12 yr old son - ODD and alot more

Basically, I have been doing a lot of research on the internet,
and have been going to counseling on and off for years, and getting nowhere. I would like to find someone with a child like mine,
and maybe get suggestions on what to do.

I have 3 kids, my youngest 2 are great, but are bullied by their brother since the day they have been born.

Heres some details of my son, he is 12 now.

When he was born he never really slept like normal babies,
he was up for periods of 12 hours at a time, very alert.

He never played with toys, even as a toddler.

Til this day he does not go to sleep before midnight,
and usually will not let me or othe families sleep either.

At about the age of 2 until 4 I needed 3 babysitters a day for him while I was at work, they each took 3 hour shifts, because he was so active and mischievious.


When his brother was born, he was 3, and there was extreme jealousy, he used to throw anything he could at me and the baby while I was nursing him.

Thats when I went to counseling for the first time.
He was almost 4, and he would not talk to the pyscologist,
when we left each time he would say, ha ha , I didnt talk to the jerk. We kept going for about 6 months, and I would video tape
my son at home at night so she could see how he would pick on his brother and yell and scream all night.
After 6 months she said he was the most stubborn chid she has ever seen in her 18 years of practice.

They say he is not ADHD because he can control himself in classrooms. He did fine in school until this year. He is going to stay back, because he recieved straight F's , in all subjects.

Last year he was a B, C student., but probably because I fought
with him to do his homework til 11 each night.

This year in school, he received about 8 in school suspensions,
for bullying, teasing and harassing kids, and fighting in school.
He is also permanently kicked off the bus for teasing and bullying.

Once again he still behaves in the classroom , all his trouble is in the hallways, at lunch, on the bus. He has been banned from recess all year. He also got in trouble for harassing kids
on the phone.


He has been tested at school, and they say he has NO learning disabilities, although he tested low in Verbal Instruction,
which I guess is the same as following Verbal Instructions.

Even though it has been a tough school year, it has been worse at home. He verbally abuses my 9 year old each morning until he is in tears, it usually turns physical, and all I can do is lock my 12 year old out of the house until the bus comes,

My other sons in tears, i am all frazzled and As he walks to the bus he always yells out, Bye Mom, love you.

He was going to an after school program homework club,
which gave us an extra 1 1/2 hours peace at home. but he eventually got kicked out of that too, for teasing, bullying and being disrespectful to the man who ran the place.

So evening time is even worse. Just constant mothiness, and harassment. We are all victims.

Then about 6 months ago, he wresteled me down the floor,
while I was calling his dad in the morning, to tell him he missed the bus.

I was pretty shocked and when I got up he kicked me and then ran. When he got home that day he said, Did you tell dad yet,
I said no (even though I had) and he said , good if you do tell
him, i will beat you up again.

I was thinking , I am not going to become a victim of an 11 year old boy., then I started taping him again, and showing his dad,
and he would get punished, each and everyday for swearing,
and hitting. etc. Then we went to counseling again, and once again
it did not work out, at first it was refusal to talk, and then one day
he decided to tell the pycologist off, and then the psycologist refused to see him.


I know this is long but i want to be thourough.

There is more:

He is a big time manipulator and a compulsive liar.

He manipulates us, his friends, and his friends parents.

If a friends parent, tells my son no ,that their kid cannot come over or do something, he argues with the other parent,

Its kind of weird to here a 12 year old swear and argue with
other kids parents. But he never gives in, and shows no fear.

Needless to say , he doesnt have a whole lot of friends.
My other kids friends cannot come over, because of my 12 year old.


He has called me every name in the book, and does it in front
of his friends.

While driving with him he yells out the window at every pedestrian,
or biker he sees.

He talks baby talk sometimes, this is something new he does.

He obsessed with mooning us, however he will not do it in front of his dad.

But he has stripped naked in our pool with one of his friends in the pool. I was right their on the deck too. He started chasing his friend in the pool, and his friend was yelling go away, Your Messed Up. My son just laughed and laughed.


So their is a bully side to my son,
and then he tries to act like a clown the rest of the time.

He has also got in trouble for shoplifting,

and has went to the police before for a beebee gun incident.


He has been diagnosed ODD
but nothing else.

Any input would be appreciated

Thank you

Talk to his therapist about the possibility of Conduct Disorder. It sounds like he has something else going on besides ODD.

