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Extreme Anxiety/ Intrusive thoughts and more

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Extreme Anxiety/ Intrusive thoughts and more

Postby MusicalAnxiety » Fri Oct 21, 2016 4:23 am

I'm a teenage girl and have be struggling with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Recently, around the end of last year it started to get WAY worse (multiple full-blown panic attacks a day).

I have a generalized anxiety disorder and some OCD. I have been worrying about medical things and death excessively (having/getting a medical illness of any type) and I would constantly monitor my body for any abnormal things or symptoms and any little thing would cause a panic attack (I once called 911 because of it). These medical fears have ranged from cancer (probably my most common fear) to smaller things like fear of getting asthma/a virus/cold.

I also fear my parents/ people I love getting illnesses or getting hurt so I feel I always have to be with them.

I also seem to have chronic dizziness and fatigue which is causing me lots of panic. It's been getting worse, and can hardly get through school.

Last year I couldn't go to school for about two weeks due to severe agoraphobia and eventually I couldn't leave my room without having a panic attack, it was AWFUL! I eventually got over that.

I also seem to have this terrible consistent fear of fainting and I'm almost always lightheaded. I can't stand it. These worries cause me extreme stress and are distracting me from my schoolwork. But that's not even the worst part.

Recently I've gotten a new "genre" of worries, and instead of medical illnesses, I've been worried about getting mental illnesses (especially depression). I seem to have this EXTREME fear about accidentally killing myself/someone else and it's awful! I have a huge fear of becoming suicidal. For example, I cannot go near many things now (trains/knives/scissors) because I'm afraid to lose control (which cause me extreme distress). I don't want to kill myself/ become a serial killer, I just want to be normal.

In the past few days I have experienced depersonalization/derealization like I'm not "myself" or the things around me aren't actually real, it's really hard to explain but it freaks me out, causing me extreme distress and panic.

I'm so scared I may become crazy, or lose control, or am waisting my life.
What if I never get better?
What if my symptoms get worse and can never be cured?
What if I sit around for the rest of my life worrying and waist my life?
What if I have a never before heard of metal illness and no one knows what's wrong?
What if people give up on me?
What if I get more scary symptoms?!?!!?
What if I get consumed by these fears and will never be happy again?!

I'm so so scared! My parents aren't extremely supportive as they get mad and always say they are going to give up on me. They don't understand how HARD this is! I'm not doing it for attention, it is a real issue for me! No one seems to understand.

I'm scared that I'm dwelling on my fears to much and making it worse!
I think I'm sitting around thinking about these fears WAY TO HARD and maybe I should just get busy and it will subside.

This fear of getting/having a mental illness is AWFUL cause it's not something a doctor can just look at and tell me everything is fine cause it's in my head! I am just so scared to become hopeless and waist my life!

I have been seeing a therapist but I haven't told her about all my new fears (the mental illness/depersonalization ones)! I'm just afraid she may think I am actually depressed and crazy! I do not want to be crazy or depressed I just want to be normal and focus about normal things like schoolwork and social relationships not getting a serious illness...!

I'm so scared! I cannot go on like this, please help, what do I do? Is this normal or am I crazy? Is there a chance I can get better? How do I talk to my parents and convince them this is a real issue? How do I talk to my therapist without her thinking I'm crazy? Any recommended coping mechanisms for the time being? I just want to run into the hospital right now cause I'm so scared and sad. I want time to just stop so I can get my thoughts together! I don't want to waist my time on these thoughts!
Last edited by Snaga on Fri Oct 21, 2016 7:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Minor edit pm to follow
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Re: Extreme Anxiety/ Intrusive thoughts and more

Postby Bert the Turtle » Fri Oct 21, 2016 3:50 pm

Welcome to the forum, A combination of panic attacks, health OCD, and harm OCD are pretty much right up my alley. Since my own late teenage years I've had a fake heart attack, a fake aneurism, a fake stroke, and two fake cancers. I've also had fake schizophrenia, fake suicidal thoughts, and fake amnesia. It's a terrible and relentless place to be.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and that your parents have been unsupportive. Let me see if I can help out you with a few things.

Confiding in your therapist
If you poke around this forum you'll see your new fears are not uncommon ones, and I promise your therapist has heard much worse than mental health anxiety and OCD. You have nothing to fear from confiding in them. They would never call you crazy. In general, I think it's a paramount rule to always be fully honest with your therapist.

A lot of people have trouble with that when they first need serious therapy, so let me try and share some advice: However much respect or even affection you may have for a therapist it's important to realize that they're not your friend, parent, boss, or judge. A therapist is a professional; a mechanic you hire to tune up your mind.

If you hide an engine problem from your mechanic, you can't expect to get your car back fixed. And however invaluable the expertise they bring to the table, at the end of the day they work for you. If they ever behave that unprofessionally, fire them. Then go and find a better mechanic.

Talking with your parents
How to convince your parents is more tricky, because that conversation is different every time. Do you all talk much about what you're going through, and what are those talks like? Why do you think they're reacting the way they are? And was your relationship okay before this?

Dealing with OCD
There's plenty of little coping tricks you can try. I like reading case studies of other people with OCD for example, it puts my own troubles in perspective. You could also try googling ACT mindfulness exercises. Aerobic exercise and healthy eating can also be surprisingly effective if done consistently. During panic attacks watch your breathing; hyperventilating them makes it worse.

I'd also encourage you to take some time to read a few explanatory on articles OCD, the available therapies (CBT and ACT) and meds (SSRIs and SNRIs, glutamate modulators, benzos and gabapentin for anxiety, etc.). Just a little knowledge can help you learn to ask the right questions and get the most out of your treatment.
Mere "anxiety," as Heidegger says, is at the source of everything.
-Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus

"You're very clever, young man, very clever," said the old lady. "But it's turtles all the way down!"
-Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time
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