self-shame and self-loathing, which I have only begun to leave behind in the last few years.

Other

I wasn't sexually abused. I was pretty badly bullied during childhood, but there was no sexual element to it.

I just figured I'd stand up and be counted. Otherwise, I'll leave you to your thread, since I don't really have anything to contribute otherwise.

CrackedGirl wrote:I was sexually abused badly (I know all abuse is bad but this was very bad). Psychological and other abuse was also done in the setting of a religious compound so there were some cult like things going on. It was from the age of about 3 to seven and a half. I am gay. I don't have a paraphilias like paedophilia or necrophilia but I do have some sexual interests and likes which are not vanilla.

Cracked

I think it is important to understand all "abnormal" sexual behaviour, legal or otherwise, which may have connections to sexual abuse. Especially if such behaviour is causing you problems now (you did not mention if your intersts cause you problems, so I am not assuming that is the case).

-- Sat Dec 20, 2014 7:16 am --

airwolffan wrote:Not that I am aware of. If I was at any point then I certainly don't remember it, and I do realise that sometimes we can block things out completely as if they never happened.

The only thing I could honestly say is when I had gay encounters with a couple of boys when I was young then maybe I felt slightly used as in they never did anything for me in return and pretended like it never happened and was a secret. But I don't feel like I felt like that at the time or even now.

Does not really help with your quest but thought it was worth sharing.

Myotherlife wrote:I think that this question has to be considered in the light of the definition of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse isn't necessarily physical, or even illegal. It often results from the ignorance of one's own parents.

I am reasonably sure that I was never sexually abused in a physical/sexual sense, nor physically abused for that matter. But a psychologist that I was seeing several years ago characterized my parents' complete lack of sexual education for me and for my sister as a form of psychological abuse. I guess I shouldn't say that they never taught us about sex, but what they did teach was sex-negative in the extreme. I once asked my mother how babies got out of their mothers' bodies, and she lied to me, saying the "tummy just opens up and the baby comes out." My father's frequent refrain was that sex was beautiful, but only if you happened to be married. There was no room in his universe for sex outside of marriage.

As a result of this type of abuse, I came of age in an atmosphere of fear and ignorance about sex. I was more than ready for the "lessons" taught by other boys, and by the time I was 12 I had masturbated another boy, enjoyed frequent masturbation participated in urination "games," begun cross-dressing, started using menstrual pads as sex toys, witnessed anal sex, and begun tentative then firm steps into coprophilia. As you might imagine, I also suffered huge self-shame and self-loathing, which I have only begun to leave behind in the last few years.

Other

Interesting that both of you and I experienced sexual activities with other boys at young ages no?

Also I think a grotesque form of child abuse is withholding information about sex from the child. That was definitely a factor in how I came to develop, and the sexual situations with boys and adults I got involved with at that young age.

I did not have any information about puberty, so my body was going though all this stuff and I did not understand it. I had no sex education until after I was already sexually active with adult men, and even that very brief 1hr lesson was 100% heterosexual.

Yes... but I think I was showing some odd fascinations that never went away before it happened. Maybe they were just a variation of the usual strangeness of childhood, maybe not. Maybe it just helped to cement my life in strangeness and detachment.

There was a family friend who used to wrestle me (often against my will) as an excuse to touch me. I think I was 7-8 and thought it was weird, but never really thought to tell anyone. As an adult I can see why I should have instead of putting up with it, but I guess my perspective was just different...

For the record, it's technophilia/technosexuality for me. I consider myself bisexual and have dated both sexes in the past (as well as trans), but it's a pretty muted attraction in comparison.

[We] don't know? [We] don't remember being sexually abused, but a lot of [our] childhood memories are missing.

Thanks for your thoughts. I agree it is important to understand all sexual behaviour through the lens of previous sexual abuse. I have done a lot of therapy and whilst not talking loads about it I have a good idea about where it is stemming from (control) . My thoughts are that it is consensual and legal and does not mess with my head. Not sure if they are the only criteria which should be fulfilled but they seem like reasonable ones.

Cracked

Chessplayer wrote:[We] don't know? [We] don't remember being sexually abused, but a lot of [our] childhood memories are missing.

If you have fractured into two peronalities, I would say it is more likely than not that something extremely traumatic occurred?