Our partner

OCDs and relationships, marriage etc.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Otter

OCDs and relationships, marriage etc.

Postby stella55 » Tue Nov 29, 2011 12:59 pm

Hey everyone,
I am now 19 years old and I have OCD since 11-12 years old.
I was wondering about OCDs getting in a relationship, marrying, creating families etc. I have never been in a serious relationship yet. Does OCD make things harder?
I mean, I can imagine that telling your potential partner that you have obsessive irrational thoughts and the urge to carry out a "protective" ritual can scare the s**t out of them (not even to mention HOCD). We know what's wrong with us and have more or less accepted our faith, but how do "normal" people react to that? Those who have no interest in psychology might start thinking about serious mental illnesses, like shizophrenia or psychosis. They might be afraid and try to flee from the OCD as soon as possible.
Or assuming a relationship has been built, I can imagine that the partner may feel annoyed in quite a short time because he would constantly need to listen to all kinds of worries and maybe also feel like the OCD doesn't trust him when he tries to calm the person down, because obsessive thoughts don't go away so easily. He might also feel that the person with OCD is egoistic, as he is always worried about himself or some unimportant things.

Am I maybe wrong? Can OCDs have a good family life after all? How should we tell our partner about our problem? Or should we not tell all the details and only mention it briefly? Or maybe look for someone who has an OCD themselves?

Up until now, my only "relationship" with a person who found me and my whole chaotic personality "interesting" ended with a desaster, I've already written about it here: post657069.html#p657069 . But I really wish to find someone to love someday and make a nice family. I'm scared now that my OCD can ruin my family plans. :(
User avatar
stella55
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2011 2:10 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 6:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: OCDs and relationships, marriage etc.

Postby Entangled » Tue Nov 29, 2011 9:05 pm

I have OCD.

Since I had it all my life, I never thought much about it, because it was a part of me and was so used to it, that telling people about it never accured to me.

If you go into a relationship. A serious one, the OCD rituals and behavior will show.

This is my opinion, but, as soon as you know that each of yoou are liking each other, there is a "Let's come clean" period where skeletons come out closets and all. This is the best time.

Let the person know what you obsess about. She the ritual and explain that it brings down unnecessary anxiety. If you don't come clean right away, you'll be so wrapped up in the relatioship, you could get hurt even more.

-- Tue Nov 29, 2011 3:12 pm --

I would go to this site. Find the area of "OCD what is it." Let the person read it so the person get's a good idea of what they would be dealing with. Tell them the ritual brings down anxiety. That's all you can basically do.

Getting into a relationship with another OCD sufferer sounds cool. But, now, you have that persons OCD to deal with ontop of yours. (It's like having two people who are alike in many ways and the two can't stand each other.

One thing yoyu will find in our society is the perfect person does not exist. You find someone, the baggage is your to deal with.

Coming clean is hard. Coming clean with a long relationship is even more hard. I've been there and done what you are doing. It isn't easy. I haven't found an answer.

Other posters might know something...
User avatar
Entangled
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 596
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:26 am
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:39 am
Blog: View Blog (8)

Re: OCDs and relationships, marriage etc.

Postby 4horsegal » Wed Nov 30, 2011 8:41 am

My only relationship ended in a disaster, but that was probably because he was verbally abusive, and had mental health issues of his own. So dating another person with OCD is probably not a good idea. Better to date a "normal" person.

I just read your other post. Are you out of that relationship now? That relationship sounds just like mine with my ex, like a disaster. He was a self harmer as well as suicidal. I was terrified to leave, that if I did he would kill himself. I was so attached, that I stayed way longer than I should have (5 years). Plus he really screwed up my anxiety problems. Not good at all.

I'm not sure telling someone is a good idea. I like to keep my rituals a secret, and when I told my last bf, I felt free-er to act on my OCD behaviors since he knew. For me, it seems better that I don't tell, as I'm less likely to engage in OCD behavior. Although I'm sure it would have to come out at some point in any serious relationship. If someone really loves you, I doubt they will care that you have OCD.

As for having a family, OCD does have a genetic link so that is something to consider. I decided I'm not having children as this is not something I would want my kids to suffer through. I'm assuming mine is genetic, as I honestly cannot remember when I didn't have OCD. Even in elementary school, I remember having phobias and rituals.

My cousin has OCD and as far as I know he does okay in relationships. So it is possible. You just have to meet the right person.
4horsegal
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 328
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:45 am
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: OCDs and relationships, marriage etc.

Postby stella55 » Wed Nov 30, 2011 6:48 pm

Yeah, I agree that living with another OCD could get pretty chaotic :)

I think the best partner for us should be really open minded, maybe even an Artist of some sort. :D I am an artistic personality too and I hang out with similar people, they make me feel good 'cause they have colourful character features on their own and don't really care who you are.

