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Desperate wife of PPD

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Desperate wife of PPD

Postby Audrey » Wed Jan 16, 2013 12:30 am

I have been married to my husband for 20 years. His PPD (my diagnosis) waxes and wanes but I have finally decided I am not willing to stay with him and live out my life with his constant accusations. Over the years he has tried to control my every move and follows me around constantly questioning me about where I go, who I see, etc. Even going to the grocery store for milk he thinks I am having romantic encounters. For the past two years he has been consumed with the idea that a certain man that I am barely acquainted with is stalking me. He thinks this guy is following me around trying to make time with me. When we are in traffic he insists he sees this guy following us and I never see him. This all started two years ago, the acquaintance I a referring to asked to be Facebook friends (our kids go to school together). I accepted the "friendship" because I could see no reason not to, and my husband went crazy on me, demanding I block him. I was appalled that he was trying to control my friends on Facebook and refused to delete him upon principle.

Each and every day since then has been miserable. He yammers on for hours about this poor guy who has no idea any of this is going on. He has a wife and three children, a job, and a life. He is in no way following me around. I haven't even said hello to this guy in over a year! My husband doesn't believe me and says I wouldn't tell him if I saw him. I try to reason with him, that never works. I have tried asking him to hire a detective to have me followed so that he will have proof that do not meet this guy. He just escalates until he is so verbally abusive I have to leave the house to avoid him, at which time he flips me off and tells me he will lock me out of the house. I am so worn down that even against my own principle, I agreed to block the guy from my FB if my husband would leave me alone. He said okay! and became almost giddy. It was sickening, I was sick about conceding to his sick unfounded desire to control me. I told him if I did this the marriage is over, because I can't continue under his control like this just to get through the day.

Honestly, If we didn't have children I would have been gone long ago. I will need to get out of this marriage to keep my sanity but I would like him to get help for his own sake and the sake of our children. How can I get him to see how his paranoia is destroying his life? He even recently landed a great job and lost it because he wouldn't do a background check for them. He is just going to keep spiraling down once Io leave him, because I am the only one who offers the voice of reality. It is so tragic that that this disorder is so damaging. I have little hope for him. I feel guilty for wanting to save myself from his misery, but it is sucking the life out of me and I am done. I'm tired of being a victim and I want my life back. This was cathartic, thank you and good luck to you all.
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Re: Desperate wife of PPD

Postby conclave » Tue Feb 19, 2013 11:40 am

First off Audrey I am sorry for your suffering and good for you for trying to find help from such a hopeless situation. I am a recovered PPD and you must realize that in order for your husband to get better he has to take that leap. The most likely action that would get him closer to recovery is leaving him. I didn't come to terms with my paranoia until I thought I didn't have anyone any more then I was just left asking "whats wrong with me?" I found it and now i'm all better. Audrey you must save yourself at this point. Severe PPDs this far in to a relationship and how he's acting can be very dangerous to you. Get out of the marriage and find a therapist to help have someone to talk to about all of it. Even if you can't get out of the marriage or at least not right away you should see a therapist. It will probably help you feel a bit better! If you do divorce him most PPDs will act like they are over you at first but will eventually perform some tremendous act in an attempt to attract you back to them. Don't fall for it! If this does occur realize he isn't doing it out of love but trying to lure you back in out of vengeance. If you divorce him don't talk to him again. Let your lawyer do all the talking. I hope you find the path you feel you need to take to help your life. Let go of wanting to save him and save yourself so you can live your life safe and happy again! Good luck to you Audrey!
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Re: Desperate wife of PPD

Postby ShihtzuMalshi » Tue Mar 05, 2013 9:16 pm

I really feel for you. I just found this forum after a friend with PPD has apparently ended our freindship. I had never heard of PPD and stumbled across it one night and was like, wow, that is HER to a T! She doesn't just have some of the indicators, she has all! Anyway, I don't know if you can change a person like this. She has lost another good friend before me and refers to this girl as "that fat b****" and won't talk to her anymore. It's like she gets it in her mind that someone is against her and poof, she hates them, can't change it. She thinks the people she works with are out to get her and constantly is getting into disputes with everyone, everywhere. She's in her early 40s and I don't see it getting any better. I imagine it's really hard for you being that you're married to him. I feel sort of heartbroken even though this is just a friend, but I have to keep reminding myself that she has a problem. I have to admit though, it's a bit of a relief to not have to worry anymore about if I go somewhere with her, will I have to apologize for her behavior...AGAIN. It gets old. I've had other friends ask me not to bring her along because of her behavior and I felt like I was always in the middle as a peacemaker.
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