I am 18 years old and I found the answer to why my HOCD came into existence. The reason why I was having those spikes along with those feelings of anxiety, fear, inadequacy and so on, was because it wasn't a sexual identity crisis. Instead, whenever my mind told me, "You're gay, just admit it and you'll be happy", what it really was was an evolved version of my overprotective parents and b!tchy sister telling me, "You don't know what you want. Do things this way or you'll continue to fail.".
Look within yourself, examine what you're feeling when you have a spike. I guarantee you that you'll trace the feelings back to something in your past.
Now my real question is, when you're recovering from HOCD, will your natural lust and desire for girls ever return to what is used to be? Right now, I can't get an erection from looking at a girl like I used to. I'll see an attractive girl and while deep down my instinct is to go up to her and make babies, now I just feel kind of caged. Like I know what I want is right in front of me, it just can't be initiated. I'll still have little spikes, but now I know what it really is and it goes away within a few minutes.
I just want my natural lust and desire for women back! My penis and heart know what I want, which is hot girls, but because I can't get aroused like I used to, I sometimes get a spike where I doubt my sexuality and wonder if I just realized that I'm actually gay.
There is this one girl in my class that looks at me constantly, and when I look at her, I kind of get those fuzzy feelings a little bit, but in order for it to be put fully into action, I want my sex drive back. Will it go back after a while?