by atina » Sat Jun 18, 2016 4:06 pm
Dear nathanherts16:
I have had although I still sometimes wish to be famous. I used to daydream a whole lot about being famous and I believed that I was meant to be, somehow. Even though I didn't have a talent for singing or dancing... and even though I was plagued with Tourette Syndrome vocal and motor tics, I still dreamed about being a famous movie actress star, international. I day dreamed so often about dancing on a stage for thousands of people in the audience in standing ovation, bewildered by my incredible performance. I even dreamed of starting a religion. I just had to be famous...
I realize now it was because I was so very lonely and unimportant to anyone in my life, as a child, a teenager, a woman... I just didn't matter, wasn't seen, wasn't visible and I so wanted to be see, to be visible, noticed, valued. so I went all out seeking international attention, for no particular talent, when all along it would have been probably enough if one person, a parent let's say, would have seen me, seen me sad just one time and say: "You look sad; tell me about it. What is making you sad, and then listen to me, with empathy, as if (As if, I write, because I know better) it mattered at all that I was sad, or ... as if I was allowed to be sad.
atina