Did Ex-Girlfriend Have Narcessistic Personality Disorder?

A girl who I just got out of a relationship with may have NPD, but I don't know. I've had a lot of troubles sorting things out and went to a psychologist, who first suggested this to me as a possibility. I just want some feedback from people who have experience with this.

We met in a bar. She was extremely outgoing and physical from the beginning. We started dating but had a lot of problems from the get-go. She would often times leave my house crying after simple arguments. She was very demanding and apparently didn't get the responses that she sought from me. I'm not even really sure what those fights were about anymore, but I think that they were a form of control, like "play by my rules, or I'm leaving".

We continued our relationship, and I found that she could never be wrong. She would argue points to death, beat dead horses. She would drive points home so hard, even after I gave off cues that I was angry or frustrated with the conversation. At the same time (and very early on), she talked about sharing a phone plan, moving in together and getting married, something she denied as a "total joke" later.

She also always wanted to be the center of my attention. I didn't really even notice this until people pointed it out to me. And she would do fairly dramatic things to get my attention. For example, at a bar one night I spent a little bit of time (30 minutes maybe) outside talking to her brother, who I'd just met. I came back in and an older man who she'd babysat for as a teen was talking to her. It didn't look like a "friendly" conversation and she wasn't trying to end it in any way. Later she asked why I didn't come and save her. Another time, similar situation, she told me that a guy had accosted her, and when a friend of mine asked him, I found that it hadn't really happened. Later she admitted to "exaggerating".

One night in particular really freaked me out. I'd never seen anything like it. We'd broken up previously and she read a text message that I'd sent my sister talking about the break up in a non-serious manner (I had jokingly asked if she knew any single women in town). We fought and I left, but she came over later and it got physical. She actually bit me. She had previously clawed her fingernails into my arm (enough to leave a scar that's visible today). Told me that nobody loved me, that I should commit suicide, and other horribly vile things.

She's from a somewhat wealthy family. Drives a nice car and wears nice clothes and jewelry. Travels a lot. Has a few beautiful and rich friends around the country who she sees from time to time. I thought that maybe some of that played into the grandiose side of NPD.

She was very controlling and didn't like the one guy friend who I talk to about all of this stuff. Was always afraid of what I had said to him. What he knew. I thought that that played into the isolation end of it. She wanted to control her image in a way.

Also, her room and car were always a mess. She hadn't cleaned her room in a year when I met her. I actually helped clean it with her roommate. And she didn't seem to have many close friends. She knew everyone in town, but nobody was ever really calling her up to hang out. I think that people avoided her. Like they knew something that I didn't.

My last point is that I suspect that she was talking to a lot of other guys. Not even sure how faithful she was. She was still in contact with her ex boyfriends, who she often compared me to. They would wish her a happy birthday, etc. One of them, according to her, had to go to therapy after her because he was unhappy about not being social enough. He's apparently married now, but would "leave his wife" for her. She always told me the same sorts of things. That I needed to change (be more social), that something was wrong with me, that I needed medication or psychological help. Even at the end, all of the reasons for it ending were somehow my fault. I was always negative, or I didn't communicate with her sufficiently enough.

What do you guys think though? Am I way off with the NPD thing?

She sounds like my ex PD girl from way back. I guess one way to look at this type is that they are very selfish, spoiled brats.

Thank you for reminding me....

A little Wisernow wrote:She sounds like my ex PD girl from way back. I guess one way to look at this type is that they are very selfish, spoiled brats.

Thank you for reminding me....

Thanks for the reply. Sorry if that brings up some bad memories. Yeah, I'm not sure what to think at this point. Maybe a mixture of things. I just sort of wanted some kind of affirmation that I'm doing the right thing by steering clear. I said a few mean things and am trying to process all of it.

God, this girl sounds like all three, BPD, NPD and HPD.

I found your story incredibly familiar. I posted a thread here recently about a girl and left out some details, all of which you seemed to hit, but with a different girl.

It's hard to say what is wrong with this girl, but she sounds like you're better off without her no matter what.