Hi all! I'm new to this forum board however a long time OCD sufferer (8 years) officially diagnosed on June of this year!
Currently, I'm suffering from SO-OCD or HOCD and it's a nightmare.
I've relapsed on this theme of OCD on June of this year and for the past few months, I believe the intensity of the thoughts are getting unbearable. Sometimes, the thoughts seem very real and it scares me.
Again what scares me is the content of my thoughts; most HOCD sufferers panic about sexual thoughts, I have but to an extent, a better grasp on how to deal with these thoughts as I know it's something I will never commit or act on. For me about HOCD, what scares me is the concept of partnership or relationships. I'm scared of this aspect of the HOCD because it's very abstract in my mind, like it could happen but I know I don't want to date guys or have them as a lifetime partner. Again, the content of my thought has the realness quality to it that drives me insane and frustrated. Sometimes, I can't even get out of bed or get out of my home because of these thoughts.
All my life and as far back as I can remember, all I ever wanted was to be with a girl. I've always yearned to have a girlfriend to love and care for. I was always in love with many different girls, I desired to be with them. I don't want to loose my attraction for women! I want to spend my lifetime caring for a girl, eventually marrying her and having kids.
This OCD drives me insane with all these false repetetive thoughts and I guess I could use some advice and reassurance.
The reassurance is, is this common in HOCD? I mean, most of the stories I've read are mostly sexual. I'm frightened. Please help! thanks!