I don't even know what to say, cause I don't know how I feel. I guess I feel empty and numb. I'm so worried I might be a child abuser, but not in an obsessive way. My cousin is moving in with her little son and I'm really worried I'm going to hurt him - truth is, I don't really like him, that might be because I don't like her, but I feel like I'm taking all my anger of her out on him, though I've never harmed him, I just generally don't really like him. Then I start to feel bitter, like I want to harm him, but I don't want to look too much into my thoughts in case I find something I don't like. He's 2, and I just don't find him cute at all. I can't carry on like this. My other cousin has a son who's 4 now, and I love him to pieces, I would never hurt him. I don't know how I feel when I'm around the 2 year old. I feel anxious a lot, and don't want to be around him at all, in case I hurt him. I used to feel like this about another cousin years ago, but it went and I felt totally happy, no I'm just down and feeling like a ###$ up child abuser. A lot of other things are going on, I feel totally dead, incapable of loving someone, I feel I keep pushing people away. I just haven't felt love for a long time. Not even for my family. Yeah, I've laughed a d smiled a lot, but that doesn't make me happy. I don't know how to overcome this. I don't know if this an obsession or real. A few years ago I obsessed I was a pedophile, and that felt real, but this feels completely different, feels more like a feeling as opposed to an obsession and it's scaring me. I hate the way he looks at me - like he knows I'm an abuser. I hate it!! I just don't look at him.