ROCD or denial

Today I cried in bed. I was thinking of breaking up with my girlfriend but then I thought about how much she means to me and how much that would hurt her so I started to cry. We're long distance, we have never met irl, and our relationship is going on 5 months. I'm not even sure if I'd enjoy kissing her or hugging her and yet I cry so much thinking about breaking up with her.
I ought to come clean about how the relationship started: I found her through an online dating app with my only interest being in looking for a girl to sext and or hook up with (I know, its horrible and I promise I don't do this anymore.) So when I found a girl that I found really attractive that liked me back (my current gf) I instantly wanted to talk to her, but when I found out she wasn't interested in sexting I was pretty turned off initally. We would skype and I would enjoy talking to her but I never had feelings for her in the beginning. So when she first told me she had feelings for me I honestly didn't think I felt anything back but I told her I did too anyway because I figured my feelings for her would eventually kick in. Well its 5 months in and I'm still not sure if I do.
I swear I feel something when we skype, and I also love imagining holding her hand. But other than that its pretty hard for me imagine us doing anything else like hugging or kissing or at least I think I do. She's a solid 10 in attractiveness and has a great personality so those were always my main things that drove me to keep at the relationship.
I broke up with her a couple months ago and after I broke up with her the following day I begged for her back because I swore to her that I was definitely sure I was in love with her. Was I lying? I don't think I was, after I broke up with her over skype I saw the tears running down her face and told her I wanted to kiss her, hug her, and let her know everything would be okay. Those were my legit words and I truly felt like I had the feelings for her behind those words.
Am I really in love her and have ROCD, or am I just in denial and I actually would just really like to be in love with her? Am I forcing my feelings or are they genuine? She told me that its natural to not be 'feeling butterflies' over an online relationship but I've had another online relationship in the past and I swore I felt butterflies in that one.
Please help and I'm sorry for making these posts, I promise this will be the last one for a while because I finally said everything I needed to say in this post.