Look, I'm pretty sure you're when you're not stressed out of your mind you're bright enough to know that what you need to do is very, very simple; but also very, very hard to face up to.
It would be nice if people as deep in as you are now, and as many of us on the forum have been before, had another way out. It would be great if it didn't almost always seem to come down to a choice between unbelievable terror that makes you better, and unbelievable terror that makes you worse. But it does, and that's exactly the choice you're at now.
> Your need to tell psychologist about your fears at your next appointment. If you can't do that, you need to write it down for them, email them, or bring someone else to tell them. No matter what it takes, they need to know now.
> You need to go to your psychiatrist and tell them that your medication has not prevented you from being wrecked. You need to discuss carefully with them whether your SSRI has stopped working, and whether they believe it would be a good idea to transition you to a new medication.
> You need to stop watching triggering porn and looking up triggering images, right now, forever, period. If you cannot force yourself to do that, then you need to install software on your computer that will lock you out of the worst of it, and give the key to someone else.
> Finally, if you think that any of this advice is in any way ambiguous or contains room for compromise, then you need to take a deep breath and stop pretending to yourself.
If you can't do that, then frankly I'll understand and empathize because I'll remember all the times I couldn't help myself either. But your OCD will not care about that. It will only keep getting worse from here -- because it always gets worse. You need to get the care you need, or find someone who can help get it for you.
Mere "anxiety," as Heidegger says, is at the source of everything.
-Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus
"You're very clever, young man, very clever," said the old lady. "But it's turtles all the way down!"
-Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time