A lot depends on us as well. If we look at our problem as if it were a serious illness, we automatically decrease in confidence and then there's no wonder we can't find a normal partner. I believe the best is to view ourselves ironically. I have seen quite a few movies/TV series/cartoons where there is a character with one or another obsession, and I always found them funny, not scary (back then I didn't realize I belong to the same group yet). So, if we don't take us too seriously, others won't have problems with us other.

In fact, OCD and some other personality disorders have even inspired me to crate something (as I mentioned, I am sort of an Artist), but I won't tell about the details yet as I'm afraid it might not come true :D


Here's a blog I have found recently, of a quite successful OCD who has a good job, a family and children:
http://billbrenner1970.wordpress.com/

Knowing that some famous people have OCD can help feel better as well. I was happy to find my idol in the list:
http://www.sound-mind.org/famous-people-with-ocd.html
User avatar
stella55
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2011 2:10 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 6:39 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: OCDs and relationships, marriage etc.

Postby Entangled » Fri Dec 02, 2011 1:10 am

One of the things I can tell you from working in psych, there are no perfect people. Somone has an emotional bag to carry and find out.

Two OCD's together in marriage?

Lot's of questions. Do you have a ritual, what needs to be done obsessively? You better come clean at the beginning.

I didn't. I had been doing ritual all my life and was never reminded that others didn't do it. In my mind... yes, I did know that, but? So, it's such a part of your life, it's like a secret room tucked away.

Until married... they come out.

There is two ways of looking at something that, in a relationship, should be done. It's the come clean factor: (My own idea.)

1. Tell the person all the rituals and behaviors right away sometime before marry.
2. Keep it closed up until that person loves you so much, that when they find out about it, you snagged him in.

Personally... #1 for me. Yet I have an OCD: everything that might go wrong will go wrong, and if I can't find the solution, I'll need to find out anyway to do it now. And their is always something around that corner, ready to devour you. (HEY. I'd be going for a walk right now... but no. NO! I am typing on the keyboard becasue somethings out there... some overzellous idiot on a porch who will want to talk to me until kingdom come. ESCAPE.

But, if you use #2... it will be painful. Because now you will divulge all that info and they can't take it... which was happened to me.

So, instead of trying to write to you the best I can, my lovely daughter, the ex-wife who I had asked for counselling have destroyed all dreams... except, my daughter. Nothing can take that way! And God greanted me... exactly what I was praying for. A girl... a girl to watch grow up

I'm sorry, I am tasking up the thread with all my junk... sorry
User avatar
Entangled
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 596
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:26 am
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:39 am
Blog: View Blog (8)

Re: OCDs and relationships, marriage etc.

Postby babygirl 86 » Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:25 pm

Xo
User avatar
babygirl 86
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 111
Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 12:44 am
Local time: Wed Sep 03, 2014 2:09 am
Blog: View Blog (30)

Re: OCDs and relationships, marriage etc.

Postby Entangled » Fri Dec 16, 2011 3:00 am

XO.

OK...sorry poster... I have nothing better to do

XO. This you reply

First there is X...

The X.... means that x amount of good stuff compared to bad stuff says you will get better. So X is more than all the bad stuff. Meaning your doing good.

O. Oh, means "O." Look at that! See that giant amount of stuff that helped this person figure out there problems? "O".. meaning "OH." Menaing WOW!"

So there we found out what it means. X measns more of what you had..and "O" says wow, look at all that great stuff...

See XO means great!

RIGHT???? EVERYONE????
User avatar
Entangled
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 596
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:26 am
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:39 am
Blog: View Blog (8)

Re: OCDs and relationships, marriage etc.

Postby babygirl 86 » Wed Dec 21, 2011 3:55 am

xo means hugs and kissed. i posed it so i wouldnt lose what i was reading cos i wanted to read more i was enjoying your storries. and at the time didnt have time to read. so i did that so when i juped on next i could vew my post. to see if there was more storries written. i was finding it interesting because im bipolar and ocd.
User avatar
babygirl 86
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 111
Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2011 12:44 am
Local time: Wed Sep 03, 2014 2:09 am
Blog: View Blog (30)

Re: OCDs and relationships, marriage etc.

Postby Entangled » Fri Dec 23, 2011 3:57 am

OH. Didn't know that. Takes not XO = love and kisses.
lol = laugh out load.

But I can do better... direct from ZOOM, the kids show... the language of Ubby Dubby. when I was a kid!

"Ubi Dubo nubot knubow thubis stubuff yubou arubbe subayabing?" :D
User avatar
Entangled
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 596
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:26 am
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:39 am
Blog: View Blog (8)


Return to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Zamyou and 109 guests

cron