by cosmocoma » Thu Jun 23, 2011 1:27 am
I'm your age and have been experiencing similar, physical dreams as you've described here for almost two months now. It's normal if you're under a lot of stress, or are consciously stifling powerful emotions throughout the day, but if they come for no apparent reason, either it's chemical or hereditary. In my case it's hereditary, though topped with the persistent emotional distress I've been battling day to day, or otherwise stifling, it's made it worse.
I'm told it's no good to bottle up feelings, so I let them loose. This brought on my first experience with a panic attack, which came over me while home alone (needless to say, I was in terror). When I go back to stifling, my night terrors become more disturbing and constant. It's a two-edged sword.
My dreams aren't always violent, but they're recurring and vivid. I'm often walking through a dark forest, feeling brave and determined to reach the end, knowing someone I know is waiting for me. But after a while I feel aimless, as I suddenly realize that the person I was heading toward is gone; I could feel the warmth emanating from that direction disappear. The loss of this warmth makes me feel no longer brave, no longer whole. The forest spins and I don't know which way's back. I feel a huge sense of loss, and I'm brought down to my knees, feeling as if I'm suffocating, and the screams I scream in the dream are the ones that wake me up in reality.
There's sexual, physical and emotional abuse in the violent ones, which tend to wake me up with little cuts all over my arms, as I'm always digging my nails deep into my skin while helpless and tortured in my dreams. Those are the worst. I've had to trim my nails all the way back so I'd stop doing this to myself. Thankfully there's been a lull lately with my night terrors. I hope they don't come back for a while.
Mirrors need to reflect more before sending back images...