5 Qs for people with TOCD and HOCD - please help!

1. YES, i feel this everyday 24/7, can't shake it off. HOCD and TOCD.

2. Kinda yes but when i look back i remember feelings which kills me the most.

3. YEP, TOCD is my biggest struggle right now. It kills.

4. YES. All my desires are gone or feel like a lie and I'm starting to question if they were even my desires.
5.Kinda, I can accept the fact that I'm gay or trans and sometimes i feel calm but then i feel extremly horrible at the same time.

I would say yes for every single one of these questions. I can't shake the feeling that I might be a trans guy, that I've 'always been a trans guy' or a lesbian. It's ruining my life, taking away everything I want in life, getting in the way of my day to day activities, but I've stopped being 'scared' of it, but then I worry that I'm not scared of it enough. It's really upsetting because I live with my long term boyfriend now and after living with ROCD before this, it is really screwing with my brain :/

1)Do you feel like you are the only exception, say, you think out of all cases with TOCD /HOCD that turned out not to be trans/gay you will be the first one to actually be trans/gay in spite of everyone telling you it's just OCD?

2)Do you feel like when you look back on past events that you've always secretly felt trans or gay even though you know you didn't, but you think you just didn't notice?

3)Do you feel there is overwhelming evidence that proves you are trans or gay?

4)Do you feel like the desires you've had all your life are not the same anymore? Say, you identified as straight or as a female before OCD hit, and you had plans, to marry or to have kids or whatever, and all of a sudden you feel this is a lie and you don't want this anymore because your fear of being trans or gay makes you believe your true desire is to be gay or trans?

5)Do you feel like it's impossible to get rid of the thoughts and you just want to accept it to make the anxiety go away but can't? Like, even the thought of cutting my hair or wearing men's clothes scares me so much, I can't accept it, it makes me so anxious.

1.) At times yes and at other times no. It really varies with me. Sometimes I can't tell if its anxiety/ocd or reality

2.) No I am very clear about my past honestly. I have never had a single moment that indicates the possibility of being gay for me. I am not sure if thats a good thing or bad because most people see to doubt this about themselves but I don't

3.) HELL YES. Every thing proves I am gay. If I look at a girl it means I am gay. If I read something or come upon anything related to gay or lesbian people it is a sign I am gay. Although now I have gotten pretty good at calling BS in stupid stuff like this.If I cry over this it means I am gay because I am somehow accepting being gay and grieving my past. This I picked up from my doctor so occasionally my brain tries to use this against me because gay people grieve their past or something like that. Idk. So pretty much everything proves I am gay or hints at it, or its the world trying to tell me something.

4.)Yup. I am sitting here doubting if I have ever even really liked any guys before, and not just loved the idea of it all. This is how my mind is tricking me this time. My attractions of the past don't feel legitimate and real. They seem fake and unreal.

5.) HELL YES. It feels like I should just accept it and move on to make it all go away, to give my mind what it wants because then maybe it will shut up and stop trying to scare me and make me anxious.I have literally said to myself "You should just accept you are a lesbian and move on" Just yesterday I thought I should find a girl and get into a relationship and it didn't even scare me. I didnt care that I was thinking that. It didnt really mean much to me to be honest maybe because I am never going to do it.

Hello,I'm a girl who has been suffering from Hocd 4 months now,I had hocd many many years ago but it got away in a short time cause i did not pay it enough attention.But now it's back with revenge and killing me since April.Whoever my attraction to boys were undeniable,so the fear of being gay turned into extreme fear of being bisexual.

1)No,but I feel like deep down inside I'm bi but having hocd cause I'm scared of it.
2)YES!all the time
3)Yes,I always seem to find some evidence that supports that I'm bi.
4)I do feel like my desires have changed.Like I always wanted to be with a boy but now it feels like I was secretly longing to be with a girl without knowing it.
5)Just yesterday I tried to accept the fact that I'm bi,but it made my anxiety worse

1- Yes, most of the time i feel this way, i feel like there's nohope left and i'm definetely trans, wich i obviously don't want to be
2-yes, a ######6 lot, i tend to dig into my past for typically girly things i did or moments when i had similar thoughts
3-i used to for the first few weeks, now not so much
4-YES, i can't even imagine myself with the girl i like properly because of this ######6 thoughts, and i can't let my mind "wonder" for fear of thoghts about being a woman replacing my usual fantasies
5-Yes, every time i find myself trying to live with my thoughts something tells me "you won't be able to get rid of them, you have to transition"
also, could someone with TOCD please send me a messege or something, i really need to talk

Lisa1989 wrote:So even though I haven't been posting much lately I must say that I still have TOCD and haven't managed to get rid of it in the slightest. There are days when I teach myself to just label the thoughts as OCD and it seems to be working until after 3 or 4 days I go back to excessively performing compulsions. The thought of being trans freaks me out, makes me cry and it gives me anxiety. Even though everyone has told me I find it hard to believe I'm not trans. I would be grateful if you could take time to answer the following questions:

1)Do you feel like you are the only exception, say, you think out of all cases with TOCD /HOCD that turned out not to be trans/gay you will be the first one to actually be trans/gay in spite of everyone telling you it's just OCD?

2)Do you feel like when you look back on past events that you've always secretly felt trans or gay even though you know you didn't, but you think you just didn't notice?

3)Do you feel there is overwhelming evidence that proves you are trans or gay?

4)Do you feel like the desires you've had all your life are not the same anymore? Say, you identified as straight or as a female before OCD hit, and you had plans, to marry or to have kids or whatever, and all of a sudden you feel this is a lie and you don't want this anymore because your fear of being trans or gay makes you believe your true desire is to be gay or trans?

5)Do you feel like it's impossible to get rid of the thoughts and you just want to accept it to make the anxiety go away but can't? Like, even the thought of cutting my hair or wearing men's clothes scares me so much, I can't accept it, it makes me so anxious.

I'd be so grateful if you could take some time to answer them. Thank you!

1) Yes always a back and forth battle... Sometimes I know it's my OCD, something it feels like I am becoming trans out of nowhere or that I was in denial all those 32 years as happy heterosexual...

2) Sometimes, but I remember all my long lasting relationships with women and the desire for them, but sometimes it feels those aren't my memories anymore... So scary ! My brain is finding any proof of non really 200% man behavior and twists it as gay / girly.

3)Yes but I know it is not true, because I was always sure about myself. But the brain wants me to feel that there are.

4) Yes I miss my old self, like if this person would be suddenly gone, even though I know I am still here somewhere behind it. It's like if suddenly my hobbies, the love for my girlfriend and my family, my job, my clothes etc was gone. I wanted kids, a nice ride, becoming VP at work, and all seems like a faded memory almost.I still have bouts of clarity, but I can't shake this stupid idea out of my brain, it's here 24/7. I miss my girlfriend and the connection we've had until now for the past 2,5 years! I would rather die than going this route that my brain wants to convince me of.

5) Yes, I don't want to give in the thoughts, this is ridiculous to me, no offense to LGBTQ community, I respect people's choice, but for me it wouldn't feel like a choice but rather the death of the self. I believe this OCD subtype is that strong and disturbing because of its ego dystonic nature, it would change your whole life if that were to be true: appearance, gender, family relationships, love life, work, etc.

Are you guys still around? I hope you are doing better, I can see this post is from 2 years ago.