False memory or truth

Hi

I haven't been on for a while but I've been looking into what OCD I actually have as it's never quite 'fit' in to one category, so to speak. Maybe it's more than one...but definitely it is mostly false memory OCD.

This is because I mainly focus on past mistakes and try and figure out if it happened or not.

The thing I cannot get over is that what's the difference between knowing you did something and feeling guilt, and thinking about something and having a strong feeling it did happen and trying to prove it?

I'm not making sense....but my latest problem is that I am convinced I masturbated in a house with children (separate room) and that I was thinking of them while doing so.  Not an involuntary thought....but willingly thinking about them.

I feel disgusted. I try to look at it in a worst case scenario way...ok I did it. What does this mean?  
To me it means I am a disgusting pedo who doesn't deserve to have anything.

This one has been doing the rounds in my head for months. Day in, day out. It's my birthday tomorrow and I just want to sleep forever.

I am disgusting.

Crazy30 wrote:The thing I cannot get over is that what's the difference between knowing you did something and feeling guilt, and thinking about something and having a strong feeling it did happen and trying to prove it?

2 me
the latter suggest either memory loss or that you are trying to explain why you feel guilty when you didn´t do anything
i sometimes feel guilty for no reason, best thing to do is to do something good for ppl somehow

Crazy30 wrote:I am disgusting.

i don´t think so