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Young woman who is obsessed with incest and paedophilia

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Young woman who is obsessed with incest and paedophilia

Postby charlottebutterfly » Sat Nov 03, 2012 4:40 am

Hi, I'm Charlotte and I'm 20 years old. Writing this post is extremely hard for me as I have never ever expressed my views to anyone in my real life. I guess I'll give you my story...

I am sexually obsessed with paedophilia and incest in any abusive format. I would never been turned on by a pornographic video with a loving sexual relationship setting; all I want is to be abused or be the abuser. I have also fantasised regularly about animals, women with male genitals, enemas and public humiliation.

When I was a young child I told a lie about my dad inappropriately touching me, but it was a vague distant memory of which I gave little significance. I have grown up obsessed with young girls and incestuous relationships. I recently found out that when I told those lies about my father he was arrested and I was taken away for questioning and since that incident (he was quickly found innocent) he couldn't bring himself to even hug me for several years. I do not remember any of this, so I suspect that I must have blacked the memory out. I have had dreams where I have been forced to have sex with my younger brother and woken up sexually aroused. When I see young children naked in real life, I am not necessary "turned on" strongly but I am aware of their sexuality and genitals in a way I do not think is normal.

My first and only sexual relationship was at 15 with a boy of 17 who then slept with my best friend before taking himself off in the army where he was later shot and killed. Since then I have had several nice normal guys try and take me out but I am too terrified to engage in any sexual experiences with them due to my fear of my inexperience, as much as I would like to. As such, my sexual life is non-existent.

When I was a teenager I had an abusive set of friends who beat me up and made me steal etc. and so I find it incredibly difficult to trust anyone, which I suspect plays into my fear of allowing someone to see me sexually. I have since made happy healthy relationships with my friends and my parents are always loving but I still am obsessed with sexual abuse. I want to watch young girls being defiled as disgusting and wrong as I know it is.

I am disgusted with myself for my sick sexual fantasies and extremely frustrated and depressed at my complete inability to allow anyone to go any further with me than kissing. I feel alone and I am not sure what to do. I had hoped by the time I reached the end of my university degree I would have managed to experience some sexual experiences but I have not been able to (and I have had ample opportunity). Please help me understand what to do.
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Re: Young woman who is obsessed with incest and paedophilia

Postby kernel » Sat Nov 03, 2012 1:03 pm

You really need help if you don't want to go to the jail.
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Re: Young woman who is obsessed with incest and paedophilia

Postby sylvievere » Sat Nov 03, 2012 4:43 pm

Hi Charlottebutterfly,

Thank you for being brave and sharing your feelings. I think the first thing you need to do is separate your fantasies and desires from your frustration with your sexual relationships with others (or lack thereof). Your fantasies in and of themselves are not harmful, nor are they shameful, "weird," disgusting, or in any way indicative of your being a bad or unworthy person. You have given no indication that you would harm anyone or desire to actually harm anyone, and as long as you separate the fantasy from the action, I see no reason why you need to feel badly about yourself for harboring those fantasies. A lot of people have the same fantasies you do and lead perfectly happy, healthy lives without hurting themselves or others.

The problem is that you're having a hard time opening up and trusting others, I'm guessing partly due to the negative experiences you describe having with past friends, etc. This is a problem because it causes you distress, which is troubling and definitely needs addressing, but from what you've said here there isn't any reason at all why you can't at some point have the kind of intimacy and trust with another person that you want. Have you thought about seeing a therapist who specializes in intimacy issues? I assure you, any therapist worth their salt will NOT be shocked by anything you've revealed here, and will have lots of advice for you about how to unravel your feelings about sexuality and intimacy with others and help you develop tools to deal with the problem and get to a better place emotionally. Cognitive-based therapy will direct you away from looking at the past to try to explain your issues, which may have nothing to do with how you were brought up or parented or anything like that, and instead focus on practical advice for what you can do NOW, in the moment, to start feeling better.

Again, I want to stress that the problem is NOT with your being "sick" or "perverted." I am married and have kids and have always had the kinds of thoughts you do and I can honestly say they don't negatively impact my life or relationships. I have zero desire to harm anyone and I enjoy the fantasies as one facet of my sexuality that gives me pleasure--desire takes many forms, and it needn't control you or determine whether or not you can have fulfilling relationships. Your fantasies do not determine your worth as a person or the quality of your moral character.