I swear you just wrote about my son. I am a single father of three. My oldest is 15 and I've just about had it with him. Counciling, sanctions, bribary, compassion, anger, self-help parenting books. Nothing has worked. He has tried to fight me on several occassions and I've had to take him to the floor and physically restrain him until his tantrum past. Since he can't beat me up he takes it out on his younger sister. I find myself surrounded by ex in-laws and grandparents that suddenly are experts and make me feel like I'm more of a failure as a parent. My son gets into occasional trouble in school but like you he seems to save the best for me and his sisters. I just started looking for an answer on-line today and saw your story. Hang in there. I've wanted to kill mine sometimes also. I feel manipulated and used. I just got divorced from his mom and got custody of all three kids. My hope was that without his mom, "drugs and emotional disorder", that his behavior would improve. Alas, he has continued to be difficult but now we can add theft, vandelism, and drugs to his resume. I love my son very much but its gotten to the point to where I am looking into alternative schools so me and my daughters can have some peace but everytime I start thinking that way I feel guilty, like I'm throwing him away or something. Hang in there and If I find anything that works I'll try to find you again and let you know.

My stepson is just turning 12 this month. He has all of the signs of ODD although he has not been tested or diagnosed with it yet. I too did a lot of research on the internet and when I found out about ODD it suddenly made a lot of sense of what has been happening with Justin. Justin lives with us full time and used to see his mother every other weekend. We have had to deal with him 24/7 ever since. His father has raised him alone for pretty much his whole life.

My husband and I have just about had it too, everything we have tried has not worked. Justin is more and more defiant to the point he mouths off at us and challenges us to "make him". We tried to find a boot camp for him as it seems he has a huge chip on his shoulder and nothing will dislodge it. He has a problem with violence. He has trouble in school- so much so that the school often phoned to ask us to come pick him up saying they had no idea how to deal with him anymore. Justin's mother has a lot of mental issues, bi-polar being there too and she took herself off medication. Justin has had police talk to him twice this year about violence. It straightens him out for about a month then it is back to same old same old. He refuses to go to counselling and at first claimed he doesn't have any problems. Now he agrees he has problems but says he doesn't want to deal with them.

My husband and I are fed up, frustrated and depressed that a child has the ability to wreck havoc like this on our lives and there is nothing we can do about it. The law isn't even on our side here- since Justin is going to be turning 12 this month all we are hearing is that his rights overrule ours. How can a child do this to his own father? Justin just glares at us and tells us he doesn't care. He is doing all this at 12 years old- I fear what happens when he hits teenage years when the normal rebellion is supposed to start...

My son has ODD and is almost 15 years old. For two years I put him in an alternative residential school that was wonderful for him. It was big on positive reinforcement and rewarding good behavior and cooperation. My son's best friend also has ODD and is 16. His parents sent him to a lockdown wilderness camp for a year that was punitive and it didn't seem to do him any good at all. My son thrived at his alternative school. Now my son works and I have to say that the busier you keep a child with ODD the easier they are to deal with. Don't let them get bored and don't argue with them. Give as much structure as possible and try to understand that they have an illness and can't help how they are. Even though it seems like they are being rotten intentionally they simply can't help it.

Gosh, can I relate!! My son was diagnosed with ADHD in 2nd grade. Further evals also found ODD and suspected Aspergers when he was around 9 or 10 years old. I am a single parent. My son is now 12 and he has me downright scared. He tells me to "shut the f**k up, b***", at least 2 or 3 times a day. He has destroyed hundreds of dollars woth of furniture. He has never had a best friend. He stays in the house all day long because he cannot get along with any of his peers. I honestly think if my sons violent and aggressive behavior continues into his teen years, I will have no choice but to have him placed into a group home or foster care. My son is in Special Education and goes to "BD" classes which is "Behavior Disorder". My saving grace this summer was special ed summer school. Its more like respite care to me lol. Plus he loves it because they work on socialization and interpersonal skills. Its the only time that he ever spends with other kids his age. He is an only child, and seems to hate interacting with people. I know my son from the inside out and what it boils down to for him, is that he interprets the world and what is going on differently than everybody else. He thinks everyone is intentionally making his life hard or intentionally messing with him. If I say something as simple as "wow, your really good at computer games", he will go into a 10 minute rant about how I am judging him and I have no right to do that ...getting himself more worked up by the minute. Sometimes I wonder if the anger is just a way to express that extra nervous energy. He is on medication for the ADHD (ritalin) but it does nothing for his violent behavior and screwed up thought processes. My son has seen, psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers etc. but the problem is in his thinking and no one can change that except him. I just want you to know your not alone and it sucks being the parent of behavior disordered kids Misery loves company ... and I'm there with you!

guest wrote:My son has ODD and is almost 15 years old. For two years I put him in an alternative residential school that was wonderful for him. It was big on positive reinforcement and rewarding good behavior and cooperation. My son's best friend also has ODD and is 16. His parents sent him to a lockdown wilderness camp for a year that was punitive and it didn't seem to do him any good at all. My son thrived at his alternative school. Now my son works and I have to say that the busier you keep a child with ODD the easier they are to deal with. Don't let them get bored and don't argue with them. Give as much structure as possible and try to understand that they have an illness and can't help how they are. Even though it seems like they are being rotten intentionally they simply can't help it.

