I need to find residential placement for 12yo son:(

Hi, I am new to these forums but not to ODD or ADHD both of which my son has. I am a single parent and he is just way to violent and destructive to live in a normal family environment. I have totally lost control of his violent moods, and yes he has a psychiatrist and is supposed to take Respiradal and Concerta both of which he refuses to take and throws them across the room. He says if he finds the bottle he will flush them! In the past he was on Ritalin LA 30mg but nothing has ever helped his anger/violence problems. He has destroyed all my dining room chairs (smashed), clocks, phones, mirrors, pictures ... I could go on but you get the point. He has an IEP and qualifies through having an emotional disability and ADHD. He is chronically angry about being different and not fitting yet he will not talk about it with the therapist or me or anyone for that matter.

My question is, how do I go about finding placement for him. His public school has already mentioned a day school but I and he both really need a 24 hour type setting for him. He definately needs a more structured environment than I can provide. On two occasions he has had violent outburst in public and passersby called police. I cannot seem to get any advice from his psychiatrist, school social worker or the police. Have any of you had to make this drastic move?

Thanks for any help.

Mojo,

When one of my sons was 15 he was out of control too. He was also anorectic and had several weird things going on in him. He was impossible to live with...though I loved him dearly. He finally ended up in a long term psych hospital just for kids and teens. That did him wonders of good.

I would start with the county you live ing and see if the have a FIA (Family Independence Agency). They can best tell you what is available. Even then it may be difficult to get your son in. But it's worth a try as long as you are wiling.

Take Care,
Kathy

Here is an update... I had to call the police a couple of days after I posted that.. and they came over... my son was absolutely out of control. He had smashed the tower of a $2000.00 computer, was flipping over chairs and throwing shoes at me one of which hit me in the head. I did not press charges but I told the officer that there had to be some kind of a change made. Currently I am working with a community mental health department. We are going to get him re-evaluated.. I think he has Aspergers and ADHD but it never got on the initial dx paper. The main problem is getting him to take the medications to control the violence. Unfortunately most of the antipsychotics have heavy side effects and for a 12 yo that can be really distressing. I am going to check out the Asperger forum too... His special ed teacher has said he seems very "Aspergery", his psychiatrist has mentioned it frequently although he never put it in the final eval., and from what I have read about Aspergers I would have to say he does have A LOT of the traits. He does not go out at all, he has absolutely no friends, he has only one love in life and that is computers and video games, people and especially me tend to irritate him intensely.. I was astonished when he destroyed the PC, but that just made it more obvious to me that he has no impulse control since he destroyed something that he loved.

One last update: Finally, a psychologist was able to convince my son to try out his medication respiradal. After a few days of my son complaining of side effects of feeling "achey"..he slowly started to improve. Now its been about 5 weeks since he started taking .5mg of respiradal a night, and I cannot tell you how much his behavior has improved. The unjustified anger outbursts literally have gone away! I cannot believe one little pill has produced such a change in my son. I came so close to having to find someplace else for him to live, it was unbearable.
I just wanted to let you all know, don't give up. I was overwhelmed, but I never quit trying, although God knows I wanted to! And finally, I was able to find something that works for my son. Its no miracle drug, he is still a very difficult person, but his behavior has improved tenfold! For the time being, residential treatment options are a thing of the past! Thank heavens!

Update: Its me again. Mojo255, Mojo and Guest are all me, the original poster. I'm just terrible at remembering password and e-mail! LOL I can't believe a whole year has gone by, and its almost frightening to remember how bad it had gotten. It is scary to think how close my son was to being institutionalized due to his uncontrollable anger and unprovoked violence. The positive changes in my sons behavior in the past year, due to medication, have been nothing short of profound. He is still on Respiradal, but his nightly dosage is now 1.5mg. He has never had another outwardly violent episode. The chronic irritability is gone. Its as if he got his life back. He still gets angry over things, that most people don't even consider, but its never physical, and its usually forgotten within 5-10 minutes. The only bad side effect he has had is weight gain. He has gained close to 40 lbs since starting respiradal. When I ask him how that makes him feel, he says he doesn't mind, he would rather have weight to lose than feel angry all the time and have everybody hate him. I guess thats a glimpse of what it was like for him during the bad days.

I never in my wildest dreams thought that my sons behavior was a chemical disorder. I always knew he was a bit different but I honestly thought that he was willfully unreasonable, and that if he just "tried" the violence and anger would stop. I was so wrong.

Well, I hope this update can help another parent, because I remember all too well how I felt when I made that first post. I was at my wits end, and felt hopeless and helpless. I loved my son, but I was very scared by his behavior and I didn't know what to do, or where to turn. Just never give up. Keep asking for help, and keep remembering that all thing do change over time. Situations never stay the same. If your child is violent and chronically angry, and its always over small mundane things, get them psychiatrically evaluated. It made a world of difference in my sons outcome.

Hi Mojo, etc.

Just a quick not to tell you that you've given me hope!! I am now wearing the shoes you had on, on 5/13/05. My daughter is completely out of control.

She is in Sweden right now, but is coming home Wednesday evening. I have an appt for her with a pediatric neuro-psychiatrist on Thursday morning, and have printed out your story to hand to the Dr.

She is is Sweden with my friends, because that is the only break I ever get from her. I'm a single parent, and adopted this child when she was 4.5 years old. Her behavior has put them over the edge, so she is coming home early.

They were very critical of me, when she first got there. But, now they're repeating my words, and adding a few choice ones of their own! Her behavior is really... really... awful.

Thank you for posting your story about your son, for I now see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sincerely,
Susan (ODD1310)

Hi. I am new to this posting thing also, but just wanted to let u no about my son also. He is nine years old. He has been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD/ Mood Disorder NOS. I no what your going through. My son was totally out of control just like your child. I didnt no what to do. So I made a little visit to the phyce ward. Signed him up. He went through a partial hospitalization program. It did wonders. A few weeks later, my son is a totally different child. Try it, U might not want him to go anywhere after that.

oh..I thought perhaps he really had aspergers when you told us diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. But then I read it and I thought hmm maybe he does have that. then I read about the not fitting in part and i thought for a sec maybe i was right the first time, but then i thought it could also be his ODD and ADHD.

When your children end up as serial killers I hope you are all happy.

insincerity wrote:When your children end up as serial killers I hope you are all happy.

Was that really necessary?