I think that you should be open to your partner by saying that 'yes - I have a problem'. I think that she would appreciate it if you at least admit to her that you know you have a problem.
The PD is the obsession with money and orderliness. That is not what life is about. Lining everything up perfectly and organizing them by some often random criterion is not going to allow you enjoy life more. It's only to make life more tolerable due to your irrational Anxieties. Excessive devotion to work, with the justification of having enough money, is not a positive attribute. When you deprive your partner and her kids of time and attention, you are saying (with your actions) they are not important. You are saying your needs (phobias) come before theirs. You are saying they must sacrifice to meet your goals without their buy-in. You are saying you know better than they what they should want and need. It doesn't matter if most people are not as organized or workaholic as you. That's putting yourself on a pedestal.stevevit wrote:It seems more like discipline to me and a lot less like a personality disorder. I'm wondering if most of the people complaining about ocpd are untidy, poor money managers and unwilling to work long hard hours to get ahead in life if that is what's needed.
Why? So she can change? So her kids can change? So they will defer to your obsessions and compulsions? She doesn't need to read about them -- she already experiences the over-the-top behaviors daily.stevevit wrote:I'll admit ocpd causes turmoil for my partner and her kids, as well as my last marriage. I'm trying to get my girlfriend to read about ocpd. Last night I asked her to read 3 or 4 pages to have a better understanding but she's at the point she doesn't even want to attempt.
Two stubborn people convinced their rules, or places to put things or safest investments, are better than their partners would get along splendidly.stevevit wrote:I'm wondering how well a pair or ocpd's would get along.
It's the only game to OCPDers. And the "modest" goals will only get more ambitious because they strive for perfection, constantly raising the bar. It will never be good enough, especially as life becomes less controllable. That's the disorder part. Oh, and the ranting. How can one rationalize loving someone dearly at the same time ranting about how their significant other is improperly loading the dishwasher or spending $5 on something non-essential (am I far off the mark?). There's an incongruity in the balance of relative importance.stevevit wrote:My decision to try and get ahead of the game and work on keeping this a little more organized and tidy doesn't seem to fit my girlfriends lifestyle. I am upset and love her dearly but after one year I know even modest goals will not be met. Bottom line is even though everything I say seems like a decent plan I really complicate things with my approach and she is tired of my ranting.
Probably not, and overall it's not a bad thing. If you want to change and want her (or anyone else) to stay with you long-term, you must overcome your O-C tendencies. Meds and CBT will help. But don't expect her to wait for you or help you; she's not obligated to fix you. And you're not obligated to improve yourself, but if you want better relations with people in general, and to enjoy the intangible pleasures life has to offer that occasionally conflict with being tidy or wealthy, you should continue down the path you've started.stevevit wrote:After living together for 9 months she is packing her bags as I write. I'm sure there is nothing I can do or say to change her mind.
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 10 guests