I hope you can reach out to someone who has experience dealing with intimacy issues and who will help you reach a point where you can both give and receive physical and emotional satisfaction from others in a way that makes you feel good about yourself, safe, and happy. There are so many others out there who share your situation. I wish you the best.
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Re: Young woman who is obsessed with incest and paedophilia

Postby charlottebutterfly » Sun Nov 04, 2012 2:14 pm

Thank you so, so much for your message Sylvie.
sylvievere wrote:
Thank you for being brave and sharing your feelings. I think the first thing you need to do is separate your fantasies and desires from your frustration with your sexual relationships with others (or lack thereof). Your fantasies in and of themselves are not harmful, nor are they shameful, "weird," disgusting, or in any way indicative of your being a bad or unworthy person. You have given no indication that you would harm anyone or desire to actually harm anyone, and as long as you separate the fantasy from the action, I see no reason why you need to feel badly about yourself for harboring those fantasies. A lot of people have the same fantasies you do and lead perfectly happy, healthy lives without hurting themselves or others.


I think you're right and maybe I need to see an intimacy therapist. I think perhaps if I could bring myself to allow intimate relationships with men of my own age, I would be less obsessed with the sexual fantasies that I currently have. Your message meant a lot to me and has made me feel much more confident in seeking help from a therapist without fear of being horrendously judged by them. Thank you
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Re: Young woman who is obsessed with incest and paedophilia

Postby sylvievere » Sun Nov 04, 2012 2:48 pm

So glad you've found some help here. Good luck and let us know how things go! We're rooting for you.

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Re: Young woman who is obsessed with incest and paedophilia

Postby DJM19 » Sun Nov 04, 2012 3:02 pm

Hey there charlottebutterfly

You're very brave to share all this here. You may not feel it, but even posting here is a big step. You're not alone in your thoughts and you shouldn't feel that your fanasties are sick or perverted since you have no real desire to hurt other people. Society looks down on people with these thoughts, it's true, but that's never quite the whole story. You may feel disgusted at yourself with these thoughts, but it's clear that you're not a bad person.

Given your expericenes, I can understand how diffcult it can be to be open with other people and trust them.It's a sort of vicious circle; you feel you can't trust someone so you feel you can't have sex with them leading to your frutration so you might try and have another relationship where the same thing happens. Don't feel too frustrated though; sex shouldn't be rushed or done when you're unsure of yourself otherwise it's not worth it. If it helps, you shouldn't be afraid of your sexual inexperience. Sex isn't just about pleasure, it's about understanding as well as trust and being together in a stable relationship.
I hope talking to a threapist who can understand these problems of trust and intimacy helps you deal with it. Once you start to deal with your trust and intimacy issues, you can deal with your sexual frustration. You need to have advice to help with the 'here and now' before you can start dealing with past issues. It might sound daunting, but just take things one step at a time, at your pace and see what happens in a few months.

Good luck for the future and all the best. Keep in touch!
Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James
Anyone can face a crisis, it's day-to-day living that you need to be careful of-Anton Chekhov
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Re: Young woman who is obsessed with incest and paedophilia

Postby samsomething » Mon Nov 05, 2012 6:49 pm

Kernel why should she go to jail please explain lol? If she needs that then I wondered your view on my problems then ....?
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Re: Young woman who is obsessed with incest and paedophilia

Postby kernel » Mon Nov 05, 2012 9:22 pm

One cannot be a good cook without thinking about it before.
Dreams come true.
If one is obsessed with something is half way for it to happen if one doesn't change owns mind.

"I am sexually obsessed with paedophilia and incest in any abusive format"
"All I want is to be abused or be the abuser"
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Re: Young woman who is obsessed with incest and paedophilia

Postby samsomething » Mon Nov 05, 2012 9:41 pm

Do you mean if I satisfy myself to Erotophonophilia thoughts occasionally I am likely to turn into a serial killer?
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Re: Young woman who is obsessed with incest and paedophilia

Postby kernel » Tue Nov 06, 2012 1:35 pm

The unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between reality and imagination.
If for instance under hypnotic trance someone tells you to do something (with your imagination) and you do it, you are more likely to do it in real life than someone who didn’t execute the same instruction.
If you are having thoughts from time to time about serial killing it probably doesn’t affect your self. However, if you are having thoughts, desires and obsessions you are more likely to create an action plan.
More or less as a suicidal person; one thinks, and thinks again, and thinks all the time, it becomes an obsession and a desire and then the opportunity arrives because one wanted it to happen, then there a fight between the conscious and unconscious mind arrives. The unconscious mind telling: “you have told me that you wanted to do this, there is your opportunity” and your consciousness “don’t do it because it is wrong”
The imagination is four times stronger than willpower, or the unconscious mind is four times stronger than the conscious mind. Sometimes dues to emotional conditions, excessive thoughts, distractions or other conditions such alcohol or drugs one can lose consciousness and the unconscious mind takes control, as it does when you are driving your car without thinking about it.
If you want to kill or abuse someone you are not guilty, you are just a victim of your past; you have leaned wrongly. Unfortunately the society punishes instead of teaching.
To change your mind you need to change your imagination. It is the only way of protecting yourself and others.
It is in the human mind that war starts. It is in the human mind that the peace starts.
If my English is not enough to be understood please ask and I’ll use different words
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