I am a 17 year old boy and ive been living a hell for the past 4 days.
i have always been attracted to girls and i started masturbating to normal hetro porn since i was 12 and i never had any interest in guys whatsoever.
i live in iran and all schools here are Single-sex schools.
i watch a lot of porn and masturbate at least 1 time a day ( like i said starting from 12 so i guess that makes me an addict ).
4 days ago i was watching a movie and i dont know what happened but suddenly i thought that im gay and these thought are still annoying me .
im scared to look at gay porn because i think i might get turned on by it and the thought of being with another man and kissing him doesnt bother me but since i was a kid i always pictured myself being with a woman and having kids and i never pictured myself being with a man. i even remember picking the most hot girl on tv exactly 1 day before these thought came into my head.
now i read about hodc and gay denial and i dont know which one this is i think its odc but i cant justify the fact that being with another man doesnt bother me.
another reason that i think it might be hocd is that i think i might have ocd background:
when i was a kid i stayed at my grandmothers house most of the time.
my mom and my dad used to fight a lot because my mom used to think that he was having an affair, since my father was at work my mom and my grandma used to talk about him, things like: getting a divorce, following him ...
but one day i was sleep at my grandmas house and i woke up and i heard them talking about a disease that my father has and i knew they were talking about HIV (i dont know how but i knew what HIV was and i knew that it was a sexually transmitted disease).
after this thing happend my childhood was ruined for about 4-5 month and all it was all i could think of.