Thanks for the suggestion about alternative residential school but it would not work with my stepson. See, focusing on positive reinforcement and rewarding good behavior and cooperation means you have to have good behavior and cooperation to reward...Justin is so set on how high and mighty he is we get none of that positive stuff from him. He is still in foster care and on our most recent unsupervised visit with him for supper here at home he threatened to hit his father with a bike helmet and kick him. Only the threat of calling the police and having him charged with assault calmed him down. Now Justin claims he wants no more visits with us period. We go back to court on Aug.3rd and Justin will likely be petitioning the court for crown wardship which means he stays in the foster care home and he never comes home, and he never has to deal with his problems in counselling. According to all our research and our lawyer Justin is fully allowed to make this tremendous decision. I shake my head...this is one screwed up kid-he has emotional problems, ODD possibly plus maybe he is bipolar. He is in no position to be making this kind of a life decision but the court system and the Children's Aid Society are telling him he can. Such a waste..... Also worth noting, ever since he has been in foster care CAS has not seen to it that he gets any counselling or testing to see what is messing him up and it has been over two months now.

Thanks for the suggestion about alternative residential school but it would not work with my stepson. See, focusing on positive reinforcement and rewarding good behavior and cooperation means you have to have good behavior and cooperation to reward...Justin is so set on how high and mighty he is we get none of that positive stuff from him. He is still in foster care and on our most recent unsupervised visit with him for supper here at home he threatened to hit his father with a bike helmet and kick him. Only the threat of calling the police and having him charged with assault calmed him down. Now Justin claims he wants no more visits with us period. We go back to court on Aug.3rd and Justin will likely be petitioning the court for crown wardship which means he stays in the foster care home and he never comes home, and he never has to deal with his problems in counselling. According to all our research and our lawyer Justin is fully allowed to make this tremendous decision. I shake my head...this is one screwed up kid-he has emotional problems, ODD possibly plus maybe he is bipolar. He is in no position to be making this kind of a life decision but the court system and the Children's Aid Society are telling him he can. Such a waste..... Also worth noting, ever since he has been in foster care CAS has not seen to it that he gets any counselling or testing to see what is messing him up and it has been over two months now.[/quote]

It might seem now like your son would not do okay in a residential school geared towards dealing with kids who aren't doing okay at home, but you'd be surprised. My son was wreaking havoc on our family. He was violent, abusive, cruel and he just conned every counselor he ever had into taking him to the skate park or out to eat. He made a complete turn around in the school because they offer great rewards to kids who try hard and succeed. My son earned a spot in the ski/snowboard program where he got to spend every Wednesday for about 10 weeks skiing all day. He went to amusement parks, great field trips, a spot on a sports team that went to another state to compete against other residential schools. During his screening and application to get into the school the head therapist voiced concerns that he wasn't sure my son would be able to thrive in the program because he was so rude, miserable and out of control. My son surprised everyone and turned out to be a star student, athlete and did so well academically that they would have had to develop a new curriculum just for him had he stayed the last two years and graduated from the 8th grade there. The school keeps the kids busy from the time they get up until the time they go to bed. They don't have time to be bored. The great thing about this school is that they base the tuition on the family's ability to pay. If all you can afford is $50 a month, that's all you pay. Here is a link for you:

http://www.kurnhattin.org/

hi there my son is 8 i think he may have odd

he is aggressive towards teachers swears defiant runs out class hits teachers kids myself

he sleepwalks he urinates outside poos himself

wont do his school work demands 1 to 1 attention all the time

tried to set fires at home
wrecks his bed room lashes out

cant tie his shoes laces cant wash himself wright

last week he pulled a girls skirt and pants down in the middle of the street and had the parent s at the door

he also tryed to break into a car with a bent paper cli[p

help i put in a claim for dla and it was turned down has this happended to anyone i am asking for them to look at it again as i have lost of evidence about what hes like

You need a diagnosis and fast. What you describe sounds more like Conduct Disorder, which is even more difficult and disruptive than ODD. You seriously need to get that boy in for a psych evalualtion and diagnosis and THEN apply for disability for him and try to get him in a special school that is geared towards that. It will only get worse if you don't intervene as early as possible.