HOCD? PLEASE HELP

Not holding up that well tbh.

I feel you dude.. I feel like I have a crush on this girl right now but every time I see a guy I get this weird feeling idk if it's good or bad. Constantly have an Erie feeling that I'm gay and don't have ocd. And my mind writes the 'crush' on the girl off as just wanted to be friends. I don't know if this sht is normal anymore or not. I've never had a load of confidence talking to random girls unless the situation was right idk if that's fuel for this or if I'm just trying to deny my gay life

All I know is I feel it deep down that I want to be with this girl. Doesn't mean my physical body is agreeing with that all the time but sometimes it does just not fully.

That's exactly it dude. Sometimes my body and mind both agree. Most of the time they don't

Yeah but sometimes they both try to trick me.

Honestly dude I'm about to give up. Idk what else to do. I feel little anxiety, I feel like any girl I meet now will not make me happy at all. I'm looking at every guy I see. I saw a guy and I feel horrible writing this looked at his ass and literally felt like I liked it. I wanted to crash into a pole while I was driving. That moment made me feel like this is actually real. Idk man. Maybe that's the reason all my friends had no problems getting with any girls and I was always so picky. I really don't know

I don't think you should lose hope over that.. But that picky thing sounds like me too or at least it used to.

I don't get it dude. Was my entire past with girls just experiments 20+ girls, dozens of crushes since kindergarten, 3 relationships where 1 was pretty scarring at times, never wanted to be with a guy used to gross me out and then all of a sudden this sht just creeps in and ruins my life.. Was my entire past just me trying to force myself to be straight. I can't be clear about any of this fking sht anymore.

-- Sat Jul 23, 2016 10:05 pm --

Dustin lynch used to be my favorite musical artist. Whenever his music came on I immediately thought 'damn this guy makes some good sht I'd love to feel like that with a girl or be like him' once this hit I suddenly started to think I liked him and wanted to be with him instead of wanting to be like him. Now every time his music comes on I almost have to change it because my mind immediately thinks he's attractive and that's why I like it... Along with tons of other artists. I just want to give all my love to another girl again but I feel like that will never happen again. It's killing me

Just wanted to give everyone an update for who cares. It's been a long haul so far but I think I may be getting better. I came off my medication and everything basically took 4 steps back as the thoughts and sleepless nights and anxiety came back with wrath. I have been off the meds for a week and have (hopefully) seen some improvements. I can picture myself with specific girls again (not all the time). The thoughts are still there. The checking is still there, idk if they're false attractions but those are still there too... Everything just doesn't seem as strong.

Idk what it means to really have the "see yourself with". I just know I want 1 particular girl I can't have.

But generally if symptoms are improving to levels before meds that likely means those meds weren't right for you but you shouldn't give up on medications totally.